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Funny 'school report' lines


I am in the process of writing a best man speech for one of my oldest school friends. As we both went our separate ways to university I am short of the usual drunken stories and so I am concentrating on our school days .... anyway, I am going to pretend that his school reports were bad (they weren't he was a straight A student!

Just wondering if anyone else can think of/knows any other funny lines to add.

So far the only one I really like is:

Religious Education: ‘John's understanding of religion is very poor, so much so, he believes Phil Collins wrote the book of Genesis.
Any help much appreciated!
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