How to get them motivated

[evilpenguin]

Hi guys, I'm hoping you can offer some advice on this.

I'm sure a lot of you are in the same boat as me, you're doing SW with your partner, or a friend, or your family. I'm doing it with my mum and my boyfriend. The good thing is I live with my bf so I can keep us both on track (bad thing is we both go off track at the same time..) but I don't see my mum a lot so I can't keep her motivated! We've been going to classes now since April and she's 2lb heavier than when we first started. She has IBS so sometimes she's been genuinely on plan and will STS or gain which is understandably disheartening, but I know the IBS isn't to blame all of the time. I don't know how to keep her motivated? It's like she plans to fail?

I email her new recipes all of the time, I gave her some herbs so she could try new things, I'm always suggesting meals and snack ideas for her but I don't think she actually cares anymore. I know that makes it sound like I'm being pushy but honestly I'm not - I don't do it in a mean way at all.

She has recently been transferred to a new job and is finding it hard to settle in, so I think she's using it as an excuse to not eat properly. My dad has said he is happy to eat whatever she eats if it makes cooking dinners easier, my brother can quite happily live off microwave meals (not healthy but he is active and young so can get away with it), so she really has no excuse not to stick to plan.

I think she has been dieting her whole life, her wardrobe ranges from a 12 to a 20, so she really has been there, done that, and maybe she is fed up? How can I motivate her? I suggested she joined my Zumba class but she doesn't seem to want to, and when I mentioned workout DVDs she joked about selling them at carboot sales....

Should I give up or what???

 

[krupskaya]

Unfortunately you can't force someone to share your motivation - you can take a horse to water but you can't make it drink! I'd let your mum make her own way now on or off the plan as you've tried everything. I'd stay off the topic for a while as she's made her feelings known and you don't want her to rebel...

Maybe once she's had time off and settled down she'll make her way back. But it's her decision. Wish you were my SW buddy though with all that great advice and encouragement! X

 

[Gettingthinnerbytheday]

I know how you feel. I am having a battle with my own mum who really needs to loos weight for her own health issues.

My problem is she just doesn't seem to care. She is a size 28 & has been larger all my life & never really shifted any of the weight, although she has attempted lots of diet plans over the years.

I honestly thought he seeing how much I lost so easily & how its changed me would spur he on but no

She use's excuses like, cost of classes, shopping bills, cooking for the family (my dad & brother, but brother is moving out next month anyway!), time & TBH for her it is just excuses.

The thing that gets me is that she moans on about her weight but doesn't show any enthusiasm into doing anything about it.

Like you I send recipes, when she comes here I make her yummy quick SW friendly meals, sent her all her local class info & joining offers & more things. I have come to the conclusion that until she is ready then there is nothing more I can do to help her.

I will keep an eye on this thread to see if there's some great idea's though. Good luck with it x

 

[evilpenguin]

Thanks krupskaya, you're right I know, I just don't like seeing my mum unhappy

I am here anytime you need advice or encouragement! I've finally seen the SW light I think x

 

[evilpenguin]

I know how you feel. I am having a battle with my own mum who really needs to loos weight for her own health issues.

My problem is she just doesn't seem to care. She is a size 28 & has been larger all my life & never really shifted any of the weight, although she has attempted lots of diet plans over the years.

I honestly thought he seeing how much I lost so easily & how its changed me would spur he on but no

She use's excuses like, cost of classes, shopping bills, cooking for the family (my dad & brother, but brother is moving out next month anyway!), time & TBH for her it is just excuses.

The thing that gets me is that she moans on about her weight but doesn't show any enthusiasm into doing anything about it.

Like you I send recipes, when she comes here I make her yummy quick SW friendly meals, sent her all her local class info & joining offers & more things. I have come to the conclusion that until she is ready then there is nothing more I can do to help her.

I will keep an eye on this thread to see if there's some great idea's though. Good luck with it x

Our mums sound so alike. It's so hard to motivate someone who has given up, I know. Thanks for replying xxx

 

[Gettingthinnerbytheday]

Our mums sound so alike. It's so hard to motivate someone who has given up, I know. Thanks for replying xxx

Do you know, I personally think my mum is just resigned to the fact that she is big & that's that.

Thing is her life would benifit so much from loosing some weight

 

[krupskaya]

It must be really difficult seeing them unhappy about their weight but not doing anything about it. Reminds me of a quote someone's got on their signature here 'Being overweight is hard. Losing weight is hard. Pick your hard'.

It's never too late to say never though and maybe when they see how slim you've become with SW they'll want to try it themselves. Here's hoping anyhow. X

 

[moomintrolljen]

Same here Penguin - I started with my mum and sister and i now go alone
I copy recipes for my mum all the time and have even worked out a whole weeks plan for her but she simply doesnt follow plan: she still eats large slices of white bread, refuses to measure milk and eats a magnum ice lolly every night!
TBH it was kinda effecting my motivation so i now leave her to it.
I feel like i need to focus all my effort on me and if she doesnt want to stick at it then so be it

 

[JemmaBe]

Same here Penguin - I started with my mum and sister and i now go alone
I copy recipes for my mum all the time and have even worked out a whole weeks plan for her but she simply doesnt follow plan: she still eats large slices of white bread, refuses to measure milk and eats a magnum ice lolly every night!
TBH it was kinda effecting my motivation so i now leave her to it.
I feel like i need to focus all my effort on me and if she doesnt want to stick at it then so be it

Completely relate to this! Drives me up the wall, 15syns means 15 syns, it does not mean wayhay syns I can eat what I want and then moan that I don't loose weight

 

[*Emsie*]

Have had this myself with a friend but I think it can be very hard and we can only do it for ourselves and when its right for us.
Hopefully if you keep up your good work seeing your results will be the ultimate inspiration for when she is ready!
Its hard enough keeping ourselves focussed and motivated let alone others!
Good luck with your journey lovely x

 

[Gettingthinnerbytheday]

Completely relate to this! Drives me up the wall, 15syns means 15 syns, it does not mean wayhay syns I can eat what I want and then moan that I don't loose weight

When i'm with my mum or on the phone chatting to my dad (who's really chuffed with my achievment, to the point it spurred him on to loose weight & he's shifted a couple of stone, but even that's not got mum going ) anyway, she'll say things like "oh a little bit won't matter" or " oh i've always put a srinkle of suger in/on & its fine - you'll be ok". Or she'll start to raise her eyebrow's when I ask about how somethings been cooked. I don't want to be awkward or anything but do need to know for syn purposes.

 

[evilpenguin]

Thanks for all the replies guys. I saw my mum today and she'd bought some pasta I recommended (Marshall's macaroni) and was really impressed with it. Hopefully my motivation will spur her on and I will keep trying to help her stay on track

 

[Derbynanny]

It is so hard to help others, especially if they don't really want to eb helped. I think often the biggest motivation is you being successful and maybe having your mum over for dinner and cooking yummy SW recipes or going over and cooking some meals for her and your dad.

Good luck

Teresa

 

[tarka]

I can relate to this too - I started out going with MiL who then proceeded to put on 1.5 lbs in the first week! We only went as she was nagging me about it too! So after she didn't listen to any advice I tried to give her I gave up bothering and now just go alone. I've made it this far I'm not stopping till I hit target. I think the others are right though, you've got to want to loose weight for it to succeed and maybe one day your mum will wake up and want your help then - so just be there when she asks for support.
Tark x

 

[prawnchopSuey]

I am going to play devil's advocate here...

But maybe to your mums what you see as motivation and encouragement to lose weight 'because they really need to and would feel better for it' feels like a constant criticism of the way they are at the moment? Which (as lots of us know) can lead to rebelling and the 'sod it, I'll eat what I want' mentality.

I also think that starting a weight loss journey with a friend or partner inevitably leads to comparison - comparison of starting weights, target weights, weekly losses, weekly food intake... And comparison can feel to a lot of people as a competition - which it is easier to not enter than to lose.
Some people find that the competitive element really spurs them along but I think for other people the fear of 'losing' and having worse losses than everyone else stops them from getting involved in the first place, as this will be yet another thing in their life making them feel inadequate.

Just some food for thought.

 

[kcbmama84]

I go along with a friend and I just think it's my journey, I'll do it how I want and apply that to her. If she wants to have her cake and eat it, so to speak, she'll have to live with the consequences not me! Obviously, I'm pleased when she loses or STS and don't reprimand her when she gains but I'm there for her as a friend!
I'd just support her whatever her choices, you can't force someone to change, only they can come to that decision!

 

[avisk]

We aren't responsible for the choices that other adults make. We can only do our best, try to be a good example, and leave others to make their own way.

If they ask for help, offer it - if not, leave them be.

 

[ilovelife]

Get a whip, soon get her moving

 

[evilpenguin]

I am going to play devil's advocate here...

But maybe to your mums what you see as motivation and encouragement to lose weight 'because they really need to and would feel better for it' feels like a constant criticism of the way they are at the moment? Which (as lots of us know) can lead to rebelling and the 'sod it, I'll eat what I want' mentality.

I also think that starting a weight loss journey with a friend or partner inevitably leads to comparison - comparison of starting weights, target weights, weekly losses, weekly food intake... And comparison can feel to a lot of people as a competition - which it is easier to not enter than to lose.
Some people find that the competitive element really spurs them along but I think for other people the fear of 'losing' and having worse losses than everyone else stops them from getting involved in the first place, as this will be yet another thing in their life making them feel inadequate.

Just some food for thought.

Thanks, I really do appreciate that my mum might not see it as positive encouragement, but I really think she would tell me if I was making her feel inadequate. I am just offering her support and advice, there's no comparisons (hell, I've put on more weeks than she's put on) and we've not made it a competition. I just want her to stick to it and feel happy, rather than cheat herself every week and pay £5 for something she isn't interested in. Just looking for advice from others who may be in the same boat, as I know a lot of people start these journeys with another person. And also wondered if maybe I should just let her get on with it, something I'm going to do now but still keep her motivated by sending her recipes etc.