Jan's journey

[jabbathehut]

well, I did kinda start doing a diary type thing on the 100% forum but figured it would be better here in the right place. Not sure if anyone will read or comment, but writing it all down will hopefully keep me focussed and help me on my way.
So, I'm on week 9 now, although I did have a 5 day break when I went to the UK over Easter. My losses have been very pleasing so far, 33lbs in 8 weeks. However, the size thing is bugging me - My 20's are too big but the 18's are proving to be elusive! So I am still wearing the 20's but having to belt them in - having never owned a belt before (cos I've never needed one!) I have had to pinch hubby's!
Since my 'break' I have really struggled to remain 100% which I am frustrated with. I'll have a few 100% days and then 'treat' myself to a little something. Never anything terrible, but food all the same. I really am disappointed with myself over it, but I am determined to get it sorted out now and be good. I find it worse when I am due on. Once my period arrives I couldn't care less about food. So today (with it having arrived this morning!) I am back with a vengeance. I have a ball on June 4th and another on June 18th and I am determined to look and feel fab for both. Then I am off to spend a weekend with my good buddy in the UK where we are gonna have a 'spa day' and be pampered at the end of June.
I have no real goal in mind for my target weight to be honest. My initial goal shown in my ticker will get me to 12 and a half stone. I guess really I'd love to get to 11 but I don't want to put too much pressure on myself, and I want to be at a weight where I can easily sustain it without becoming obsessed.
I haven't started any exercise as yet, other than my normal stuff - walking the dog, housework, gardening, and running round after the kids in the nursery I work at. I think I am going to crack out my wii fit board and get that going. I bought wii fit plus months ago and it is still in the wrapper . Just need to buy some blinds for the back windows so the neighbours dont wet themselves laughing at me! I am totally uncoordinated.

So, that's me really. I'm trying really hard to make sure that this will be the last time that I have to diet in such an extreme way. I am sick of fighting this weight battle, I want to be slimmer, happier and healthier and to embrace life instead of always hanging back. I'm never going to be perfect, that I can accept, however, I need to be able to love myself and that's a big hurdle for me. So, here's to the rest of my journey......

 

[jabbathehut]

Ah well, I did figure nobody would comment! Often seems to be this way for some reason with my posts, but hey ho.
So, yesterday I managed my first 100% day for a while, was very pleased with myself. Had to talk myself out of things a couple of times, and had to throw my son's leftovers straight in the bin. He's not been well all week and isn't eating much at all, so even tho I didn't cook him lots, he barely ate it. My head was screaming at me for wasting food etc etc - I think this goes back to my own childhood when we were made to clear our plates and lectured on the 'starving children in Africa' if we didn't.
I felt pretty grim yesterday - after mowing the lawn and walking into the town I was shattered, on top of having totm my back was killing me. So I went to bed early...then couldn't sleep! Typical.
Never mind, today is a new day. The sun is shining here in Germany and we are visiting friends this afternoon.

 

[AMANDADOYLE74]

hi , didnt see your post untill today, you sound very determined this time! i have the same problems,stop start stop start! also left overs!!!!!! i have an 18 month old, and used to find i would cook just a little extra to shove in my mouth! re started on wed and doing ss+ with the meal. going ok , so hard not to pick though!! good luck keep going!!!!!xx

 

[Mifford]

hi - only saw your posts today too. I've done similar with the diary thing and am just getting everything out of my head by putting it on here. I've come to the conclusion that a lot of diet and weight battles are mental and this time I'm determined to get myself to the point where I have a much better relationship with myself and with food.

I'm like you too and every time I throw away food my head tells me its wasting it and think of other people starving etc. Anyone I know who has struggled with weight has that same battle about always having to finish everything on their plate since they were a kid and I wonder if its part of why we struggle with food to begin with. I know I've definitely lost the signal that tells me when I'm full and to stop eating and I need to retrain my brain to make it work after I finish dieting.

Congratulations on losing so much so far too - that's awesome. You were probably feeling grotty because of being 100% again for a few days - the first 3 or 4 days back on CD I feel awful and really struggle and then my body kind of clicks and gets back on track and from then on in I find it easier.

The other trick I've started to do is when I'm really craving something and want to "treat" myself I do the same as I did when I quit smoking - I tell myself that if I still really REALLY want it in an hour I can have it. It seems that once I give myself permission to have it my brain stops concentrating on it and wanting it so badly and at the end of the hour I've usually got past whatever the craving was.

What level of Cambridge are you doing as well? Maybe SS+ with the meal will help or switching to 810. You will still lose weight but you won't have to be so tough on yourself and it might help with the falling off the wagon part.

Good luck and keep going - you're doing fantastically well so far and next time you reach for something you shouldn't then just imagine how close you are to the 18s and you'll probably be there in a week and do you really want whatever you are reaching for that badly? That one always works for me too lol

 

[leeds123]

hi, you are doing really well. keep at it and i am sure you will get to goal. oh, and i loved reading your diary so keep posting. it seems SO quiet on all the forums at the moment so dont think we are ignoring you. i've never known it to be so quiet.

 

[jabbathehut]

Hi everyone, thanks for your replies

Well, I ran out of stuff For a couple of days I have been trying to eke out what I had left by having 2 shakes and a small meal but today I ran dry. Hopefully my parcel will arrive tomorrow tho. It'll be my week 9 weigh in tomorrow morning and I know I will have STS or gained but I wont be mad, cos my CDC couldnt help being stranded and I had to eat, end of story. Pick myself up, dust myself off and crack on with it all over again! 5 weeks til I go back to the UK and see my family, who I last saw back in August. Hopefully they will be able to notice a change in me, I'd really love to be in the 13's by then, even if it is just 13.13!
Hope everyone is doing ok.....Once I am back in the swing I'll write more, I just don't really have much to say today - now there's a novel thing pmsl!!!

 

[jabbathehut]

Well, what a day! Got to work this morning to find chaos - my boss had collapsed on the floor having had a stroke (she's only 40) just before I arrived. So action stations required, lots of organising and stuff to do whilst she was being cared for by other staff, then the paramedics, then the attending doctor before being blue lighted to the hospital.
I didn't even really have chance to feel hungry (ran out of packs couple of days ago due to CDC being stuck on hols). When I finished work I went and picked up my mail, including my parcel of CD goodies. Got home, went downstairs to the cellar to get some washing to hang out on the line and discovered that our pet mouse had died at some point through the day. Poor mousey
Of course, my belly started rumbling - CD or food? Well, as an emotional eater, food won for today. CD restarts tomorrow, 100% all day every day.

 

[emzie]

Wow you are doing so well! 33lbs! That's loads! Well done for deciding to stick with it after eating...I always think thats the hardest thing to do!

I'm trying to take eaech day as it come at the minute, aim for 100% each day, but if it doesn't happen, draw a line under it and start again!

 

[jabbathehut]

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeee-haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!

Jan has been 100% today, yay me!

It's been a weird few days after my boss had her stroke. She is thankfully doing well and is expected to make a good recovery. Work has been hard - I have had to step into the Deputy position whilst the deputy is acting manager and some of the other staff have been off with me about it. I'm usually really chilled but I hate hate HATE *****ing and backstabbing and have been on the receiving end of some the past couple of days

Yesterday I did really well up until tea time when I was a little bit naughty, but I vowed no more naughties and I mean it. I only have 4 weeks left to shift another stone (personal target), so I have to do it for me and me alone. I'm really struggling with clothes at the mo - my size 20's are literally falling down but the 18's I have are a bit snug. I feel like people will look and laugh if I go out wearing them. Mind, they probably laugh at me wearing my trousers round my knees anyway!

So, that's my little update. I'll hopefully be in ketosis by Sunday and I'd like to have lost 1-2lbs minimum by weigh in on Wednesday.

Hope everyone is ok xx

 

[jabbathehut]

2 more 100% days for me, I am very pleased with myself. So many things are tempting me but I am determined. Feeling a bit lousy at the mo with sinusitis but getting on with it. Hubby still away, but I'm kinda used to it really! It's sooooooooooo cold at the moment. Last Thursday it was 30 degrees and baking, today it's 10 degrees, wet and miserable! Strange weather, no wonder everyone round here is coming down with poorlies.

Something that I cant get over is the desire I have for meat! I have never been a huge meat eater, some chicken and fish, very occasionally a spot of lamb, but I generally take the veggie options. Yet at the moment the smell of cooking meat drives my tummy into overdrive! Silly thing is, it's only the smell I want, not the meat.

Ah well. Enough random waffling, ttfn