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Hello there......

#1
It's been a long long time, way too long in fact - I should have come back sooner and sadly I knew that as from the day I left the site and left the diet but I just couldn't do it..... however I am back (first post after doing much lurking - got to say that I'm so so so happy to see how fabulous you've all been doing BL, Kellie, Bex and others you all look bloody gorgeous and are doing brilliantly xx), but differently in that I'm meeting a Cambridge counsellor on Tuesday and really hope to start on that as soon as.

I kind of planned this as being one of those short messages, however just from the paragraph above I kind of get the feeling that's not gonna happen!

Firstly I want to thank and apologise to all those who contacted me - I really was touched by your messages and so wanted to reply but just couldn't do it ----- I knew how much I'd let myself down and just couldn't face actually writing it down (even now I'm wondering will this message get posted or will I hit the delete key --- I've been here before).

The main reason for my initial leaving was really (sadly) a work related thing, I'd got the new job and on the day I left the old one I ate - I'd gone through so much strain, tension and personal trauma in that job for what was probably 2 years and the upshot was that though I left some lovely people behind I was so glad to get out but i had such a big guilt feeling hanging over me about how I knew I didn't feel as 'sad' to leave as I should have - to be honest I left there and instead of feeling joy I just felt battered and knackered and that all the fight in me just left me that day --- and I ate, and I ate and then because I was then full of annoyance and anger at myself I ate some more. I tried to kid myself that I was happy but I wasn't and basically that's what I've been like for the past 6 months, I've ate my way (almost) to where I started and I am so miserable, not about anything else other than the fact that I've done this. Strangely too though I've hardly been well since stopping the diet, I've had cold/flu/chest infection for 9 weeks which finally led to laryngitis and a total loss of voice - it's as though my mental state of mind is linked to my physical wellbeing, I've been unhealthy in body and mind.

Anyway today I turn 40, as you know my goal was to be slim at 40 well I've so messed that up - in fact I got even worse as I got closer to this date --- but instead of being miserable about it this weekend I decided that enough is enough and I've contacted a CDC who I'm now going to meet on Tuesday and I'm really hoping that I'll be able to start on the diet asap.

So here goes it's onwards and downwards hopefully from Tuesday, I'll let you know if I am able to join or if I have to wait till I've seen a doctor etc.

Love to all xxx

Katie
x
 
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DQ

Queen of the Damned
#2
Happy birthday and what an excellent present to give yourself - a fresh slate :hug99:
 
#3
Wow - it's your birthday, and we get a gift! You! :)

I feel like my left arm has returned!!! I have really been missing you Katie, and its so nice to see you back. :D :D :D <does a little snoopy dance> :D

I am so sorry thigs went wrong for you, but as LS said - your cup sounds like it did runneth over, and you had a lot to deal with - and it sounds as if it all caught you by surprise - all that came up when you left your job. So don't go beating yourself up now.

There is nothing wrong with being slim for your 41st birthday! ;)

I am so sorry to hear you have put the weight back on - I know how soul destroying that can be - but you have done the right thing - you are dealing with it. And we all know, the time has to be right, and it sounds like it now is. So don't be too hard on yourself, OK. <hugs>

I'm just so chuffed to hear from you again. :bliss:

I hope you hear from CD soon...as you sound rarin to go. Just out of curiosity, what has made you choose CD thistime?

I'm proud of you for hitting the post, rather then delete button. I know it takes guts to come back, so good on ya girl.

It really is great to have you back. :)

See you round the site! :)

<trots off singing happily, "Katie's back! Katie's back!" >

:D :D
 
#4
Arghhh had just typed a long reply and somehow lost it all! Try again....

Thanks everyone for your messages, DQ it's great to 'see' you again x, LS you're spot on with the cup overfilling - mine just piled over the edge and ran, BL thanks for your gorgeous reply = bloody missed you x

As to why going on Cambridge, well the main reason is that I just don't want to do the whole groupwork thing, I'd got to the stage before I left of avoiding the classes and going to pop ins to get packs as I didn't really feel I was benefiting from it at all --- so it seems the ideal thing to go on Cambridge as I won't be paying for something that I don't want (or am not getting). I also think it will be beneficial to have a whole 'new start' and with my new CDC I will get that.

I spoke to my CDC earlier and have an appointment for tomorrow night so will start back on the diet on Wednesday - got to say that I am really looking forward to it, it will be great for my body and mind.

I will keep posting in the LL forum as well though - luckily when I was here before I used to post all over so I'm used to that :)

Does anyone hear from Lady or Claire - are they still posting/doing the diets, I've not noticed any posts from them.

Katie
xx
 

DQ

Queen of the Damned
#5
It sounds like you've got yourself in the right 'mode' - go for it Katie :clap:
 

annaphylactic

Guess who's back...?
#6
Hi Katie - we never met before - I've only been doing LL for the last three months... but from reading your post, you seem like your head is in a great motivated place and I am sure you will do brilliantly! :) xx
 
#7
Good luck with your fresh start Katie, please dont beat yourself up about the past as you cant change that just keep looking forward and I am sure you will do fantastically.
Sending loads of birthday hugs
Sarah
 

Cherry Plum

One day at a time
#8
Hi Katie, welcome back, are you Katie oxo?
Mini mins needs lots of experienced dieters.
Good luck with the next stage of your diet.
 
#9
Hi Katie, welcome back, are you Katie oxo?
Mini mins needs lots of experienced dieters.
Good luck with the next stage of your diet.
Hi Cherry - yes I was also Katie Oxo, I had to rejoin as I couldn't get back in the site under that name as I'd lost email account/password etc.

Thanks for your support, good to see you're back on it, you're doing really well :)

Katie
xx
 
#11
Hi K :)

Changing to CD sounds like a good plan for you! I wish you all the luck in the world hon. I know you can do this!!

It's jst so glad to have you back. Have not seenhide nor hair of Lady, Claire, Corey or any of the old bunch for yonks. Kellie is around reading but doesn't post very often - but she's out there! <hi Kellie!! :D>

I'm just so happy to see you again!!!

Have a good nite and I'll look forward to hearing about your meet with the CDC. :)

XX
 

Cherry Plum

One day at a time
#12
Ahh Thanks Katie it is a struggle - but we must never give up until we have conquered it.

I hope that CD is everything you want & need.
Good luck
 
#13
Hi Katie, I think you must have left before I joined or became in any way active here. I just wanted to wish you well with CD and given the glowing responses you're getting from people I respect, I can tell you're someone special :)

I just wanted to say - in a few places, you say things like "I'd let myself down" and "I've so messed that up". Be kind to yourself, Katie. Be as kind to yourself as you would your closest loved ones. You would pick them up and make them feel better, so do that for yourself. What is done is done, you were under terrible strain and now you can look to the future instead.

Good luck and I look forward to getting to know you.
 
#14
Irene (((hugs))), you're doing brilliantly, I noticed on some of your posts last night that you're very close to your goal now - good girl you x

Andy thanks for your lovely post - I aim and intend to stick to what you have said, the downs are all in the past and believe me the future is looking brighter, in all honesty I've not felt this alive and optimistic about the future since I stopped doing the diet in May. Funnily enough I have always really enjoyed SS'ing while I am doing it, it's just that when I give up I totally give up - but not any more. You come across as a really lovely person and I look forward to getting to know you more too ---- and big congrats on your LL journey, you're doing brilliantly!

Katie
xx
 
#17
welcome back Katie - you have been missed - hope the family is well and the lad still enjoying the RAF?
My girl officially out now - well garden leave till the end of November fully fledged 12 years pensioned up and under 30 . Marvellous!!

Good Luck
Am xx
 
#18
Lovely to hear from you again hun and it sounds like you are psyched up and raring to go. Good luck with CD and please don't be a stranger.

xx
 
#19
welcome back Katie - you have been missed - hope the family is well and the lad still enjoying the RAF?
My girl officially out now - well garden leave till the end of November fully fledged 12 years pensioned up and under 30 . Marvellous!!

Good Luck
Am xx
Thanks Ameythist, it's good to be back - glad to see you're still here :)

Yes he's still enjoying it, though he's in Scotland at the moment for 3 weeks and he's def not enjoying the weather there - specially as they've got him doing nights!

Glad to hear that she's all pensioned up - how lovely to get a pension at that age :) Does she have any set plans for what she wants to do now?

Katie
xx
 
#20
Hi Georgie, you're looking gorgeous as ever, loving the new picture! Saw that you're stairs are being shared out now - party round at your house for the photo shots xx

Irene I think you're doing it a good way there breaking it up like that - makes good sense! :D
 


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