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For those planning weddings/recently married...

-Laura-

Silver Member
S: 11st5lb C: 9st7lb G: 9st5lb BMI: 26 Loss: 1st12lb(16.35%)
#1
This is a bit of a cheeky question, so apologies for asking and no probs if the thread just slides off the bottom of the page!

Around what price range are/were your bridesmaids (adult) dresses, and who paid for them (ie. you or the bridesmaids)?

I ask because, long story short, I've been asked to be a friend's bridesmaid but am expected to foot quite a hefty bill (in my opinion) for it, but having never planned, or been involved in planning a wedding, I can't decide if it's a reasonable request or if she's taking the p*** a bit!

Thanks in advance for any responses :)
 
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Hannahkw1

Silver Member
S: 15st3.5lb C: 12st10.5lb G: 10st10lb BMI: 26.4 Loss: 2st7lb(16.39%)
#2
Haven't been married myself but I know that all the weddings I've known of, they have paid for ther bridesmaids dresses, and they aren't usually that expensive, a few have been from coast around £150-£200 or monsoon similar prices, but I guess if they're from a proper bridal shop they could be more. Also its acceptable for her to ask for you to pay or at least contribute, but if youre paying you should have some sort of a choice or say in price! Just my opinion!
 

big bear

A bear on a mission!
S: 14st7lb
#3
Mine were £70 from Monsoon in the sales & I bought them as a present to the girls, the were gold knee length so they could wear them again. My friend has worn hers to a wedding & a party...

In a bridal shop I'm not sure, sorry. I don't think that you should pay for it as she has asked you to be bridesmaid...
 
S: 12st11lb C: 12st4lb G: 10st0lb BMI: 27.8 Loss: 0st7lb(3.91%)
#4
Hi ya. I am getting married in August and will be suffering the cost (good old credit card if they work out beyond my budget) however my sister asked her bridesmaid to contribute half.
 

sarah83

I will be a yummy mummy!
S: 16st9lb C: 15st8.5lb G: 12st7lb BMI: 38.7 Loss: 1st0.5lb(6.22%)
#5
I got married in 2006. My bridesmaid dresses were Alfred Angelo from a bridal shop. They were just over £100 each, plus alterations. I paid for the dresses myself although my sil gave me the money back for hers. I had 2 bridesmaids, guess it would be different if I'd had more
 
S: 14st13lb C: 14st7lb BMI: 30 Loss: 0st6lb(2.87%)
#6
My mum made my bridesmaid's dresses but we paid for all the fabrics and their head dresses, I did let them choose their own shoes, so long as they were the right colour and they paid for them themselves-seemed a good compromise
 
S: 14st13lb C: 14st13lb G: 10st0lb BMI: 38.2 Loss: 0st0lb(0%)
#7
i think 100 is reasonable if your being asked to foot the bill, but i think you ought to have a sit down before hand, work outr a budget etc.

anymore and i think its unreasonable. x
 

-Laura-

Silver Member
S: 11st5lb C: 9st7lb G: 9st5lb BMI: 26 Loss: 1st12lb(16.35%)
#8
Thanks so much for all the responses guys.

The dress is £200, with shoes and tiara to be paid for on top of that. We've had no choice whatsoever in the dress type, style, material, colour etc (in fact, I'm the only one that's even tried the dress on and seen it 'in the flesh'), but she's determined that it's the bridesmaid dress she's always wanted, and won't be swayed otherwise. She's mentioned in passing that they will 'contribute if they're expensive', but hasn't given any indication of numbers of if indeed she considers this dress to be 'expensive' enough to contribute to the cost.

I did ask whether there'd be any possibility of looking into hiring rather than buying, and was met with a flat out 'no chance' - although I don't really know how feasible it is to hire bridesmaid dresses.

I'll admit to getting rather carried away with trying on lots of pretty dresses when we went to look and didn't really think about the cost realistically - it's just on reflection that I feel it's rather steep, and don't really know how to approach her about it!!
 
S: 14st13lb C: 14st13lb G: 10st0lb BMI: 38.2 Loss: 0st0lb(0%)
#9
i think 200 is way too much, esp then with shoes and tiara to go with.

I think you should work out what you can genuinly afford, without stretching yourself etc.. and say that you just simply cant afford whats shes got. You really want to be her bridesmaid and share her day, but that if she cant contribute then you'l have to step back because you simply dont have the money and your worrying yourself over it.. *guilt trip!*

if she asks you to step back as a bridesmaid, id be hurt.. esp as shes already mentioned she might contribute if they'r expensive. I suspect shes avoiding offering it herself as shes rather not if she can get away with it so to speak. . i should hope she see sence and you will work somthing out. xxx
 

-Laura-

Silver Member
S: 11st5lb C: 9st7lb G: 9st5lb BMI: 26 Loss: 1st12lb(16.35%)
#10
i think 200 is way too much, esp then with shoes and tiara to go with.

I think you should work out what you can genuinly afford, without stretching yourself etc.. and say that you just simply cant afford whats shes got. You really want to be her bridesmaid and share her day, but that if she cant contribute then you'l have to step back because you simply dont have the money and your worrying yourself over it.. *guilt trip!*

if she asks you to step back as a bridesmaid, id be hurt.. esp as shes already mentioned she might contribute if they'r expensive. I suspect shes avoiding offering it herself as shes rather not if she can get away with it so to speak. . i should hope she see sence and you will work somthing out. xxx
Thanks Fern, and I think you're right about the way to deal with it. I just feel awful because I know weddings are an expensive business, and bridesmaid dresses are just one of a million different things she needs to think about.. but then in the back of my mind, I think 'if she can't afford the DREAM wedding, then she needs to pick her priorities and not rely on other people to cover the high prices' - but am totally aware that this is quite a harsh way of thinking, and am sure it's not quite so black and white when it comes to planning your own big day!!
 
S: 15st6lb C: 12st4.5lb G: 11st13lb BMI: 27.8 Loss: 3st1.5lb(20.14%)
#11
I would never have dreamt of asking my bridesmaids to pay for their dresses! I suppose it depends on the relationship you have with your friend but really she/they should have budgeted better. When we were planning our wedding we decided which things were important and made sure that they were paid for/accounted for first. We found ways to have everything we wanted without going over our relatively small budget and without asking anyone else to pay for anything.

Maybe I am on my high horse here but if you can't afford it (or don't want to pay that much) then don't pay for it. It's not your wedding!
 

-Laura-

Silver Member
S: 11st5lb C: 9st7lb G: 9st5lb BMI: 26 Loss: 1st12lb(16.35%)
#12
I would never have dreamt of asking my bridesmaids to pay for their dresses! I suppose it depends on the relationship you have with your friend but really she/they should have budgeted better. When we were planning our wedding we decided which things were important and made sure that they were paid for/accounted for first. We found ways to have everything we wanted without going over our relatively small budget and without asking anyone else to pay for anything.

Maybe I am on my high horse here but if you can't afford it (or don't want to pay that much) then don't pay for it. It's not your wedding!
This makes me feel much better, thanks! They're my sentiments exactly, but as I say, I worry that I'm taking a very black-and-white view seeing as I've never been, and aren't planning to be (anytime soon!) a bride!
 

alwyn

Silver Member
S: 80.29kg C: 80.29kg G: 60.33kg BMI: 29.5 Loss: 0kg(0%)
#13
I got my bridesmaids' dresses from Coast in the sale - they were around £100. I bought them and all the accessories except the shoes. I wouldn't have dreamt of asking them for any money!

They provided their own shoes so that they would be more likely to wear them again!
 
#14
My friend kindly informed me when I was her bridesmaid that the 'Wedding Etiquette Guide' (which she swore by) said that bridesmaids were traditionally responsible for paying for their own dresses. I suspect though that the tradition comes from days when dresses were made by family members and not nearly so expensive! Her mum offered to buy them for the bridesmaids, and in the end she got £100 dresses from Debenhams when they had an offer on, so think they worked out £75 each.

It's not fair of her to expect you to shell out quite so much on a dress though, whatever her dream bridesmaids dresses are. Once you've worked out what you can afford, tell her, but it might also be worth suggesting that if she wants those particular dresses, then she makes up the difference - It might get her to suddenly realise that a budget does need to apply to the bridesmaids dresses even if she's not paying for them! I wonder if in her excited wedding planning frenzy she's realised the bridesmaids can pay for themselves and is using that as a justification for getting the dresses she's always wanted.

Good luck in speaking to her, it's never easy bringing up subjects like that with friends!
 
#15
Another tip would be to find a local dressmaker and ask about prices, as you could get a similar style then for a fraction of the cost.
 
S: 14st13lb C: 14st13lb G: 10st0lb BMI: 38.2 Loss: 0st0lb(0%)
#16
sorry, but i dont think your being harsh at all.. your completely right.. and i think she needs plonking back down to earth a bit! as you say, if she wants a dream wedding, she has to budget for it!!
Its her wedding, so not your money to be spent i dont think!

x
 

Ela ine

Likes to post, and eat.
S: 18st11lb C: 16st7lb G: 12st0lb BMI: 39.6 Loss: 2st4lb(12.17%)
#17
Been a bridesmaid three times, bride paid twice (£180 and £240 - far too pricy imo)

My Mum paid for six dresses for my aunties wedding recently, and she got them in last years Jan Sales (wedding wad bonfire night :p) and they were down from £140 to £16 each!! Two had to be taken in... But at that price you can't complain!! x
 

big bear

A bear on a mission!
S: 14st7lb
#18
Been a bridesmaid three times, bride paid twice (£180 and £240 - far too pricy imo)

My Mum paid for six dresses for my aunties wedding recently, and she got them in last years Jan Sales (wedding wad bonfire night :p) and they were down from £140 to £16 each!! Two had to be taken in... But at that price you can't complain!! x

Bargain...
 
#19
There are a few questions to ask her...

Where are the dresses coming from? If they are from a bridal shop then you can normally hire the dresses.
Will you be able to wear the dress again? If so, then it's not so bad to pay for it yourself but it's very dependant on cost.
What is the problem with hiring? I hired the dresses for my first wedding (I paid, approx £50 each - a lot of years ago). You can hire beautiful dresses and it's not like they are wrecked or anything as the shop wouldn't hire them out.

For my second wedding my bridesmaid (singular) did buy her own dress and it was something she can wear again. It cost £75 - a sale bargain. I would have paid for this but she did offer. It was a very simple wedding and she could have worn whatever she liked.

I'd say this - do you want to be a bridesmaid or does she want you? The main thing is the cost and if you can wear it again.

Sod the etiquette - I don't think that goes for much these days unless they are very upper class!
 
#20
I had to wrestle the wedding etiquette guide from my friends hands as she was turning into a proper bridezilla with it. She was obsessed with what people should and shouldn't be doing - I had to very delicately point out that it was a day for her and her husband do do as they want, not what a book based on tradition told them.

I also had to point out that 80 guests for her and 12 for his family wasn't fair, but that's a different story!!
 


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