I'm on a journey, not a wagon - join me!

Chubby chick 2023

Chubby chick 2023

Silver Member
Dear Weight


I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for recipe ideas, I can tell you I don't have many. But what I do have are a very particular set of scales, scales I have acquired over a very long career of slimming. Scales that make me a nightmare for weight like you. If you let my waistline return now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you.



Ahem, and so the journey begins.


Another year bobbing around the same weight (ish, I don't actually weigh myself - I just go by my clothes and when they have started to shrink I buy new clothes in higher sizes and complain about poor clothing manufacturing standards).


Another year of reaching each special event, each holiday, each meet up with friends and family with regrets and promises to get back on the wagon.


But it's not a metaphor I'm comfortable with. Who actually wants to be on a wagon? Bumpy, uncomfortable, exposed to the elements and more than likely sitting alongside someone who is really irritating. Yes it conjures images of the pioneering spirit, but for me it also symbolises poverty, hardship and ultimately the downfall of Tess of the D’Urbervilles (I may be overthinking this…)


Every time I mess up on a plan, overeat, don’t count my syns/calories/units/carbs I go f*** it, I’ll eat what I want. Even though I may not actually want it. Because I can, I’m free, I’ll climb back on another time. And it takes me weeks, if not months to clamber back on. The wagon is normally long gone by then.


So a change of metaphor is needed. I’m on a journey, a path. Even if I stray to look at some beautiful wildflowers (eat fifteen jaffa cakes and follow it up with with a tiffin chaser) I just need to look behind me to find the path again, it’s not running away from me. And it’s my CHOICE to eat the wildflowers (wait, what?).

So I’m starting SW again on Monday with my lovely husband. And I’m also going to try and follow the principles Gillian Riley advocates in her books.


Everything I do is my choice. I’m on my own journey. It might take longer than others.


We actually have a good goal in mind. In August it is our 10th Wedding anniversary – and my brother in law is getting married the day before. We’d like to be at our wedding weight and looking fabulous on that day. For me that is around 3 stone to lose (not sure what I am yet) and for my husband around 5 stone.


So what will be different from last time(s)?

Well, we’ve had a SW open in our village, previously had to drive about 20 minutes to a really busy one and then queue up for 40 mins to get weighed, during the day time, which didn’t work for either of us.


This one is on a night where we are both always at home, and we can go straight to our martial arts class.


We both have different jobs and I’m no longer working nights. Always so hard to lose weight and find energy to exercise when not getting enough sleep.


I’m going to embrace EE. Was always a bit of a GREEN freak but ended up eating too much pasta n sauce.


Someone called me ‘chubby’. Yes it was a neighbour’s young son who is not known for his tact and diplomacy at the best of times, but kids tell it like it is don’t they? I’m quite tall at 5’8 but it seems I have crossed the line from statuesque beauty (yeah right) to chubby bunny. Time to cross back.


I won’t be posting inspirational pics of exciting meals because I’m an awful cook, but OH is a chef, so one or two of his creations may make it on here.


Wish us luck!
 
Path is taking me to London today to watch one of the shows.

Will be eating out, grabbing a quick lunch before the show starts. I'm thinking maybe just a salad somewhere. Are the Mcdonald ones high in syns?

Then stopping off on way home to do a night shift! Will pack some free food and some fruit to keep me going.

Yesterday was a good day food wise.

I'm not really using all HE or syns because I'm trying to get back into only eating when hungry, rather than eating for the sake of it.

I expect I'll have them all today though!
 
My OH asked me why I was bothering seeing as we don't have our first weigh in til Monday - he's talking about weighing his pockets down with keys to get a good first week loss but I explained as far as I was concerned my journey has started now, and each day on plan is a day closer to my goal.

I'm just off to Polish my
 
Thanks for the info, however as the saying goes, 'we make plans and God laughs'.

Just about to set out on the two hour journey to London when water started coming through our kitchen ceiling.

Cue cancelled theatre trip whilst we tried to find someone to get it sorted.
On the bright side the theatre have allowed us to rebook for another time (which is good as I was gutted at the thought of 100 quid wasted).

And we then went out for a lovely pub lunch. I tried hard with the menu and ended up ordering poached hake on lentils with a poached egg.
I figured all those things are free. It had a couple parmesan shavings on it so I'm going to syn the whole thing at about 5 syns I think.

I had a cup of tea instead of any pudding and it tastes a lot better than I'm sure any Mcdonalds salad would have done!
 
Thanks Craftermary.

Instead of setting weight loss goals I'm going to set commitment goals.
First one, attend 5 SW sessions. I normally drop out by session 3 or 4. My pattern usually goes
Week 1: Good loss
Week 2: Disappointing STS
week 3 Skip weigh in and swear to get back on it
Week 4: finds me head down in a multipack of crisps and muttering about how it's all a big con and the way forward is Low-Carb (which I actually think is a healthy way of eating but doesn't encourage Freddos and so isn't a perfect fit for me).

I even bought a 12 week countdown once and used 2 of them!

And I get that SW can be a really slow. I find most inspiring the posters here who just keep going despite gains or sts, because all the individual pounds and half pounds really add up. I'd like an award. I've spent about 8 gazillion pounds on SW membership over the years and the most I've ever lost is 6 pounds.

So. 5 weeks. starting tomorrow.
 
First weigh in done. Bit brutal. 14 stone. The highest I've ever been. And the sad thing? I've been dieting for most of this year, clearly going NOWHERE with it!

I'd edit my profile but I can't remember how to.

I've set my first target at 11 stone 7 lbs. So, 2 and a half stone, ideally by August. That's really doable as long as I stick to it.

Pass me an apple and a mullerlight! I'm on my way!
 
Hi Goldi-chocs,

If you click on your username top of the page on the navy coloured bar a box will drop down and you will have access to edit your signature and personal details etc.
 
Thanks Mini, all done.

Now, if anyone's got any recommendations for inspirational minimin diaries to read I'd love to hear them.
 
Tried magic pancakes this morning (well instructed husband to).
Not too bad. Good to be able to use healthy extra b without needing milk as I need all of my milk allowance (and then some!) for my endless cups of tea.

Going to do diet coke chicken and rice tonight as I remember loving that before. Wonder if I can do it in the instant pot......
 
Diet coke chicken last night was a success.

I'm reflecting on how my perceptions of myself have changed over the years. In late teens early twenties I was around 10 stone, and I still was constantly trying to lose weight or felt big.

Ive put on 4 stone since then, but I don't feel 4 stone heavier iyswim and I certainly am so much more confident and like myself as a person a lot more (which of course is a good thing).

I guess the weight gain has just been so gradual. And denial has really set in over last couple of years. Photos I don't like get deleted immediately, and as I don't like most of them there are very few holiday pics of me for the last couple of years.

And without photos, in my head I'm still that same slim 22 year old. And it's a real wake up to hear words like 'chubby' applied to me.

Bit of a ramble really.

Today marks 2 weeks without alcohol. I'm not an alcoholic by the way, but I was really getting into the habit of having one or two glasses of wine a night. Then I had a local night out with friends and drank far too much and ended up with a 2 day hangover. It felt like a 'this has to stop' moment. Felt old and fat and tired.
I'm hoping that no alcohol will not only help my weight loss but improve energy levels and sleep quality.
I've bought some low syn alcohol free wine from Sainsbury's to keep for when I fancy a glass, but as I've never been one to spend syns on drink when I can have cake instead!
 
I can totally relate to your story. When I was at university I was always around 10 stone, however was the most miserable and unconfident about my body. I look back at pictures now and pray to be that thin again! I'd even be happy to be at the 11 stone mark for my wedding. Crazy how happiness isn't always related to actual size and how perceptions change.

I also have cut down on drinking and did a few weeks without. The problem is, that the last 2 weekends and this one coming up I have had stuff on with friends/family which alcohol is involved and very hard to resist.
 
It's so hard to resist isn't it, particularly when you feel like you're making some sort of moral or health statement by refusing it!

Funnily enough, with regard to weight, I don't actually mind my body being heavier, I'm lucky that I have a sort of hour glass shape and I tend to put weight on in proportion, so that my waist is 6 inches bigger but my boobs are too, and I don't really mind it- but it's my face I hate being bigger, the double chin which appears in every photo taken where I haven't been carefully posing (think camera angled down to face, or face resting in hand which is concealing the chinnage)

It ages me so much. If I could have my slimmer face back I'd stick with this size 16 body no worries. That's why nigella types still look so good when they're heavier than regular celebs, they have one chin and cheekbones!

That's not to say I wouldn't love a size 12 figure, but I'm not as ready to put myself through punishing regimes for it like I used to.

Tin of beans and 2 poached egg for breakfast, I'm preparing myself for the dread SW farts!
 
And funnily enough I am also EXACTLY the same. I have an hour glass too, huge bum and boobs. Don't mind it so much. BUT, my face is always a give away as well. When I lose weight, people always say "oh your face looks thinner" which is basically them saying, it isn't so f***ing round ,like a potato, and the triple chin is now a double.

Size 12 is my goal, I am also a size 16 - although sometimes I kid myself by wearing size 14 tops that have stretched over time, or are baggy. I'm really not desperate to be "thin" and have these "gains" that the young 20's go on about on instagram. I am 31 and will just be happy to not have my fat arms and face, and a smaller belly. The face and arms are what I look at first in photos, and what I want to avoid crying over when I see the pics of my wedding day next year.

Oh and hate the SW wind....so does my OH
 
Wow sounds like we're really similar (although at 35 I am one or two months older than you )

How exciting to have a wedding to plan for.

Our ten year anniversary is next year, and that's my goal date. Just to be able to have a lovely picture with the OH and say 'haven't we aged well?' rather than, 'crikey, wtf happened to us?!?'
 
Re the 14/16 thing, I kidded myself I was still a 14 for so long, but then I realised it wasn't the size of clothes that were hanging in my wardrobe that determined my size, but the ones that actually fit me!
 
10 Year anniversary is also a good incentive.

Here's to those wedding/anniversary pics with lack of double chins present....

Yeah, there is something quite psychologically different between a 14 and a 16 to a have tried to clutch on to it for as long as possible. I will like to go to a shop and try on a pair of size 14 jeans and they fit when I have got down to 12 stone. I won't attempt that until then. Mainly because I HATE clothes shopping anyway, nothing to do with size, it just isn't something I enjoy at all and never have.
 
I went to Sainsbury's today to try and find a low fat sandwich /wrap. They didn't seem to have any so I trekked to boots and then Iceland. No joy (not a big town!).
By this point I'm fed up and going off food entirely, so I bought some sliced roast chicken which I ate with an apple and a banana. Boring! But at least no syns used.

Then when I got home I had a pasta n sauce, the cheese ham and leek one which I think is 1 syn? (will check that).
 
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