thismomentisfate
New Member
I have found myself in a confusing positive. I'm a 26 year old woman, 5'5” 140 lbs. I was at 130 lbs 6 months ago, but i've slowly but surely gained back 10 lbs of the 100 lbs I lost a year and a half ago.
But I find myself struggling. I am unhappy with my body, I hate seeing girls that have flat abs and I'm stuck with fat and stretch marks on mine, I have loose skin on my arms and around my body. I feel pretty with clothes on, but I feel ugly without them. I know appearances are secondary to health, but it really messes with your motivation when you look in the mirror and realize all the exercise you do you will never have the body you want....
It sucks because I had a big belly (its not a bump its actually big) at 130 lbs and now its even bigger at 140 lbs, I put clothes on that used to fit well and I see the fat squeezed from my tummy, and hips. Whats confusing is that I love being healthy, and fit. I love that I dont get tired when I walk around a lot, I love that I fit into clothes I used to want to fit in. I have been wanting to become a dietitian for a few years now and will finally start FIU after getting my AA.
about 6 months I got tired of seeing people being able to eat what they want whenever they want. That I let go of calorie counting. I still ate healthy, but if I went out and felt like eating something unhealthy, I wouldnt stop myself. There were some weeks where I would spend a day just eating junk food like I used to until I would feel stuffed. While my overall diet wasnt horrible I was eating too many calories.
Im trying to lose the 10 lbs I gained, but i've started resenting calorie counting. But its the only thing that gives me success. I have never been restrictive and denied myself sweets I wanted I just added them to my calories. But I have one and I get this urge to eat the whole bag! But im sweet obsessed I could eat sweets all day if I wanted too. I can wake up in the morning and have ice cream without a problem. Lol thats the only thing I miss about being fat, the freedom of eating whatever I want whenever I want. Having a bag of oreos and not caring about the calories. Sometimes I want to just enjoy food and not worry so much about the nutritional value. But how can I do that without gaining?
It sounds horrible I know. I was miserable when I was fat. But I cant deny that I love food, I just dont know how to find a balance between being healthy and being able to enjoy some high calorie things every now and then. Some days I think “whats the point?” and I feel tempted to just give up on caring about my health. Right now to lose these 10 lbs im eating 1500 calories and exercising 6 days a week. I started 3 weeks ago again. But like 3 days ago, I got invited to chinese and I ended eating a lot of junk. I realized that I tend to give in when im feeling down.
But its strange when I first started this journey I would be able to say no and feel better about myself. But I got kind of tired of the rules and restrictions and needing to know the calories on things. What can I do so I dont give up on being healthy? And still keep this weight off? I dont want to go back to losing/gaining 100 lbs. Im feeling lost and confused, can someone offer some useful tips? How can I find success? Its not enough to remind myself about my health or look at before and after pics. Once im feeling low the “what the heck!” mentally kicks in.
But I find myself struggling. I am unhappy with my body, I hate seeing girls that have flat abs and I'm stuck with fat and stretch marks on mine, I have loose skin on my arms and around my body. I feel pretty with clothes on, but I feel ugly without them. I know appearances are secondary to health, but it really messes with your motivation when you look in the mirror and realize all the exercise you do you will never have the body you want....
It sucks because I had a big belly (its not a bump its actually big) at 130 lbs and now its even bigger at 140 lbs, I put clothes on that used to fit well and I see the fat squeezed from my tummy, and hips. Whats confusing is that I love being healthy, and fit. I love that I dont get tired when I walk around a lot, I love that I fit into clothes I used to want to fit in. I have been wanting to become a dietitian for a few years now and will finally start FIU after getting my AA.
about 6 months I got tired of seeing people being able to eat what they want whenever they want. That I let go of calorie counting. I still ate healthy, but if I went out and felt like eating something unhealthy, I wouldnt stop myself. There were some weeks where I would spend a day just eating junk food like I used to until I would feel stuffed. While my overall diet wasnt horrible I was eating too many calories.
Im trying to lose the 10 lbs I gained, but i've started resenting calorie counting. But its the only thing that gives me success. I have never been restrictive and denied myself sweets I wanted I just added them to my calories. But I have one and I get this urge to eat the whole bag! But im sweet obsessed I could eat sweets all day if I wanted too. I can wake up in the morning and have ice cream without a problem. Lol thats the only thing I miss about being fat, the freedom of eating whatever I want whenever I want. Having a bag of oreos and not caring about the calories. Sometimes I want to just enjoy food and not worry so much about the nutritional value. But how can I do that without gaining?
It sounds horrible I know. I was miserable when I was fat. But I cant deny that I love food, I just dont know how to find a balance between being healthy and being able to enjoy some high calorie things every now and then. Some days I think “whats the point?” and I feel tempted to just give up on caring about my health. Right now to lose these 10 lbs im eating 1500 calories and exercising 6 days a week. I started 3 weeks ago again. But like 3 days ago, I got invited to chinese and I ended eating a lot of junk. I realized that I tend to give in when im feeling down.
But its strange when I first started this journey I would be able to say no and feel better about myself. But I got kind of tired of the rules and restrictions and needing to know the calories on things. What can I do so I dont give up on being healthy? And still keep this weight off? I dont want to go back to losing/gaining 100 lbs. Im feeling lost and confused, can someone offer some useful tips? How can I find success? Its not enough to remind myself about my health or look at before and after pics. Once im feeling low the “what the heck!” mentally kicks in.
