Charley's Diary!

Day 0 -

Hi all, I officially start my weightloss journey as it were tomorrow morning, but I wanted to introduce myself and say a bit about the situation I am in at the moment as I truly believe that this diary will be useful to look back on when I have reached my target - and of course before then too!

1) I am 24 and weigh.... 21 and a half stone :sigh: However, this is at 11:17pm and after a day of eating a lot... A lot of the time I can feel good about myself because of the clothes I wear and the fact that I am 5ft 9 and carry it better than I maybe otherwise would but there is still such a deep insecurity inside for so much of the time that I have decided that I really need to start losing the weight NOW.

2) Another reason I have decided to lose the weight NOW is that I am not currently living with my boyfriend. I'm down south in England for work reasons which means that I am away from our pattern of lazy nah we won't bother cooking, let's have a takeaway mentality, and also away from him which should make it easier. LOL :rolleyes:

Don't get me wrong, he is wonderful and would really help support me, but i feel unable to talk to him about my weight issues. There have been occasional drunken chats/arguments with me criticising his smoking for health reasons and him asking why I never mention the fact that I am so overweight. Also, while he knows that I never talk about my weight, he worries about his a lot. He is 40 and is worried about the midlife shift and feels in his words "fat". He is the same height as me and (in my biased opinion) and also to anyone else, nowhere near to "fat". I think that if I was dieting he would completely unwittingly make me feel worse by talking about his body when I feel so insecure about myself.

Another reason to do with him is that he still tells me I'm beautiful, that he fancies me and we still sleep together with me at this weight (I've put on a couple of stone I would say in the last 4 years we've been together) but it doesn't feel right to me... I am so much more insecure about us sleeping together now and much less willing actually, and I want that old life back with him. Being away from him and following this plan while thinking about him will motivate me I am sure and I really want to return to him in Scotland looking and feeling so much better about myself. I really want my sense of self back and an ability to look at a picture of us and be happy with the way I look.

Also, he wants to start a family soon, as do I and there is no way I would get pregnant at the weight and size I am - NO WAY - I want to be fit and healthy and running around after my children feeling like I will be able to do anything with them... That is a really important reason for me losing this weight.

3) This isn't all about the bf - this is also for serious health reasons, my bmi is 44.4 and it should be 21.3... I mean it is pretty serious... My weight should be to be healthy and in "normal" range - 10 - 11 stone... So really I have 10 stone to lose and a mountain to climb.

I am only 24 and I look so much older than that. I can't wear the clothes I want to, I can't run around like a student should - someone mistook me for my half-sister's mum - and she's only 7 years younger than me!!!!! When she moans about not fitting into her size 12 jeans I could scream. One of the things I really want to get out of this is the ability to swap a pair of jeans or a top with my little sister :D and just be able to go into a normal shop like Topshop and be able to try on ANYTHING there because they will have it in my size - hopefully a size 12-14 eventually. I love clothes and I have my dream wardrobe in my head - I would just love to be able to create it when I have lost all this weight.

Also I am studying law with the Open University and the idea of me graduating and getting work at the size I am feels unrealistic. Unfortunately people make judgements about overweight people and make assumptions about laziness and in some cases just feel turned off by them. It truly sucks but I really do feel like I would be better equipped to get a job, even just for confidence reasons if I was at a healthy weight and felt good about myself.

4) I'll also tell you about my problems with weight - since I was 13, I have had issues with my weight - mainly due to my Mum being too busy to cook proper meals therefore I lived on frozen foods at home, and had breakfast at the McDonald's on the corner near my school. It got worse as I hit the harder teenage years, got depressed about my situation and ate more to try and cope. Since getting to university and cooking proper food, I did drop some weight but it's crept back on due to takeaways and snack eating with my boyfriend - also a huge problem with me is a lack of self discipline, and a thinking of "tomorrow I'll start trying to lose the weight." Plus, when with someone who loves you the way you are, it is much easier to think that it doesn't matter and everything will be ok anyway... and working to lose the weight means facing it and admitting to yourself that you put on that much weight in the first place - something that hasn't been easy for me to do.

5) I should probably also tell you why I have chosen Slim Fast in particular - during the teenage wilderness described above, my Dad and family got concerned about my weight and while down south for the summer, I went on the slimfast plan for a month. I lost a lot of weight and felt great! Then I went back to life in Scotland with my Mum, where I was incredibly unhappy, and put on all the weight I'd lost and more.

Slim Fast is the only plan that has ever worked in terms of helping me to lose weight as a "diet". It eliminates the need to think about food, (which I do a lot) and while it requires willpower, the plan is so easily laid out that it is pretty foolproof and I will feel like I am truly doing something to lose the weight. Also, I am living with my Nan who helped me through the slimfast plan the last time I tried it - man she's a nag, but she really cares and really wants me to lose the weight and wants to help and support me through it - so I know it will work this time!

So - there you have my reasons for wanting to lose the weight and wanting to drop from a size 22 to a size 12 - I mean who wouldn't? My big goals are my birthday at the end of March in 2 months, my anniversary with my bf in the middle of May in 4 months and Glastonbury at the end of June in 5 months. I would love to have lost a few stone at least by then and feel more comfortable wearing a shorter skirt or shorts for the summer festival! From then on, it's a sleigh ride through to Christmas and to be in a size 16 on Christmas day would be incredible for me!!

I am hopeful that updating daily on here will really help keep me focused and that with your support I can keep going and get to where I want to be - a happier, healthier me!!! :D I have 6 cafe latte, 6 strawberry and a vanilla shake in the house along with a pack of the tortilla chip snacks which should see me through for nearly a week, and a lot of weight watchers ready meals for the evening. I am raring to go and will tell y'all the results of my initial weigh in tomorrow morning before any food has been consumed! :D

Cheers all, and have a great night!
Wow You have certainly put a lot of thought into this, brilliant. I truly believe you will do it this time, your head is in the right place. I always bang on about the head being in the right place but us dieters know we are only good when we want to be. I hope your weigh in this morning is good. I was saying yesterday that I put ice with my shakes, mix in an electric mixer.; it makes the shake much thicker. Have a good day.
Day 1 - morning

Thanks Stig! I know what you mean about your head being in the right place for sure. Cheers for the tip about the ice, will definitely try it with my lunchtime one.

My WI this morning was 20st 8, so I seem to have lost almost a stone overnight lol. Really glad I weighed myself last night and then again this morning :D Got up later than usual because of general feeling rough with cold, had a soother sweet when I woke up (for ridiculously sore throat) and then a cafe latte shake for breakfast at 11:10 - I never normally have breakfast, but I do love a good cup of coffee and the milkshake really has a proper coffee flavour, and it was truly lovely.

Ok, onwards and upwards to lunchtime and then to dinner and that's one day closer... : )
Day 1 Cont...

Hey all! :) At the end of my first day and am feeling really good about this. My Nan and I went out this afternoon and so I didn't get my second shake of the day until 4pm - not great, but I wasn't really feeling hungry for it anyway which is good. I had my summer strawberry shake and actually it tastes really sickly sweet almost and I'm not a fan - unfortunately I have 5 more of them to go, won't be getting them again, they are much more sugary than I remember from a few years ago. My Nan says I was "spoiled" by the coffee one in the morning ;) Lol!

I was sorting out my bedroom here and looking through clothes I had sent down here for my Nan to Charity Shop as they were too small for me - I found a couple of great tops and a few pairs of trousers a couple of sizes too small for me at the moment! It's really given me something to look forward to - getting back into those clothes! Also I was hanging up clothes I brought with me for while I'm staying here and realising I have some really lovely clothes that I would still wear when a lot slimmer - a great purple hoodie from Fat Face, a gorgeous pink top from Monsoon and a couple of other things that still would look good on me... It's all very encouraging.

Having browsed the forums here for suggestions on the best WW ready meals I also came across recommendations of WW desserts and on the way home from shopping I convinced my Nan to go to the Co-op and bought some WW lemon cake slices! I am sat here with my 3rd pint of water of the day and a slice and I can't wait to tuck in knowing that I've been really good today :D Dinner was a WW lasagne (quite nice actually) with a touch more grated cheese on top (really only a touch) and some salad with a tiny bit of olive oil on, and I've had 200g of grapes too, all of which adds up to 541 cals - so I'm well within my limits for today : )

WW meal - 253
200g grapes - 128 cal
1 lemon cake slice WW - 80

So I'm still well within limits for today - and actually I haven't felt that hungry either. I like having a pre-set meal for myself to control portion size - when I was cooking for me and the bf, portion size was a big issue and I don't want to fall in the trap of having too much on my plate because I will just then eat it :eek:

Tomorrow will be interesting as will next week when I am up earlier so we shall see how it goes, but I will leave you now to watch a catch up ep of Deal or No Deal and eat my treat for today - my lemon cake slice :D

Have a great night all,
Ready made - at tescos this week there was an offer on the 6 pack of ready made shakes so bought a pack of coffee ones for breakfast and strawberry ones for lunch, and a vanilla one just to see if I liked it or not. If I do, I'll be trying to get rid of the strawberry ones asap :)

Just finished my WW lemon slice and it was delish! Am really struggling with 4 pints of water a day though. Going to try for my last one while watching a movie tonight on the telly. Any tips on how to make it easier please?? ;)

Day 2!

Cheers Allie, it's great your OH is doing it too, and that you can palm off the strawberry on to him :D I might go for one of them for brekkie and a coffee for lunch as a treat :)

I commented on Stig's diary yesterday how I would find it really hard to have a meal for lunch and then a shake because it would seem like an age before I got any actual food inside me... and I was right! Today the fam came over for lunch, and I'd been really good with my coffee shake and all, and for lunch we had cottage pie, salad and gravy, I had a fair portion but not big, you know and out came the deep fat fried chips... which usually I'd be scoffing like mad! I restricted myself to about 7 or 8 which for me is dead good :p and had my water etc, and then realised that there was pretty much no way I was going to be able to restrict myself to just a shake at tea time - but I was good. I had a couple of slices of cheese on toast at 114 cals for the bread and just over 100 for the cheese, some pickled onions and barely a teaspoon of houmous, so my dinner was under 300 cals for sure, which would have been my snack requirement for the day anyway! I had a glass of orange juice at 100 cals and am sitting next to my weight watchers cake slice just now. So I don't feel too bad but I mean, I still feel like I failed today even though I'm probably within limit. The fam will be coming every Sunday so I'm just going to have to get more disciplined really, my problem was thinking that I wouldn't get any actual food until dinner on Monday and I caved, so next week I'm just going to have to think on my WW cake slice with my shake in the evening and I'll feel better for it. AND, I didn't go overboard by any stretch and it's still only day 2 ffs you know? Also, I probably had a few sneaky calories left over from yesterday anyway;) so I don't wanna beat myself up about it too much...

Tomorrow is another day, and we're off to tescos for the big shop of the week, so I'm off to scope out some low-cal ready meals, and some yummy WW desserts!! Yum! Also I'm going to try one of the dusty pilates vids that my Nan has lying around and see if it's any good :) Will keep track of progress on here and I must say it's so good to be able to be honest on here and talk about it all! Any suggestions for great WW desserts and meals would be much appreciated, really looking forward to lemon chicken risotto tomorrow!

Have a good night!

Put some sugar free squash in there, won't add much to your calorie total. I''m a bugger for drinking mine before bed too, and then end up weeing all night!


Lol, I totally know what you mean! Had my 4 pints yesterday, 3 today and it's 9:50pm so I've still got one to go and I know that after I've had it will indeed be weeing all night too :D
Thanks Rowanx2, yeah looked back over yesterday and was 300 cals under anyway so I won't beat myself up! ;) Tomorrow is another day! Your pics are amazing btw! Am sure you'll get back to where you want to be! :D:D
Day 3!

Hi all! :) Had a good day today, had the SF tortilla chips we'd bought to try out late last night as they were calling me, so I have added that to today's total - originally felt bad about it but decided that at least if they were eaten they wouldn't tempt me anymore - crisps were always a HUGE vice for me, so I'm determined not to have them for a good while!

Woke up and had my vanilla shake for breakfast, was again just really sickly sweet, I think I might have to just stick to coffee which could get boring after a while... but we'll see. Went to Asdas with my nan and cousin late morning so my nan could take her camera film in to be developed - It was going to take an hour so we went to the cafe and my cousin had fishfingers, chips and beans. I was sooooooooo tempted to have a chip, she left half her plate of them but I didn't succumb! Instead I had a J2O apple/raspberry juice at 127 calories. We went to pick up a couple of Asda lighter version ready meals and came across the WW fresh meals!!!!! I got thai red curry (which I love from a takeaway), and the chicken tikka masala one as well, and got a couple of the chicken basil pasta (asda version) frozen meals too. Also, I found the elusive WW pizza!!! I'd practically given up on ever having pizza again and was soooo happy to find the pepperoni one! :D Simple things eh? ;) (I have to say I was shocked at the disparity in calories between WW versions and "normal" versions although I realise that that is totally the point of having WW versions...) Also, I found the WW garlic bread which I shall have with my pasta meals.
On the dessert side, there was an offer/discount on the WW rice puddings so we got one pack of caramel and one of vanilla.

At Tescos, I went looking for slim fast shakes, and got another pack of coffee - not getting strawb again, just sooooo overly sweet for me, but got a rasp crush and rich choc to try and to give me some variety. I also got a pack of the cinnamon and raisin flapjack meal bars, which I had with a pint of water when we got home. It was ok, really really cinammon-y but actually pretty good. Will possibly have tomorrow for lunch as well.

Had a late dinner - around 7:45, which really isn't that late at all, but I was ready for it by then for sure... of sausages and mash with a lot of veg and gravy. My Nan cooked it, the sausages were 100 cals each and I had two but she deep fried them, so I'm adding an extra 50 cals to be safe (?), a couple scoops of mash and some steamed veg with gravy - and oh a teaspoon of mint sauce (I'm weird I know!) and the obligatory pint of water :D I don't think that would take me to 500 cals, so I had my caramel rice pudding at 114 calories. I passed over the 22-something calorie WW raspberry cheesecakes I found at Tescos - sooo can't wait to try them, but will save them for days where I've been really good. I'm finding it so hard when not eating a ready meal cos I have no real guidelines as to how many calories etc... Hmmmm, well at least for the next few days, that's not something I'll have to worry about - it's going to be -

B- Shake
L - Meal bar or shake
D - Ready meal and dessert (under 600 cals)
Water - 4 pints...

I'm finding the water easier to get down now which is great! and also I did my pilates vid today, well the daily 25 min section, damn it stretches you out... I'm going to do the daily one again tomorrow and tackle the 45 min exercises on Wednesday when no one else is in the house! ;)

Right now I'm about to polish off the end of my caramel rice pudding with the last of my final pint of water for today and watch the biggest loser to give me some more inspiration! :)

Have a good night!