I’m back again for the third time

[charlotte_k]

Well I didn‘t manage to stick to OMAD this past week but I’ve lost a pound which was unexpected. I’m trying not to be too hard on myself otherwise I’ll end up in a routine of depriving then bingeing and that’s hard to deal with mentally. I’m just taking things slower and hopefully stay a bit more consistent and get into better habits x

 

[ladyfelsham]

Any loss is a good one hun, well done!

 

[tipperary]

A pound is great, well done

 

[charlotte_k]

Thanks ladies!

I finally had an OMAD day yesterday! I ate a bit too much and my portion sizes need to be smaller but it feels like its moving in the right direction. Fingers crossed for a good day today, feeling positive!

Im sorry I’m not writing much on others diaries, I’ve got terrible brain fog at the moment

Hope we all have a good day x

 

[charlotte_k]

Today has been a big day. I spoke to my other half about my thoughts about food and eating, my bingeing, ordering extra things in secret in the shopping, eating at night and hiding my eating (secret eating) since childhood. I’ve never spoken those words out loud to anyone and I wish I had done it sooner. He is so supportive and gently encouraging without putting any pressure on me. He said not to worry and that none of that matters to him. We are going to be more open and he said he just wants me to be open so he can support me (as I bottle most things up and he doesn’t know how I’m feeling or what’s going on in my head). This could be a big turning point in my life and weight loss journey, I know it will still be a battle but now I have someone in my corner fighting with me. I feel like a tonne of weight has been lifted from my chest and shoulders today!

I have ended up fasting all day today without planning it. After our talk I've thought about food much less and I just wasn’t hungry. I thought I was a little peckish about 10pm but when I stopped and thought to myself “am I really hungry? Is this my tummy asking for food or my brain?” and the answer smacked me right in the face, it was my brain. My pain in the arse, trickster brain that thinks it can override the rest of my body and take over. Well no more! I’ve learnt to listen to my body quite well since being ill but it’s just the food that takes over. It’s like an addiction, well not like, it really is. I told him that today and it was scary and terrifying as the words came out of my mouth but I finally don't feel trapped and alone.

Crisps popped into my head as I was getting ready to go to bed. I thought “ooh I’ll grab a pack(6 pack which I can eat the lot in one go! ) on the way to bed. So I said to him straight away that I was thinking about crisps and I would normally eat them in bed and that seemed enough to get it out of my brain and of my chest and I’ve gone to bed without any food! Woohoo! x

 

[ladyfelsham]

Oh Charlotte I am so utterly, happily proud of you!!!! What a huge turning point, and what a fabulous supportive response from your OH (typing this with ears in my eyes, happy ones lol).

You are going to completely rock this addiction (because you're right, that's exactly what it is) and be in control. A real achievement xxx

 

[charlotte_k]

Thank you so much hunny! I know I’m very lucky, he has always been very supportive, I wish I had spoken to him about it years ago.

I feel like now I’ve said it out loud that I’m an addict (with multiple triggers) I can finally find a way of dealing with it. I’ve took my first step which is going back on antidepressants. They help with my mood but more importantly they help with my OCD which is a factor. Then in about a week or so I’ll be going on a special diet which is supposed to help heal my gut and help with ulcerative colitis. It’s regimented and a little boring, with lots of homemade kefir (which I don’t like very much!) and blueberries. Having a structured diet might help with my eating but who really knows, at least it should help with the pain.

I started the tablet last night and I’ve got the same side effect as last time of my appetite disappearing. So I ended up fasting for 49 hours. I had SW Chinese curry, rice and salad for dinner. It took me ages to finish it, normally I’m shovelling it in lol. No appetite or wanting to snack tonight which is brilliant but I know it’s just from the side effect, it sort of feels like I’m cheating as I’m not battling with myself. I should just be happy that it’s easier. I’m still dealing with thoughts about food but it’s different x

 

[tipperary]

Charlotte thats great news that you spoke to your other half and even better that he is supportive. And a brave step to take the medication. And with the new diet too this may be a major turning point for you.

 

[charlotte_k]

Thanks tipp, I really hope it is

I know it’s because of the tablet but I had another night with no food in bed! That’s 3 nights in a row I had a terrible headache yesterday but it’s eased off and is just a niggle now so I’ll hopefully have a bit of a more peaceful day today.

Hope we all have a good day x

 

[ladyfelsham]

ears in my eyes...

What??? Time to go to Specsavers .

Reading your posts today makes me feel like you've had some amazing hypnotism, it's just so fab to read. I think finding a way to happily accept that these changes are occurring would be a really good step - and you know we'll support you every inch of the way to do that xx.

 

[charlotte_k]

OMAD today so that’s a 22 hour fast. New fast started at 6.30pm today. I had a steak and potato big soup and a salad. Well I say a salad, it was lettuce and some pepper lol but I couldn’t even finish it. I normally eat until it’s uncomfortable x

 

[charlotte_k]

Thank you so much Susie xx

Another night food free! Although I had a really long dream this morning about being in Subway It’s so cold today, I’m wrapped up in my duvet with the heating on and my toes are still frozen. The shopping is coming later and I didn’t order any extras! When I’ve had thoughts of food I'm telling the oh and getting it straight out there in the open. That way there’s no hiding, I can get some support or talk about if I need to and I don’t feel like I’m alone or have any feelings of guilt. I’m finding once I’ve spoken about it the thoughts seem to go. I’m happy with the scales so far this week, I’m looking forward to Monday morning. I weighed in a day late last week so it’s a 6 day week this week.

I find Saturday the worst day of the week. The day drags so bad and there’s nothing on tv. I just finished watch all of House and it was really good. I’m trying to find something else that’s good, long running but not so good that I need to watch it on a good day. I’m looking for something I can just binge watch on normal painful exhausted days. The problem is that I’ve seen so many series or shows as it’s filled the time since being ill. Also I’m looking for something not too dark as I always tend to go towards police, detective, murder types of show. And I don’t like fantasy, so I’ve not watched game of thrones etc because it just doesn’t do it for me. Any ideas would be appreciated.

Have a good weekend x

 

[charlotte_k]

26 hour fast today. New fast starts at 9pm. I had 2 chicken chargrills and salad (half an iceberg lettuce and a red pepper lol). I could have fasted till tomorrow but I don’t want to do longer fasts too close together. I might do tomorrow but I’ll just see how I feel x

 

[tipperary]

Ive just watched Messiah on Netflix and found it good.

 

[tipperary]

O, also watched both seasons of Lost in Space last weekend and loved it.

 

[charlotte_k]

Thanks tipp! I’ve just put messiah on my list

 

[ladyfelsham]

When I’ve had thoughts of food I'm telling the oh and getting it straight out there in the open. That way there’s no hiding, I can get some support or talk about if I need to and I don’t feel like I’m alone or have any feelings of guilt. I’m finding once I’ve spoken about it the thoughts seem to go.

I think you're on to a winning approach here Charlotte! I live alone and I know I can overthink/over-react/over - everything when it comes to food - when there's no one around to talk about it to. But bottling it up makes it so much worse, so I've been sharing it all with my desk buddies at work and it's making a real difference for me - as I can tell it is with you and your OH - brilliant!

Re TV - I like Father Brown, so there's about 7 seasons for you to binge watch. Vera is another fav - but it's a bit more brutal. New series starts tonight on ITV. Others - Shakespeare and Hathaway (very funny) and just started watching The Mallorcan Files on iPlayer, about a British cop in Mallorca, not sure about it yet, but worth a look see?

 

[charlotte_k]

It’s making a really big difference Susie. I’m not dealing with constant feelings and thoughts of food and guilt. Even my body feels less stressed. I’m so happy it’s working for you too!

Father brown doesn’t do it for me but I love Vera! Looking forward to the new series, I’ve watched all the old ones. I’ve not heard of the other 2 so I’ll have a look at those x

 

[charlotte_k]

22 hour fast today. New fast started at 7.30pm. I had the same dinner as yesterday but a bit less lettuce. I’m so pleased I’m sticking to OMAD and I’m not eating in bed at night. I am feeling a tad hungry still but hopefully it’ll pass, I wasn’t hungry before I ate, how annoying. I was originally thinking of fasting through till tomorrow but I realised that I would only be doing it for the weigh in tomorrow and that’s not a healthy thing for me to start doing again, It’s different if it’s because of my health. Might try and have an early night x

 

[littlemissnaughty]

Hey lovely, nice to see you back posting.
Good luck with your weigh in.