evilpenguin
Not evil at all
Hey guys
I can't stop thinking about this so I have to post here, maybe you guys can understand what I'm on about? lol
I have been fat forever - no joke. The last pictures of me at a healthy weight were taken before I started primary school. It's a long story but basically my gran overfed me and my mum got in trouble for putting me on a diet (gp said she would turn me anorexic by the time I was a teenager).. so anyway I've always been big, and for the past 3 years I've been farting around with diets. I had no idea how to diet properly until I discovered SW in 2009. One year later and I'm only 6lbs lighter than I was then. I know if I don't cheat the plan then it works, but I can't stop cheating it. I feel so horrible. I think I'm scared that because I've always been fat then that's just the way it is. I don't know what to do. Why is it so bloody hard?
I just got back from holiday and from the day I finished up at work for it I've been on this eating binge. I promised myself I would start back on SW today but my mum had a belated birthday thing for me and we had cake..! Its still in my kitchen, I don't want to eat it but I know I probably will. I can't make my bf eat it all and I don't want to waste it by throwing it either.. if tomorrow is my day for getting back on track then the cake will have to go, right?
Sorry this is rambly, I just need to share. Not even sure what I want out of sharing it! I feel lost, like I'm not myself. I'm upset at myself for being overweight, I wish it hadn't taken me this long to figure out how unhappy I am with my weight
Sometimes I think a strict low calorie diet would suit me better, or food replacement.. but it's too strict - I would rebel and eat everything. Maybe I should re join a SW group? Hmm
Thanks for reading if you got this far. I feel so silly for crying over this. I really need to hire someone who will come round and slap me if I go off track with my eating. I have been needing someone to slap me for a long long time.
I can't stop thinking about this so I have to post here, maybe you guys can understand what I'm on about? lol
I have been fat forever - no joke. The last pictures of me at a healthy weight were taken before I started primary school. It's a long story but basically my gran overfed me and my mum got in trouble for putting me on a diet (gp said she would turn me anorexic by the time I was a teenager).. so anyway I've always been big, and for the past 3 years I've been farting around with diets. I had no idea how to diet properly until I discovered SW in 2009. One year later and I'm only 6lbs lighter than I was then. I know if I don't cheat the plan then it works, but I can't stop cheating it. I feel so horrible. I think I'm scared that because I've always been fat then that's just the way it is. I don't know what to do. Why is it so bloody hard?
I just got back from holiday and from the day I finished up at work for it I've been on this eating binge. I promised myself I would start back on SW today but my mum had a belated birthday thing for me and we had cake..! Its still in my kitchen, I don't want to eat it but I know I probably will. I can't make my bf eat it all and I don't want to waste it by throwing it either.. if tomorrow is my day for getting back on track then the cake will have to go, right?
Sorry this is rambly, I just need to share. Not even sure what I want out of sharing it! I feel lost, like I'm not myself. I'm upset at myself for being overweight, I wish it hadn't taken me this long to figure out how unhappy I am with my weight
Sometimes I think a strict low calorie diet would suit me better, or food replacement.. but it's too strict - I would rebel and eat everything. Maybe I should re join a SW group? Hmm
Thanks for reading if you got this far. I feel so silly for crying over this. I really need to hire someone who will come round and slap me if I go off track with my eating. I have been needing someone to slap me for a long long time.