HELP - I have lost the plot - totally

[fatstitcher]

I am writing this as I want you to know how I am feeling. To be perfectly honest I feel as if I am not in control of anything anymore.
The last few weeks with my dad being ill and being ill myself (water problems in Northampton) have brought things to a head again and I think I am depressed again.
I am permanently tired and I really don’t care about my appearance or what I eat, infact I have been on the ultimate see food and eat it diet for the past week, and I keep telling myself that I shouldn’t be eating the things I am eating and then I am getting upset as I know I am undoing all the good work of the past few months and then I eat again – I am in a vicious circle and one the ultimate Catch 22 ride.
I try and plan my weeks meals and start off with the best intentions and then after 2 days I find myself heading towards the snacks that I know I shouldn’t be having, (I have them in the house because they are the things that Ben enjoys and we have difficulty in getting him to eat anything) and these are items which I need to have available, such as crisps, jam, chocolate etc – all highly syned etc.
I am not attending group this week as I have another appointment elsewhere, so I know that I am going to find this week really difficult as I need to stick to plan and also find my motivation from somewhere.
I keep thinking of how people always think I am a failure (previous discussions explain this) and yet again I am proving them right but I am stuck at the bottom of this dark hole and I cannot see a way out of it.
Can anyone help me get myself back in control before I give up entirely and admit that I am a LOSER to everyone.
As I am writing this I am in tears and I am unable to talk to anyone about how I feel as they don’t understand and just think I am over reacting. I just feel like I want to get away from everything, work, home, family and have time to myself to work things out in my head and to plan the future but I know that wish will never happen unless a miracle occurs.
Sorry to burden everyone with this but I need help and support and I know I will get it from you all.

Michelle :cry::wave_cry::tear_drop:

 

[juliexxx]

Hi Michelle,

Sorry to hear your feeling so low. Life certainly has a way of getting us all feeling like that at some time. It does sound like your depressed. Your not a loser your someone who is fighting against all the elements that life throws at us.
Im in Northampton too, if you ever need someone to talk to give me a shout.
Take care x

 

[Taz]

Hi Michelle and welcome to the forum. You are not a failure. When things aren't running too smoothly it's very hard to stick to a diet. The beauty of SW is that you can have free food. Keep these in stock and try to snack on them then low-Syn snacks.

Take a good look around here, we have all been through it. This is a great place for advice, ideas, support and motivation x

 

[dehli]

I'm so sorry you feel this way. You're not a loser, you're just finding the battle tough at the moment. You should speak to your doctor and maybe they can refer you to a counsellor, you shouldn't bottle these feelings up or stuff them down with food. Things will get better, keep the faith, and good luck xx

 

[slushy]

michelle
i can only echo what the others have said and send you big hugs and the hope that you will feel better soon

please do consider talking to your dr - when you feel like this its easy to fall into a dark hole its impossible to get out of on your own - dont be afraid to ask for help

xxx

 

[kelly22_1]

hi hun i too soffer from depression like its been said b4 do go n talk to your doctor hun they are there to help you honey and so are we take care honey x x

 

[StephCracknell]

Hi Honey

You are deff NOT a loser and we have ALL been there. First thing to sort out is your state of mind, and toss the diet at the moment. Get to the GP quickly and explain how you are feeling and see what they can do. THEN once you are feeling yourself again, then tackle it, otherwise you are setting yourself up for feeling worse. Don't add the diet into the mix because that is such an easy way for us to feel bad about ourselves.

Once you are sorted honey then you will feel better about life and able to face the world!
xx

 

[Irene]

Hi
Totally echo the previous posts. Make an appointment to see your GP and go from there, 1 step at a time.
We are all here to chat to.
Hugs Irene

 

[30FlirtyGirl]

I also echo everyone elses comments, I dealt with my depression on my own and by comfort eating, I hated myself, became a hermit and just survived. 6 years later things got so bad that I went to the doctor and she was fantastic. She identified the problem, helped me through it and now I am starting to deal with the emotions that I shoved down with food those years ago. Please Please go to doctor and dont do what I did, get the help and most importantly get the emotions out, talk to someone, to us, or keep a diary. Once you talk about them, you release the pain and emotion and you can begin to deal with the problem. Bigs hugs to you and if you need a friend then please get in touch xx

 

[Sophs]

Aww hun I am really sorry you're feeling so low :tear_drop: I think you need to have a word with your doc as I am sure thyou get they can help to get you out of this depression.

As for motivation, what I do when I am feeling down is take a look at all the before and after pics on here and that gee's me up to carry on.
I was close close to temptation yesterday as I was having a bit of down day. Hubby had made some truffles for his dad and had a couple left over in the fridge. I would have normally have eaten them, but I thought "nope not today" and shut the fridge again

Why not post on here whenever you are tempted to eat the high sin food, and we will be on your back to help take your mind of it :gen126:

 

[fatstitcher]

Hi all,
Thankyou for your messages of support. I have suffered on & off with depression for the last 10 yrs, more so since Ben, my disabled son was born 7 yrs ago.
I had a very bad time with it last yr, infact I was off work for 6 months, and the Dr has me on a high dose of antidepressents already.
My problem is that I tend to put on this happy smiley face etc and never let my true feelings show until it is too late, I am hoping that actually writing down how I felt last night is a sign that I am ready to tackle it once again.
If my overall mood doesn't improve in the next couple of weeks I will go back to the Dr but to be honest I can't see that he can do anything because I am already on a high dose of Prozac.
I think I am gonna have to tackle this from the heart and find the root cause of the problem, which is going to be very hard and I can predict there will be more tears etc before I climb out of this hole that I am in.
Anyway, I have Ben hoem from School today, due to the water problem in Northampton, his special school is closed for 1 day, so I have spoilt him rotten, he's got the new Bob the Builder DVD to watch (I will do anything for him) whilst I settle down & try and plot my way out of this mess that I am in.
Michelle

 

[Jennyonaplate]

I know how you're feeling - I seem to fall into slumps at times too and then the diet goes out of the window completely. My way of dealing with it is to set myself a deadline for when I will get myself back on track and back to the diet. I think for me it just helps take the pressure off so i stop beating myself up for eating junk, and funnily enough, when i do that i don't eat as much rubbish!

Hope you feel better soon - in life there are always ups and downs and dieting is exactly the same.

 

[Lindam]

Michelle
One day at a time, or even if that seems too long then just take one hour at a time. You are in control, even if it feels that you are not, if you can wait that extra half an hour/hour before eating whatever it is that is 'synned' then consider how you would feel eating it or not - then if you want it go for it and be Ok with knowing that you did take time to wonder if you should. Do you exercise? it must be hard to get time to yourself with looking after Ben. Remember that in order to look after others you need to look after yourself, you are important! Take time, it is the bigger picture that means more rather than the moment in the long run. Take care of yourself. XX