Help! Husband wants me to come off packs

[Spanglymum]

(quick background: lost 6 st on LL two years ago and maintained really well. Had two months off (Nov/Dec) and stacked an incredible amount (c. 30lb!) on, which I'm now losing using sns packs.)

Really grumpy today. Total 'rebellious child' stuff going on. My husband doesn't like me being on packs, and is getting impatient for me to come off them as soon as possible so we can eat the same dinner together. I was all excited this morning with the thought of getting some of this 'slim pasta' or 'zero noodles' but he thinks it will stall my weight loss, or at the least slow me down, and doesn't think it's a good idea. I can see where he's coming from but I'm frustrated.

I know I 'should' be able to manage my weight with 'normal' food, not packs. But the thing is, this works for me. The past two years have been amazing - not always easy, but learning what works and what doesn't work for my weight maintenance. I don't like feeling as though he's trying to control what I do/do not eat. And I'm scared that if I come off packs I will never get back to goal again . Really feel rubbish. I don't want to upset him but this is MY choice, surely?

The only alternative I can see is to come off packs and go super low carb and really small portions, but I know that won't be as easy to stick to... Help!!!

 

[weasey]

He is doing his controlling parent and you are moving to/from rebellious child and adaptive child. This is your choice. Sit down with him and discuss this in adult mode. Even if he stays in his other ego states just explain to him what it is you intend to do and how you will do it. The no carb pasta won't stall your losses. I also had this type of thing to deal with but I found that by doing this it solved it - well for a few weeks each time!

 

[noodles1609]

That's quite a dilemna, and to be honest I'm with you on it being your choice but in a partnership there needs to be some compromise in most things (funny how it's always us girls doing the compromise....). You've said two conflicting things - hubby wants you to come off packs so you can eat together but hubby doesn't think you should have zero noodles as it will stall your weight loss? I'm unsure why your husband is unhappy with you not having the same food as him? Is that something that can be talked through - is it the companionship of sitting together over food that he's missing? Is it that important that you have the same things at that time? Could you have that time together but take food out of the equation?

You can eat low carb meals and keep losing, and not get the hunger. I'm guessing that without the control of a pack, you don't feel confident to make the right food choices (maybe more around the amount of it rather than the choice of food?). You can do that, you know your body doesn't need a large amount of calories to keep on doing what it's doing - do you still have your LL stuff to go back and read through? Have you read Beck? Both will help.

 

[kjs1628]

Can't you compromise on an evening meal together (you can make it low carb) and packs in the daytime? X

 

[GEEGEE83]

How childish of him! It's your body and your choices.. do not give in just because he doesn't like not eating the same food, how ridiculous and controlling of him.

You do what you feel best to lose the excess weight and then you will be ready to eat 'normally' again, the more he helps you the quicker that will be.

I've been having Zero noodles with no problems at all.

 

[Lulu1964]

I agree, this should be your choice. As as someone said above he seems to be wanting conflicting things anyway...

my opinion is that you should have a talk with him, tell him your fears as you told us, tell him that you don't want to upset him but that you don't like feeling that he is trying to control you and that this is the best way for you...

difficult situation, but say strong and do what is right for you... Good luck xx

 

[Mo-Jo]

you can sit down together and have the same for tea!
that is if hes ok with chicken salad or white fish and veg right?;p
If hes wanting to sit down and eat crap ( like in nov/dec when you gained 30lbs ) maybe he needs to get his head around the fact that you can never have that kinda food regular anyway cos it leads to huge weight gain and makes you miserable.
Jo x

 

[Hamish's Mum]

Sorry but I would tell him to shut up lol


It's your decision not his , you decide what goes in your mouth not him.

I would try and eat a meal pack with him at mealtimes this is what I do with my OH but I wouldn't be worried I was letting him down by not eating the same as him

 

[Spanglymum]

Thanks, everyone.

Mo-Jo it wasn't "crap" necessarily that we were eating - just LOTS more than usual, and things I never usually eat, like bread and pasta and other refined carbs (including - gasp - sugar!!) and wholegrains. I am normally VERY fastidious about following a low-carb/Paleo eating plan. My body just can't hack the insulin rollercoaster - which I do know - but I chose to ignore and experiment. Hence the serious weight stackage situation!

Yes, there is a compromise to be found, I am sure. I do eat my packs at mealtimes, as I think it's important for the family to have meals together - so I'm not abandoning him while i knock back a shake or anything! Just he doesn't "like" me being on packs.

I am very well aware (and was when I wrote the post) that I was/am in a very "child" like place when I talk about this - petulant and stamping my foot almost. "It's not fair" that I can't eat what other people eat and not gain weight quickly. Nonsense. It's just the way my body happens to work. I feel best at a lower weight than this, and I feel better when I minimise the quantity of carbs I eat. End of. It's not "fair" or "unfair" - that's just my mind playing tricks on me.

I know all this! (Honest!)

I was conflating my petulance with the (real) irritation of my husband trying to direct my food choices. I say "trying" because ultimately, it's up to me. I don't have to get annoyed or stressed or irritated. It is what it is. He can have his opinion, and I can eat my packs, without making a huge deal of it. Simple!

 

[weasey]

My husband went through various stages of worry - sometimes it was about the diet itself being unhealthy (particularly after he talked to his personal trainer who hates vlcds), sometimes it was about us not eating the same things, sometimes it was that he thought I'd been on it long enough and should lose the rest through eating healthily and exercise. The way I see it is that I have chosen to make a huge change in my life. Other people haven't made this choice and not everyone copes well with change. They see us losing weight quickly and worry about the health impact. I saw it as part of my responsibility to support them through the change. Explain when they had worries (I had some issues from my mum too...), support them and let them know what was happening. This approach also helped me from going to my child ego states - it put me into adult and I looked at how I could make the experience better for them.

 

[iwillbethinagain]

I have exactly them same issue. My other half hates that we are not eating together (I secretly suspect he hates I'm not cooking for him) so we came to a compromise- I do packs for breakfast, lunch and either a bar or hot shake in the evening and have a protein meal for tea. I make the same for him and give him a larger portion and some pasta or rice etc. That way I am staying on plan and keeping him happy.

 

[kjs1628]

Glad to hear you sounding a bit more positive spanglymum! You've done so well, don't get thrown off now.

I haven't told anyone, except my husband, that I am doing this diet, not even my mum. I know that I would have to face a barrage of abuse about my health / the long term factor / the unsociable nature of the plan / the 'cheating'. While I am in the journey, I would rather it was a private one.

fortunately, my husband is far more supportive of it than I expected him to be. I think when I first mentioned it he was cynical, but he has been pleasantly surprised by how much I do actually eat, and relieved that it's not a total replacement diet. It helps, of course, that I still make his food (groan!).....but that is a whole other issue!

ultimately, we all have to do what we feel is right for us. It helps massively that this forum is here to offload on people who really understand.

 

[donjon]

Husbands are funny creatures. Maybe he has become comfortable with how you look and possibly in the back of his mind he is saying if she can change her body and eating habits what else can she change 3-4 months down the line. Maybe he might be a little bit worried you might trade him in for a newer model. Not all men are comfortable with any sort of change in their home dynamics. Tell him to suck it up. Your body, your health and your choice.

Compromise is a great thing until it becomes a compromise of being healthy. He should be proud of you and support you 100% of the way.