Is it just me that feels this way?

[saz343]

I am now 4lbs of 6 stone loss. Which sounds amazing. Everyone is telling me that I am looking really good and a different person to who I was. But when I look in the mirror I still don't like the person looking back. :cry: I still look really fat and that's all I can see. I really struggle to see any changes.
Im starting to wonder if losing the weight wont make me the person I want to be. May be there is just no hope and I will never like who I am?
:wave_cry:

 

[Taz]

I think many people when overweight think that the weight is responsible for ALL their problems in life. Then when the weight is gone you find that you are still the same person just less of you! Weight is one issue and that is dealt with by losing it. Any other issues you may have have to be dealt with separately.

Of course there is hope, you just need to learn to like yourself again. I hope you find what it is you are looking for x

 

[jcjazzy]

Hi Saz, well done on your acheivement so far. I have only lost 32 lbs and still have more to lose so I have not achieved what you have,although I hope to do so.
Losing weight may not necessarily help you like yourself as you have discovered,but perhaps you just need to nurture yourself more and accept who you are.I don't think you are alone in this.There is an excellent sticky in the "Bring your head inside..." forum about self-awareness vs self-acceptance.It is worth a read.Good luck xx

 

[Trolley Dolly xx]

Hi Saz343,
Can totally relate to your post, they do say that it takes a while for our minds to catch up. You have done fanastic so far. Yes...it will be worth it.
Im over half way and still think Im the same size I was when started even though people tell me I am not big...and I still look at clothes and think they will never fit and they do!!
Stay strong, good luck with the rest of your journey xx

 

[pete10141748]

I totally relate saz, as I am going through the exact same thing!
I look in the mirror and still see a fat bloke, I have to remind myself that I am wearing 36" jeans and M tshirt and so thers is no WAY I can be fat like I used to be. Still, it's one thing to think it and quite another to *see* it I think.

Give it time, you can't expect to fall compeltely back in love with yourself overnight, it is a longer process than that - and indeed, a different one to how we have been living before. I used to show myself that I 'liked' myself with f**d. Of course, that can no longer be the case and so I'm now trying to find other, more 'correct' ways of showing myself that I like being me.

Keep going hun, a 6stone loss is amazing and I hope to catch up to that same mark quite soon too

 

[slendablenda]

Hi Saz

Being slim won't make you a better or even a different person, but hopefully it will make you more at ease with yourself.
I know for me I am easier to live with than I was when I was 21.5 stone and hating myself. I had no energy and no motivation to do much at all apaprt from go to work and sleep really. I was quite stroppy and unhappy so no wonder my husband wasn't happy either.
I still have days where my confidence wobbles, but my body doesn't any more!
Six stone is fantastic. Give yourself a pat on the back and start accepting the compliments.
Well done you xxx

 

[toller-girl]

I can totally relate to that!

I lost nearly 5 stone on LL last year, and I used to find it really disheartening that the people on this forum were shedding weight and looking beautiful, and I was just looking like a thinner ugly person

I wish I'd confronted that though, because now I find myself back in old habits and having to do something drastic to get back to where I was.

It's a bit different for me because I had a massive emotional trauma which really set me back.

I don't know what the magic forumula for liking yourself is. Maybe it's worth setting yourself challenges to do things you didn't think you could, so you can feel great about yourself once you achieve them?

I always undermine myself when I achieve something. I did race for life last year and ran most of it, but instead of feeling good I just told myself that it didn't count because everyone is able to do that

I'm still a bit stuck in no mans land at the moment, and concentrating on weight because that's one thing I know I can control.

Do you like your counsellor? It might be a good idea to talk to her about it. See if you can find a way to like who you are, rather than what you see so that you feel you deserve to look your best.

Let me be your horrible warning, I'll be the Jacob Marley to your Scrooge

 

[saz343]

Just wanted to thank everyone for you lovely replies. I guess I have never liked myself even as a child so its hard to start trying now. I thought it was the weight that was stopping me from liking myself but maybe not. Cant change much more. I think its my attitude that needs changing. I need to be my own friend, but how is the question. You replies have lifted me so thanks.
xxxx

 

[toller-girl]

Do you think the weight was a symptom of you not liking yourself, rather than the cause?

As in, feeling like you're not worth taking care of yourself, so eating badly and not exercising etc.

I think it's almost like a form of self harm to be honest.

I've decided to spoil myself in non-food ways, and I'm going to do things like have a facial and a manicure, buy some bubble baths and spend evenings looking after myself rather than punishing myself. I'm hoping that taking that time and treating myself like I'm worth something, will rub off on me and make me feel like I am.

I might even set myself an 'unachievable' goal like running a 10k or something, something I can't belittle when I've done it. I've realised I've got very little that I'm proud of, so I'm going to set out to change that.

Do you remember the bit in counselling about positive and negative strokes? Something my counsellor said that really stuck with me is every time you dismiss a compliment, it doesn't go towards building up your self esteem. If you only ever take on the negative stuff, and ignore the positive, then that's all you've got left to decide who you are.

Perhaps it would help you to write down all the things that are good about you, and all the things that other people have said they like about you?

 

[saz343]

I think you probably right toller-girl! My weight was probably cos I don't like myself. I too have started trying to treat myself (non-food). By having nails done and a new hair do! I can pretend to like what I see but deep in my heart it makes want to :9529:
I will try writing a least of what is good about me. But really don't think I can think of any thing! From being a child I have always been over weight so always thought that it was the weight that was making me so miserable and dislike myself.

 

[toller-girl]

Ok, make it slightly easier. What do other people like about you?

If there is anyone you feel really comfortable with, ask them! Don't dismiss anything they say, thank them and then write it down somewhere. Maybe keep a blog if that helps to get all your feelings down.

Try talking to yourself as if you were a stranger, what sort of respect would you give to someone else? Why does everybody else on the planet deserve respect except you? How many people have you killed lately? Or have you been microwaving puppies again?

I'm finding the first few days being back in abstinance really tough going, so I'm doing it in a third person way, almost as though I'm playing The Sims instead of being me. I find it odd I would treat a pixelated game character better than myself!

I don't know you at all but I can tell you two good things about yourself straight away. You're insightful and intelligent, and you've got a lot of will power. I bet if you went back to yourself a year ago and said 'hey, this time next year you'll be 4 and a half stone lighter' that other you wouldn't believe it.

I saw a quote that really struck a chord with me, might with you too.

Don't find yourself, define yourself.

If it helps, think about qualities you would like to have but don't think you've got, and work on them. What one thing can you do differently every day that would make you feel better? Something really simple and achievable, maybe do a bit of exercise every day. Even just spending 10 minutes doing sit ups or going for a brisk walk.

I'll practice what I preach too, we can be self-esteem buddies

 

[saz343]

self-esteem buddies... I like it.

 

[toller-girl]

Hi hun, just wondered how you're getting on?