Katycakes Won't Give Up...

Day 52

Scales 12st. (Lucky, very lucky...)

I need to focus and give myself a talking to... after staying on track till 3-ish yesterday I went way off the wagon and made some bad choices while I was at it. I think the day after I've returned from a work-away trip is often a danger time for me, there is that 'letting go' of the discipline (not that I was hugely disciplined while away) which makes me want some kind of reward... and also this time a sense that eating was nice, what harm would it do... but a small plate of cottage cheese and tomato rapidly led to a Frys chocolate bar and that was that, a hot cross bun was next, and I was lost.

I worked very hard all yesterday, and finished the work at 7-ish... that was an element too, in the past i have used chocolate to help me work faster - it does work to an extent but then you crash, so I know with my logical head it is NOT a solution. And by that time I was on a roll and I knew I would get there, so no need for the choc anyways.

Trying to unravel some of the saboteur thoughts. I am tired of CD, a little. (Aren't we all?) And in london the hotel room had good light and long mirrors and seeing myself I could see I was slimmer than at the start, looking better in my clothes, no longer looking 'fat' as such although not looking 'slim' either. Medium, I suppose. But I liked looking 'medium'. I began to think, maybe the 11s would be an OK place to stop at? (And I am not even there yet!) I might be OK as I am. And actually I don't think that's so, I think I need to go on, I know I do, to get a healthy BMI for one thing, to fit into my lovely clothes too, to deliver on the promises I made to myself and get to goal.

But all of those are reasons for the fall. And the worst and scariest reason of all... 'I have slipped before and survived, so what harm would it do?' That is a path I REALLY don't want to go down.

OK. Line drawn, guilt minimal, regret fairly strong... today I will be 100% and will plan my meals. I have to email off the work at 3, and until then will be busy editing/pruning/tidying it up. At 3 I will go out and see Mum, and then be back for teatime for my 810 meal. Sorted. Today i also need to text CDC and rearrange next weeks WI for later in week, as taking DD to an applicant day in Manchester. I will give myself the task of staying 100% on the two days we are away, as well. It should be possible, without spoiling her trip, if I am very careful where we eat.

So... here comes Friday. And my work is FINISHED, or the rough draft of it is. And I am happy, happy, happy.

Happy friday to all of you too.

xxx
 
Morning Katy! :wavey:

Well done on completing your work - you must be so relieved! I hate deadlines, they stress me out completely. I have a job where I regularly need to sit in front of senior managers in a large organisation and have them have a go at me (not personally of course) for what they perceive to be poor service. This I can do with my eyes closed although lots of people would find that scary. Having deadlines to meet, on the other hand, I can't handle at all so am very impressed at your ability to work to them.

Yesterday is history!! You'll stay on plan today and ignore those sabotaging thoughts that tell you that you don't need to lose more weight, that OK is good enough etc etc.

Of course, you may not need to lose more weight and of course OK can be good enough - but that's not why you thought it though, is it. You were thinking up excuses to justify going off plan and didn't actually mean what you were thinking (if that makes sense).

I have them all the time and nearly always use the "I don't mind being a bit curvy" when I want to justify going off plan. Being curvy is one thing - but being lumpy is another and quite frankly I do mind! I was still curvy at 10st something so it's not like I become a plank when losing weight.

Anyway - hope you have a great day! Keep reading your response cards and just keep saying NO CHOICE NO CHOICE NO CHOICE!! when you feel tempted. I will also try and heed my own advice :rolleyes:
 
@ Chels, I wasn't cross.... no way, never, ever, and you can hijack as much and as often as you like!!! I was just being bossy and telling you that you were FAB and not to argue, and calling on my perogative to have the last word on subject as it was my thread!

I hate that sometimes the written word might be misunderstood... I would never be miffed at you Chels, really hope you didn't think that!!! I just wasn't going to let you get away with the tuning heads/turning stomachs comment, you seriously don't know how lovely you are, and not just looks wise. That's what I was trying to say!

Really sorry if I wasn't more clear!

Big hug.

xxx
 
Morning KC the lovely low numbers of 12st i see.!

aww well done.. yep get that appointment booked in with your CDC just think you will defo be seeing the 11's thi week.

happy,happy,happy for ya xx

have a lovely weekend x
 
@ Alli, thanks - the NO CHOICE & OH WELL responses are going to be well used today i think.

As for deadlines... I forgot to mention that my ACTUAL deadline was last October - it was never realistic as had been working so hard on other things I hadn't even begun the project by then, let alone had a hope of finishing. But hey. Work HQ are very patient and know that I will deliver, but this time I was cutting it fine... my ultimate deadline was the first week of March, but someone who needs the work NOW is flying to New York tomorrow and wanted the work to read through on plane so she can begin offering feedback and take it all forward. So... new deadline, and the trip south seemed to wake me up a bit and rev me up a bit after a very long and slightly depressing winter. Just didn't want you to think i am a deadline queen, I used to be, but the workload now is so huge I never have a hope and that does upset me. Work & the pressure of it is a big stress factor and very linked to bad eating patterns for me.

But hey... NO CHOICE. And OH WELL.

And the worst of it is over, for now... woo hooo!!!

xxx
 
Hope you have a good day, will check in later, got to dash now.
 
Katycakes said:
@ Chels, I wasn't cross.... no way, never, ever, and you can hijack as much and as often as you like!!! I was just being bossy and telling you that you were FAB and not to argue, and calling on my perogative to have the last word on subject as it was my thread!

I hate that sometimes the written word might be misunderstood... I would never be miffed at you Chels, really hope you didn't think that!!! I just wasn't going to let you get away with the tuning heads/turning stomachs comment, you seriously don't know how lovely you are, and not just looks wise. That's what I was trying to say!

Really sorry if I wasn't more clear!

Big hug.

xxx
Click to expand...
You're fine honey, just me being a bit over-sensitive, as explained in pm. Big hugs back atcha!!!!!!!! xxxxxx
 
Chelsea Lou said:
I used to turn heads then...........now I turn stomachs lol lol .......didn't mean it. I know I'm not THAT bad ......for an old bird ;)
Click to expand...

Well I think you are gorgeous, with cheek bones to die for!

herewego said:
Of course, you may not need to lose more weight and of course OK can be good enough - but that's not why you thought it though, is it. You were thinking up excuses to justify going off plan and didn't actually mean what you were thinking (if that makes sense).
Click to expand...

Interesting, all of it - but partcularly the choice of a goal weight. I felt I'd failed the first time because I didn't reach my goal. It was 11.7 and I just made 11.12. (I know, how stupid, but the numbers got to me. :eek:) I really was fine at 11.12 though and more to the point, felt really comfortable, that was a good feeling. This time (the last? HA!) I know I want to get there again, but have set my goal again at 11.7 because that's just in my healthy BMI and that, really is what this is all about - my good health.
11.12 does seem heavy doesn't it though written down? I was 10.7 when I got married and very, very slim, 11.7 when I first became pregnant and thought I was fat! Oh dear.......don't know what this is all about really- you just got me thinking. xx

Hi Katy, so rude to ignore you, sorry! I've just had to scroll up to remind myself who's thread this is! On reading your post Day 52 - I don't want to sabotage you, (you know that) and I haven't been doing SW for long enough to become evangelical about it, but might a change of diet help you? After all, there's more than one way to kill a cat (sorry Archie, put your paws over your ears.)

xxx
 
Thanks Bess, if the derailments keep occurring I think I will move up to 1000 and see what happens then... even for a week, maybe, to get my head straight again.

The goal weight thing is interesting, I was so set on goal last time but this time I want to make sure my goal is one I can maintain. It may end up being 11st rather than 10st 7, we will see. Have juts had my lunchtime shake and still ploughing through the work, hoping it will be ready to send off by 3pm.

xxx
 
After KC,

I think it sounds like to did okay -- you conciously made the choices you did. Limited yourself to what you felt your body needed at the time, and very "Beck-like" you are not beating yourself up over it, but acknowledging that these things happen and that we do not let them have long-term implications. We move on and we will get where we want to be, when we do. It is not a race -- it is a long-term change.

Congrats on finishing your work. It must feel soooo good. I hope that once it is done and dusted, you'll find a little Katy-time before you have to head off for DD-time.

MM
 
Hi KC, so glad you finished within your deadline, fingers crossed you get it emailed off at 3pm......

You know what, over the last few weeks I have also decided that maybe I am alright at this weight, maybe I should just go buy myself a few more clothes (as I refuse to buy anymore as I have loads of small ones to fit me) and just get on with life, but ultimately that is not what I want, that is a cop out because I am struggling. Ultimately I want to get to where I was last time which was slightly below goal weight, I weighed 9 stone 12lb and was really really happy, I thought that if I went over 10 stone I would do something about it which I did this time last year but then only lost the weight down to my healthy bmi, I should have gone back down to my goal...... but I know I want to be slim again, I know I want to wear all those clothes in my wardrobe again, and so somehow or other I will persevere!!
 
Thank you Mel & GE.

Loving the avatar Mel... Barbie in space!

GE, so totally agree with the weight confusions, so many of us have been through this I know. Hang on in there, we are going to do it, I know we are.

xxx
 
On the weight thing - several people (not the unkind type) said I looked a bit gaunt at 11.12.........I'm wondering if this might have been just how it is, or if CD does this, pre the carb bounce. If I get there this time on SW I suppose I'll find out then.....
 
Think it's the carb bounce. One slightly odd pal said this to me in summer of 2009, but she was being unsisterly I think - in old pics I look fine as far as i can see. But yes, I know there is a point where you might start to look a bit drawn, do NOT want to go there.

xxx
 
Hi KC -- It is Next Generation Barbie in Space (my 12 year old daughter in the photo).

@ Bess and Linda -

I think our heads have to catch up with how we look. After losing a significant amount of weight, we look different and it takes time to adjust to it.
And, I think also that the bmi thing is not very accurate, as we all know "one size fits all" is false. We do not all carry weight the same way, have identical bone structures, muscle mass, etc.
So, you really have to decide yourself if what you are weighing feels right and looks good to you.

MM
 
Hi KC --

Did you read the book Neris and India's Idiot-Proof Diet? In it they printed a quote that read, "Sometime after 40 a woman has to choose between her arse and her face." I think this is very true.

When (in 2008) I got down to what I weighed at age 28, it just wasn't so pretty. I looked drawn and aged. YUCK!

MM
 
MinnieMel said:
Hi KC --

Did you read the book Neris and India's Idiot-Proof Diet? In it they printed a quote that read, "Sometime after 40 a woman has to choose between her arse and her face." I think this is very true.

When (in 2008) I got down to what I weighed at age 28, it just wasn't so pretty. I looked drawn and aged. YUCK!

MM
Click to expand...
Lol funny but so true Mel. At 10-9 in 2009 on CD the tops of my arms were wrinkly and flabby, face looked a bit lined and although I was slimmer, I looked much older. I was reassured that the skin would plump up again but just hated that wizened old lady look, so buried my head in chocolate.........wrong!!! Will do it the proper way this time.
 
Hey Chels,

With what we'll save by eating less and making better food choices (and not boozing it up), we'll be able to afford botox!

MM
 
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