sassey50kg
determined to be thin!
Hello all,
I have decided to start this diary as I dont really have anyone I can talk to about my weight problems. It doesnt really matter if nobody reads this, but I feel I need this extra motivation and outlet to moan and hopefully celebrate my fantastic weight loss!!!
Brief history=
Always been slightly cubby as a child (though of course, looking back, nowhere as chubby as I thought I was) I am mixed race (in a v white area) and grew massive boobs before anyone else at school, so always felt left out, even though I was popular.
Food was my best friend before too long, and in many ways still is. It makes me fat, unhealthy, a loner, depressed and disgusted with myself, but it is always there for me, rain or shine.
I have been trapped (prob by choice) by eating disorders for the last 10 yrs 1st anorexia, then bulimia, now binge eating. Reading text books on the subject, this is a well documented pattern, so maybe I am on the last 'leg' and soon will emerge as 'cured'. Who knows, atm I just wannna lose weight. I feel I cant get 'better', but maybe I can be slim.
This all sounds suitably miserable doesnt it!!! But actually on the surface I have a good life, I just feel that I am not living it properly til I am slim. I am scared of the unknown, I bury my head in the sand alot (read 'sand' as cakes!) to avoid just about everything. I am completely over sensitive about everything, this makes me selfish and constantly needing reassurance from my best buddy food.
I have tried CD before and only stuck out 10 days before giving in. The time was not right, but this time I have a real opportunity to give it a proper go. I have been restarting every mon for a few weeks now (my cdc must think I am a real muppet!) but I am always telling myself, 1 more day of binging wont hurt. Well the buck stops here.
I figure that having 68lbs of excess baggage should take aprox 154 days of CD and so for the next 154 days I pledge to weigh-in and muse over any thoughts, difficulties and truimphs.
I am so pleased for everyone who has lost so much weight with CD, it really would be a privilege and an remarkable achievement to join you.
xxx
I have decided to start this diary as I dont really have anyone I can talk to about my weight problems. It doesnt really matter if nobody reads this, but I feel I need this extra motivation and outlet to moan and hopefully celebrate my fantastic weight loss!!!
Brief history=
Always been slightly cubby as a child (though of course, looking back, nowhere as chubby as I thought I was) I am mixed race (in a v white area) and grew massive boobs before anyone else at school, so always felt left out, even though I was popular.
Food was my best friend before too long, and in many ways still is. It makes me fat, unhealthy, a loner, depressed and disgusted with myself, but it is always there for me, rain or shine.
I have been trapped (prob by choice) by eating disorders for the last 10 yrs 1st anorexia, then bulimia, now binge eating. Reading text books on the subject, this is a well documented pattern, so maybe I am on the last 'leg' and soon will emerge as 'cured'. Who knows, atm I just wannna lose weight. I feel I cant get 'better', but maybe I can be slim.
This all sounds suitably miserable doesnt it!!! But actually on the surface I have a good life, I just feel that I am not living it properly til I am slim. I am scared of the unknown, I bury my head in the sand alot (read 'sand' as cakes!) to avoid just about everything. I am completely over sensitive about everything, this makes me selfish and constantly needing reassurance from my best buddy food.
I have tried CD before and only stuck out 10 days before giving in. The time was not right, but this time I have a real opportunity to give it a proper go. I have been restarting every mon for a few weeks now (my cdc must think I am a real muppet!) but I am always telling myself, 1 more day of binging wont hurt. Well the buck stops here.
I figure that having 68lbs of excess baggage should take aprox 154 days of CD and so for the next 154 days I pledge to weigh-in and muse over any thoughts, difficulties and truimphs.
I am so pleased for everyone who has lost so much weight with CD, it really would be a privilege and an remarkable achievement to join you.
xxx