Fat & Suicidal

[fatuglymess]

Hi,

I really need some advice.

I've been depressed for the past 6 years or so which started after i was attacked at school, for 3 of those years i was house bound and gained alot of weight as i was comfort eating, but then my mum got me a puppy so i started step by step to be able to go out and walk the puppy.

Then i decided i wanted to lose weight - i was 13 stone and i'm 5'3. I successfully lost 4 stone in 1 yr and kept it off for a year, but then someone shouted some abusive comments at me (numerous times) when i was walking home (about my weight), and i've become pretty much house bound again because i know they'll do it again (they live around 3 streets away from me). I know it sounds pathetic but it just makes me so ashamed and brings back bad memories from when i was beaten up at school becuase of my weight.

I've been comfort eating everyday and i've gained 3 stone (in 8 months which is absoloutely disgusting). I comfort eat, compulsive eat and binge eat. I need help but i don't know where to turn to. I find it hard to diet as i binge so much and my compulsions to binge are so strong. I'm 18 and female. I am too ashamed to go to the gym or even walk my dog around the corner incase someone makes another comment, so my mum has to walk the dog which i used to love doing. I want to lose around 4 stone before september 2012 as i am hoping to start college, but if i'm still fat by then there is no way i will want to go as i know i'll get bullied. I'm feeling suicidal at the minute and really lonely, like there is no escape. I haven't stepped foot out of my front door in 3-4 weeks :-( I know alot of people will reccomend a phychologist but i've seen loads and whenever they mention 'weight' issues i act like everything is fine.

Advice?? Thanks x

 

[funcurls]

Hi there! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE change your name as I really hate to see people putting themselves down so much!!

It looks like you've come to exactly the right place, where many of us share similar issues to yourself and have all come here with the common goal to address our weight issues and more importantly the psychological battles that we put ourselves through on a daily basis!!

Have you thought about what plan you would like to follow? I would strongly recommend Slimming World which allows you to eat quite large portions (of the right food!) and allows you treats as well! It has helped me to lose nearly 5 stone and I have had plenty of treats (and sometimes binges!!) along the way which is why it's come off quite slowly but I really feel I have made long term changes and it's NOT going back on again!!

It sounds to me like you do need some professional help too hun from the tone of your post and also by the fact that you mention suicide!! I'm sure there are a lot of people here who have had similar thoughts so I would encourage you to get to know some people here who have been there and have turned their lives around! I understand that you must be very lonely but there is ALWAYS a way out of a rut even if you don't feel like there is!! Can I suggest Cognitive Behavioural Therapy? I received a course of it following a very nasty car crash 6 years ago and it really helped me to see things differently! I suffered with a lot of anxiety and strong feelings of negativity, the whole world seemed against me and I just couldn't see the positive in anything! It really helped to reset the way I looked at things and challenged my thinking!! You HAVE to see someone about this! You are very young and have so much to live for! You CAN lose the weight you want to lose but you must be willing to accept help and also be willing to help yourself! Good luck!X

 

[D'lashes]

hi there

i agree with funcurls .. make today the start of the 'new you' take the first step and change your name to something nice and positive - you cant expect others to love you when you dont love yourself

you have done really well to have lost weight before, if youve done it once you can do it again and keep it off this time - you just need to work on your self esteem and confidence. be kind to yourself, and dont let those idiots who attacked/bullied you at school win - they've moved on and so should you, i know its easier said than done, but you need to be strong - having lost that weight before you obviously have the willpower when its required, and i absolutely agree that cbt would help you tremendously

you say you like walking your dog, well thats a start and healthy too .. why dont you just take a different route, change the time - perhaps early in the morning or late at night or why not walk the dog with your mum - they're not likely to say anything if you're with another person

i agree with funcurls about sw - a great weight loss plan, and with their flexi syns it allows for the odd blip or binge if thats what you're prone to

you're looking forward to college, theres no reason you cant go it you make the first move now .. and please, if you havent lost the amount you're aiming for dont let that stop you - you will get there, just look at it as taking the scenic route, making new friends, learning a new skill/career and most importantly building your self confident so that you can start to enjoy everything that life has to offer

good luck and dont be so down on yourself, youve been really brave coming on here and opening up your heart, keep posting - you will get lots of help and support from some lovely people who wont judge you by your weight .. we're all in it together

 

[spangles]

Hello sweetie (((((hugs)))))

While it might seem like the biggest priority now is dieting, you know that it's a long-term action, and in the meantime you have to live with yourself, day to day. It takes quite a strong head-space to succeed with dieting... so I think sorting out your emotional issues needs to be top priority.

First thing is that you are depressed. Having suicidal thoughts is really serious and if you go to your GP (today - this counts as an emergency) and say 'I am depressed and I have been having suicidal thoughts, and although i don't think I'm a suicide risk at the moment, I do need help right now please' - they have to take action.

If it helps, you could print out (or copy down) your opening post - healthcare professionals are used to people needing to refer to notes, especially when they're feeling emotionally troubled. But you must act - you must see someone who can give you the help you need. Depression can be a fatal condition - and needs to be taken seriously. If you had kidney pain you'd see a doctor, not just muddle along in pain hoping it would get better. And you'd tell your doctor the truth about the pain of it, too.

Because it can be scary going to your GP about something like this, I'll tell you what is likely to happen if you do go and say what you've written here in the last long paragraph.

In the short term your doctor will probably prescribe SSRIs - these are a kind of ant-depressant (prozac is the most famous one) which work to balance out the amount of seratonin (happy-chemical) in your brain so that you always have a slow trickle of happiness. You don't have to take these - perhaps read up on them first, not everyone thinks they are good - but the medical consensus is that they help, and certainly I have found them a life saver, when I was in a similar position to you. They also have the advantage of curbing your appetite somewhat (they are prescribed to bulimia sufferers)!

I think you should also ask your GP to refer you again for therapy. Putting on 3 stone in 8 months through binging suggests disordered eating, and possibly an actual eating disorder. Whatever it is, you need proffessional help with it (remember the kidney pain? it's the same thing). There is no point lying to your therapist, though some people do. Therapists have heard it all before, far 'worse' in fact, but can only help you to feel better if you are truthful.

Be brave and take some action, sweetie. You've made a good first step by posting here, but now you have to take the next one and tell someone who can really help.

sending hugs. xxxxxxx

 

[mrs big b]

Hey hunni ((((()))) I agree with the others please be gentle with yourself xxx

 

[Orls81]

All the above advice sounds really good. Its horrible how a few nasty comments can have such an effect on a persons life. I really do hope you listen to everything that has been said.

I recently turned 30, and i took this really bad, I thought back to when I was 18, and all the stuff i could have done or should have done. You should be enjoying yourself. please please go and get some help, you have your whole life infront of you.

One last thing, I suggest you invest in a wii fit, they are meant to be really good.

Good luck, and best wishes xxx

 

[IreneH]

Hi and welcome. You have been given some great advice from the others. I too would suggest visiting your doctor and perhaps take a copy of what you wrote to us so the doctor can see you are not fine.

Irene xx

 

[spangles]

Hello sweetie - just wanted to say I've been wondering how you're feeling and it would be good to hear back from you. xx

 

[LittleSis]

Hi There..

I'm in agreement with what the others have told.

Please, please change your user name. If you haven't already go to your Dr and as has already been said take a print out of your opening post if that is easier than trying to tell your Dr what you've told us..

I spent many of my school years being bullied and it took me a long time to realize I wasn't the one with the problem.... It's the people who do the bullying that have the problem!!

I know that whilst your being picked on it doesn't feel like that but please don't make yourself a prisoner because of these pathetic people. You've already shown what determination you have by loosing 4st.. That's amazing:happy096:

So back on track... Start a diary here so we can all support you and remind yourself just how special you are because when you start college next year your going to walk in with your head held high knowing you've beaten your demons (or at least got them under control) and the same with your weight..
You've done it once you can do it again

If you need to get something off of your chest. Come on here and have a rant. No one will mind..

You take care of yourself and positive thoughts... And take your puppy out for a walk. I'm sure he/she's missed going out with you.

Big hugs:hug99: :gen126: and look forward to hearing how your getting on

 

[xxpiscesxx]

Just came across this thread ,really hope you are feeling abit better. Don't let childish people and there comments get you down..don't satisfy them..
Like many people on here i am too overweight ( my own mother telling me when i was younger if i didnt loose weight no man would want me) I'm bigger than i was then and happier than i have ever been, married with 2 beautiful children..we make our own happiness..don't b so hard on urself..hopefully you have some friends you could meet up with and go n have sum fun instead of sitting in feelin worse...thinking of you and hope u feel better soonXXXXX

 

[CaliSweden]

Hi I hope you're ok. It isn't fun when people make rude comments about the way we look. I agree with what others have posted. You should ignore the mean comments people make. Those people are being mean to you in order for them to feel better about themselves.

 

[Desperatetolose]

Hello, I just wanted to say as someone who has spent far too much of their life overweight, that the important thing is that you want to change. Other posters have given you really good reasons to speak to a doctor, arrange a house call if you can't face going out just yet, because losing weight will be even harder, if not impossible if you don't tackle your underlying depression. I understand that it can be a chicken and egg situation and that losing weight may help you feel better about yourself but medical help will make that more likely and possible.

Please post soon, to let everyone know you are okay, and hopefully to let us know your "new" name.

Hugs.

DTL Xxx