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funny, funny misused words.

#1
I had to laugh to myself on the phone yesterday when I was talking to our elderly lady friend. She was telling me about a friend of hers who lives in the town in an apartment. She said "poor Shirley, said the noise from the road works is horrendous. They are using rheumatic drills all day long."

I had a vision of an ailing drill, moaning and creaking as it bit into the tarmac.

What about you, what has amused you?

I remember years ago discussing what star signs we all were with some work colleagues and a German girl who worked with us said she was a librarian.........turned out she was a Libra.
 
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Leapfrog

Champion actifryer
#2
We have a friend in France (who's English) but does it all the time. He referred to reserving a "declining seat" on the ferry, looking for "high ferocity" bullets for his gun (grrrr!) and the ivory growing up the side of his house. Must be worth a fortune lol
 
#3
We have a friend in France (who's English) but does it all the time. He referred to reserving a "declining seat" on the ferry, looking for "high ferocity" bullets for his gun (grrrr!) and the ivory growing up the side of his house. Must be worth a fortune lol
LOL !!!!!!!!:roofles:
 
#4
My old boss asked me if I had stocked up on viagra for my hols :eek:

Turns out he meant vallium for my fear of flying - he was mortified and I won't be letting him forget that in a hurry :rotflmao:

xxx
 
#5
I was talking to my best friend once and we were on about musicals and I said 'The best one I have seen is Joseph and his multi-coloured Raincoat'!!!!!!!

We laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed!!

She stills brings it up now :D
 
#6
My old boss asked me if I had stocked up on viagra for my hols :eek:

Turns out he meant vallium for my fear of flying - he was mortified and I won't be letting him forget that in a hurry :rotflmao:

xxx
Could be better than a stiff drink !!!!
 
#7
Could be better than a stiff drink !!!!
Good one!!

Another work colleague once made me spit out my coffee with this gem

I was watching this really interesting documentary last night and these poor poor monkeys had minge (I think she meant mange)

xx
 
#9
Both my kids are dyslexic and are a rich source of misused words including thinking that monogamy is a tropical hardwood, placenta in a form of exercise (she meant Pilates) and Mount Vulva is a volcano in Italy (Vesuvius).

I had a student announce in class that she had a swollen vulva (she meant uvula, at the back of the throat) and a carpentry student insist that wood to be used outside should be tantalised - he insisted that tanalised was a word I made up. Although the student who told me was going to climb Everest that weekend actually climbed Ben Nevis instead:) will always be a favourite memory.

The one thing that bugs me though is using pacific instead of specific - no! you didn't tell me pacifically - you're using the wrong blinking word!
 
#10
I had another friend, very beautiful, fantastically groomed, the perfect woman until she opened her mouth. I remember her announcing to us all that her new lover enveloped her in his love.

I wonder did he seal her up and stick on a postage stamp lol.
 
#11
My nan is always doing them (she is 90) She has compensation running down her windows, she didn't like her sisters new house as it was in the middle of nowhere and was far too insulated, best (or worse) one was, I was dropping off some cakes mam had made and nan was watching an old war film, I told nan to carry on with the film we could chat later, nan says "its ok I've seen it, the pilot ejaculates and survives"
 
#12
My nan is always doing them (she is 90) She has compensation running down her windows, she didn't like her sisters new house as it was in the middle of nowhere and was far too insulated, best (or worse) one was, I was dropping off some cakes mam had made and nan was watching an old war film, I told nan to carry on with the film we could chat later, nan says "its ok I've seen it, the pilot ejaculates and survives"
That is just so funny. My sides are hurting laughing at the replies on this thread.

My DH is laughing his socks off too.

I would love to meet your nan. All of that said in a wonderful Welsh accent.
 
#13
My aunty is class with getting mixed up. Didnt know whether to sat Garden Fete or Garden Party and ended up saying Garden Farty.

And once when speaking about the vicar to someone, he walked up and she went "oh speak of the devil" Guess shes not going to heaven
 
#14
My aunty is class with getting mixed up. Didnt know whether to sat Garden Fete or Garden Party and ended up saying Garden Farty.

And once when speaking about the vicar to someone, he walked up and she went "oh speak of the devil" Guess shes not going to heaven
LOL !!!!! Bless !!!!
 
#15
My mums friend was playing Trivial Pursuit and got asked "whats another name for the Northern Lights" to which she answered "Blackpool Illuminations"!
 
#16
My mums friend was playing Trivial Pursuit and got asked "whats another name for the Northern Lights" to which she answered "Blackpool Illuminations"!
So !!!! Isn't she right. lol !!!

It is one of things I so want to do when I come back to live in England.
 
#17
Some great ones - making me chuckle

When I was about 12 I told my mum's best mate that I thought the Durex dog (dulux) was really cute - mortifying!! :eek:

xxx
 
#18
Oh these are all very funny :)

My other halfs Granny (87) puts muslim around her plants in winter to protect them.....I think she ment muslin.

I was 15 and doing a 'pop quiz' in biology, our teacher loved these and they were often hand written....so all was well and I got to the last question which was give the definition of the following word- erection. I gave a through explenation, being as tactful as possible.
He'd actually written excretion ......red face or what?!!!
 
#19
My aunt had a lovely dado rail in her house, can't remember who commented on the dildo rail when it came up in conversation... xx
 
#20
I was in my biology sex education lesson years ago, and my friend Lucy was reading to the all girl class from a text book. Our teacher, Mr Powell, was already looking a little uncomfortable. All was well until she merrily informed us of how our bodies would change, and how we would all be sporting 'PUBLIC HAIR'! Bless her, she hadn't a clue what she'd said and couldn't figure out all the giggling. I later went on to marry the teacher by the way ;)
 


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