fatstitcher
Full Member
I am writing this as I want you to know how I am feeling. To be perfectly honest I feel as if I am not in control of anything anymore.
The last few weeks with my dad being ill and being ill myself (water problems in Northampton) have brought things to a head again and I think I am depressed again.
I am permanently tired and I really don’t care about my appearance or what I eat, infact I have been on the ultimate see food and eat it diet for the past week, and I keep telling myself that I shouldn’t be eating the things I am eating and then I am getting upset as I know I am undoing all the good work of the past few months and then I eat again – I am in a vicious circle and one the ultimate Catch 22 ride.
I try and plan my weeks meals and start off with the best intentions and then after 2 days I find myself heading towards the snacks that I know I shouldn’t be having, (I have them in the house because they are the things that Ben enjoys and we have difficulty in getting him to eat anything) and these are items which I need to have available, such as crisps, jam, chocolate etc – all highly syned etc.
I am not attending group this week as I have another appointment elsewhere, so I know that I am going to find this week really difficult as I need to stick to plan and also find my motivation from somewhere.
I keep thinking of how people always think I am a failure (previous discussions explain this) and yet again I am proving them right but I am stuck at the bottom of this dark hole and I cannot see a way out of it.
Can anyone help me get myself back in control before I give up entirely and admit that I am a LOSER to everyone.
As I am writing this I am in tears and I am unable to talk to anyone about how I feel as they don’t understand and just think I am over reacting. I just feel like I want to get away from everything, work, home, family and have time to myself to work things out in my head and to plan the future but I know that wish will never happen unless a miracle occurs.
Sorry to burden everyone with this but I need help and support and I know I will get it from you all.
Michelle :cry::wave_cry::tear_drop:
The last few weeks with my dad being ill and being ill myself (water problems in Northampton) have brought things to a head again and I think I am depressed again.
I am permanently tired and I really don’t care about my appearance or what I eat, infact I have been on the ultimate see food and eat it diet for the past week, and I keep telling myself that I shouldn’t be eating the things I am eating and then I am getting upset as I know I am undoing all the good work of the past few months and then I eat again – I am in a vicious circle and one the ultimate Catch 22 ride.
I try and plan my weeks meals and start off with the best intentions and then after 2 days I find myself heading towards the snacks that I know I shouldn’t be having, (I have them in the house because they are the things that Ben enjoys and we have difficulty in getting him to eat anything) and these are items which I need to have available, such as crisps, jam, chocolate etc – all highly syned etc.
I am not attending group this week as I have another appointment elsewhere, so I know that I am going to find this week really difficult as I need to stick to plan and also find my motivation from somewhere.
I keep thinking of how people always think I am a failure (previous discussions explain this) and yet again I am proving them right but I am stuck at the bottom of this dark hole and I cannot see a way out of it.
Can anyone help me get myself back in control before I give up entirely and admit that I am a LOSER to everyone.
As I am writing this I am in tears and I am unable to talk to anyone about how I feel as they don’t understand and just think I am over reacting. I just feel like I want to get away from everything, work, home, family and have time to myself to work things out in my head and to plan the future but I know that wish will never happen unless a miracle occurs.
Sorry to burden everyone with this but I need help and support and I know I will get it from you all.
Michelle :cry::wave_cry::tear_drop: