DivaOnaDiet
Member
Sooooooo here we are, again.
I've just turned 32, I've been steadily growing and yo-yo dieting for 20 years - naturally I've done every imaginable eating plan at least 16 times.
I don't actually feel mentally in the right place to start yet - I don't feel like I've committed. But, I do feel like I'm at deaths door, ruining my relationship and that I don't have long to fix things so... I'm here because my brain has forced me to be here, but my heart hasn't quite got on board yet.
This week has been pretty nasty. I'm in Bangkok at the moment with my partner and today I went to the hospital (unrelated issue, wanted a blocked ear taken care of - unfortunately Thai hospitals don't let you in without checking your bra size and BMI). I was going through the standard checks they force you to do when the nurse was visibly shocked and concerned at my blood pressure and then when I got on the scales.. it said a number it's never said before... 150.1kg. After leaving the hospital we went shopping and even getting out of the taxi to pop in a shop to grab a drink and then get back in the taxi was exhausting and made me irritable.
Last week was my birthday and my boyfriend and I were thinking of things to do.. let's go to a floating market? No, can't do that, the boats are too small and I'm too fat (this follows an incident where I stepped on to his brothers boat three months ago and stepped -through- the wooden floor). Okay, let's go to the theme park just outside the city? No, can't do that, I literally won't be allowed on a single ride. In the end the only options we had left were to go to the cinema (so essentially, go and sit down), or go to a restaurant (so.. go and eat) - and I thought, is that it then? Is this the rest of my life? Sitting and eating all week at work just to wait for the weekend when I'll be able to... sit and eat?
To make things worse (and to share far too much detail), our sex life sucks and I really can't blame him either. When we got together, I was about 35kg lighter and training/boxing 3 times a week.. now look what he's stuck with - if I were in his boat I'd be searching for the receipt!
My back has been killing me, I wake up surprised not to have had a heart attack in the night... it's time basically.
Now me and my partner actually live in the neighbouring country, Cambodia - unfortunately we were visiting his family in Thailand when they closed the borders due to COVID and we're still stuck here, 4 months later.
Before we left Cambodia - I was doing pretty good! I'd been vegan, eating plant-based, for 2 or 3 months and lost quite a bit of weight. When we came to Thailand for, what we thought would be, a 3 week vacation, I decided to relax a little and let myself enjoy it (this also meant relaxing the vegan stuff - I was never militant about it) - unfortunately as we've been trapped here for months that 'relaxed' eating period has also unexpectedly extended. I've been very unprepared to do anything about it because we were meant to be on holiday - we didn't even pack shoes, let alone anything suitable to work out in (and lord knows finding my size in Asia is a challenge).. so it's been hard to get in to the right space to get on track.
But now it's time. Now we're in Bangkok (previously we were on the islands) I've been able to find clothes my size - I've bought workout clothes, I've bought sports shoes, I've bought a huge tub of protein powder (I have no idea what it does but.. throw money at the problem, right?), and in 2 weeks I will move in to an apartment that has an on site gym and pool (and will be living there 2 months). I figure tomorrow I will have the official day 1 weigh-in and measurements and try to start doing light exercise - walking, etc. Just enough so that when we move in to the new place in 2 weeks, I can start swimming or doing some light gym stuff. Baby steps.
Anyway - great to be here to feel less alone on this soul destroying journey - I look forward to following your journeys and appreciate your support!
Joe x
I've just turned 32, I've been steadily growing and yo-yo dieting for 20 years - naturally I've done every imaginable eating plan at least 16 times.
I don't actually feel mentally in the right place to start yet - I don't feel like I've committed. But, I do feel like I'm at deaths door, ruining my relationship and that I don't have long to fix things so... I'm here because my brain has forced me to be here, but my heart hasn't quite got on board yet.
This week has been pretty nasty. I'm in Bangkok at the moment with my partner and today I went to the hospital (unrelated issue, wanted a blocked ear taken care of - unfortunately Thai hospitals don't let you in without checking your bra size and BMI). I was going through the standard checks they force you to do when the nurse was visibly shocked and concerned at my blood pressure and then when I got on the scales.. it said a number it's never said before... 150.1kg. After leaving the hospital we went shopping and even getting out of the taxi to pop in a shop to grab a drink and then get back in the taxi was exhausting and made me irritable.
Last week was my birthday and my boyfriend and I were thinking of things to do.. let's go to a floating market? No, can't do that, the boats are too small and I'm too fat (this follows an incident where I stepped on to his brothers boat three months ago and stepped -through- the wooden floor). Okay, let's go to the theme park just outside the city? No, can't do that, I literally won't be allowed on a single ride. In the end the only options we had left were to go to the cinema (so essentially, go and sit down), or go to a restaurant (so.. go and eat) - and I thought, is that it then? Is this the rest of my life? Sitting and eating all week at work just to wait for the weekend when I'll be able to... sit and eat?
To make things worse (and to share far too much detail), our sex life sucks and I really can't blame him either. When we got together, I was about 35kg lighter and training/boxing 3 times a week.. now look what he's stuck with - if I were in his boat I'd be searching for the receipt!
My back has been killing me, I wake up surprised not to have had a heart attack in the night... it's time basically.
Now me and my partner actually live in the neighbouring country, Cambodia - unfortunately we were visiting his family in Thailand when they closed the borders due to COVID and we're still stuck here, 4 months later.
Before we left Cambodia - I was doing pretty good! I'd been vegan, eating plant-based, for 2 or 3 months and lost quite a bit of weight. When we came to Thailand for, what we thought would be, a 3 week vacation, I decided to relax a little and let myself enjoy it (this also meant relaxing the vegan stuff - I was never militant about it) - unfortunately as we've been trapped here for months that 'relaxed' eating period has also unexpectedly extended. I've been very unprepared to do anything about it because we were meant to be on holiday - we didn't even pack shoes, let alone anything suitable to work out in (and lord knows finding my size in Asia is a challenge).. so it's been hard to get in to the right space to get on track.
But now it's time. Now we're in Bangkok (previously we were on the islands) I've been able to find clothes my size - I've bought workout clothes, I've bought sports shoes, I've bought a huge tub of protein powder (I have no idea what it does but.. throw money at the problem, right?), and in 2 weeks I will move in to an apartment that has an on site gym and pool (and will be living there 2 months). I figure tomorrow I will have the official day 1 weigh-in and measurements and try to start doing light exercise - walking, etc. Just enough so that when we move in to the new place in 2 weeks, I can start swimming or doing some light gym stuff. Baby steps.
Anyway - great to be here to feel less alone on this soul destroying journey - I look forward to following your journeys and appreciate your support!
Joe x
. I'm a Kiwi and an old friend of mine has lived in Phnom Penh for years - except he was visiting NZ in March and has been in lockdown there ever since. He's as think as a rake though, so can eat whatever he likes. Ba****d. 
