x-Katie-x
Gold Member
It's been a long long time, way too long in fact - I should have come back sooner and sadly I knew that as from the day I left the site and left the diet but I just couldn't do it..... however I am back (first post after doing much lurking - got to say that I'm so so so happy to see how fabulous you've all been doing BL, Kellie, Bex and others you all look bloody gorgeous and are doing brilliantly xx), but differently in that I'm meeting a Cambridge counsellor on Tuesday and really hope to start on that as soon as.
I kind of planned this as being one of those short messages, however just from the paragraph above I kind of get the feeling that's not gonna happen!
Firstly I want to thank and apologise to all those who contacted me - I really was touched by your messages and so wanted to reply but just couldn't do it ----- I knew how much I'd let myself down and just couldn't face actually writing it down (even now I'm wondering will this message get posted or will I hit the delete key --- I've been here before).
The main reason for my initial leaving was really (sadly) a work related thing, I'd got the new job and on the day I left the old one I ate - I'd gone through so much strain, tension and personal trauma in that job for what was probably 2 years and the upshot was that though I left some lovely people behind I was so glad to get out but i had such a big guilt feeling hanging over me about how I knew I didn't feel as 'sad' to leave as I should have - to be honest I left there and instead of feeling joy I just felt battered and knackered and that all the fight in me just left me that day --- and I ate, and I ate and then because I was then full of annoyance and anger at myself I ate some more. I tried to kid myself that I was happy but I wasn't and basically that's what I've been like for the past 6 months, I've ate my way (almost) to where I started and I am so miserable, not about anything else other than the fact that I've done this. Strangely too though I've hardly been well since stopping the diet, I've had cold/flu/chest infection for 9 weeks which finally led to laryngitis and a total loss of voice - it's as though my mental state of mind is linked to my physical wellbeing, I've been unhealthy in body and mind.
Anyway today I turn 40, as you know my goal was to be slim at 40 well I've so messed that up - in fact I got even worse as I got closer to this date --- but instead of being miserable about it this weekend I decided that enough is enough and I've contacted a CDC who I'm now going to meet on Tuesday and I'm really hoping that I'll be able to start on the diet asap.
So here goes it's onwards and downwards hopefully from Tuesday, I'll let you know if I am able to join or if I have to wait till I've seen a doctor etc.
Love to all xxx
Katie
x
I kind of planned this as being one of those short messages, however just from the paragraph above I kind of get the feeling that's not gonna happen!
Firstly I want to thank and apologise to all those who contacted me - I really was touched by your messages and so wanted to reply but just couldn't do it ----- I knew how much I'd let myself down and just couldn't face actually writing it down (even now I'm wondering will this message get posted or will I hit the delete key --- I've been here before).
The main reason for my initial leaving was really (sadly) a work related thing, I'd got the new job and on the day I left the old one I ate - I'd gone through so much strain, tension and personal trauma in that job for what was probably 2 years and the upshot was that though I left some lovely people behind I was so glad to get out but i had such a big guilt feeling hanging over me about how I knew I didn't feel as 'sad' to leave as I should have - to be honest I left there and instead of feeling joy I just felt battered and knackered and that all the fight in me just left me that day --- and I ate, and I ate and then because I was then full of annoyance and anger at myself I ate some more. I tried to kid myself that I was happy but I wasn't and basically that's what I've been like for the past 6 months, I've ate my way (almost) to where I started and I am so miserable, not about anything else other than the fact that I've done this. Strangely too though I've hardly been well since stopping the diet, I've had cold/flu/chest infection for 9 weeks which finally led to laryngitis and a total loss of voice - it's as though my mental state of mind is linked to my physical wellbeing, I've been unhealthy in body and mind.
Anyway today I turn 40, as you know my goal was to be slim at 40 well I've so messed that up - in fact I got even worse as I got closer to this date --- but instead of being miserable about it this weekend I decided that enough is enough and I've contacted a CDC who I'm now going to meet on Tuesday and I'm really hoping that I'll be able to start on the diet asap.
So here goes it's onwards and downwards hopefully from Tuesday, I'll let you know if I am able to join or if I have to wait till I've seen a doctor etc.
Love to all xxx
Katie
x