Letter of complaint

Discussion in 'Slimming World' started by LisaC, 16 September 2009 Social URL.

  1. LisaC

    LisaC Gold Member

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    I just saw this on another board, its quite long but very funny!

    LETTER OF COMPLAINT


    This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to American company
    Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets
    rolling after the first paragraph. It's PC Magazine's 2007 editors'
    &nbs p;choice for best webmail-award-winning letter.

    Dear Mr. Thatcher,

    I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years
    and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard
    Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding
    or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down
    the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be
    your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart
    enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I
    can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a
    little F-16 in my pants.

    Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from
    the curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is
    starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces
    violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my
    body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to
    call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body
    amazing?

    As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt
    seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your
    customers monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know
    about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our
    intense mood swings, crying, jags, and out-of-control behaviour. You
    < FONT face="Courier New" size=2> surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last
    week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her
    boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told
    [FONT=Courier
    New]her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy![/FONT]

    The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just
    crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to
    the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping
    so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I
    opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing,
    were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'

    Are you fu*ing kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny
    middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing
    happiness is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything
    mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James?
    FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never
    be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up
    on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't
    march down to the local Walgreen's a rmed with a hunting rifle and a
    sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

    For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap
    a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say
    something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or
    'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?

    Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective
    immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have
    chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will
    certainly m iss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your
    brand of condescending bull sh*t. And that's a promise I will keep.
    Always.

    Best,
    Wendi Aarons
    Austin , TX
     
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  3. Vixxster

    Vixxster Nojo on the YoYo

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    Hahahaahahah that's brill, I love letters like that. I WRITE letters like that. Did you ever read the one from the Virgin Airlines customer to Richard Branson about their airline food? Google it, hilarious! xx
     
  4. LisaC

    LisaC Gold Member

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    Yes someone emailed it to me, the photos that went with it...aren't some people just a little crazy!!?? :p

    ps. There's a forum on here called creative writing, thought of you. x
     
  5. Morgawr

    Morgawr Silver Member

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    OMG that's brilliant and so true. Can't stop laughing
     
  6. Vixxster

    Vixxster Nojo on the YoYo

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  7. LisaC

    LisaC Gold Member

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    I havn't peeked throught the rest to be honest, I was laughing too much at this one! :p But its just one of the forums, have a nosey x
     
  8. Wyrdsysta

    Wyrdsysta Member

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    hehehe.... my hubs was quite taken aback when I had a similar rant at our telly upon hearing those, now famous in our house, words.... 'have a happy period'....

    Thats either really clever marketing or the stupidest most suicidal bloke to walk the planet.... I think I know which i'm leaning towards...

    Have a happy period indeed.... tsk tsk tsk.....
     
  9. LisaC

    LisaC Gold Member

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    I've never heard this on any adverts, I'll laugh if I do now!!!
     
  10. Wyrdsysta

    Wyrdsysta Member

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    Seriously! watch out for it... always ultra I'm sure it was...
     
  11. Vixxster

    Vixxster Nojo on the YoYo

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    yeah i've heard it on telly too. Always Ultra. Gimps.
     
  12. LisaC

    LisaC Gold Member

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    I imagine your novel could be just as good as Sophie Kinsella's work, she's so so funny :)
     
  13. kelly_333_333

    kelly_333_333 Kelly Manton

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    I had a good giggle at that, thanks :)

    I too have heard the advert telling you to have a happy period to which I always comment "yeah right!"
     
  14. lesserme

    lesserme shrinking granny

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    :D very good
     
  15. Julianne_julz

    Julianne_julz Bears dont dig on dancin'

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    haha that made me laugh so much!! That damn advert... xx
     
  16. tubbiesgirl

    tubbiesgirl Full Member

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    i love it, my girls say i am good at having a rant by letter, but i am not that good lol
     
  17. vixkat

    vixkat Cambridge Consultant

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    hehe so funny but so to the point!!!
     
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  19. Twinklestar

    Twinklestar Full Member

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    Ha ha this is funny :D
     
  20. Wicca303

    Wicca303 Full Member

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  21. Sticky

    Sticky I will succeed!!!

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    THIS IS SO FUNNY!!!! Thanks lol x
     
  22. princessria

    princessria is a pirate arrrgggghhhh

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    it's so bloody patronising and you know it was thought up by a man no woman with half a brain signed that off as a good idea and knowone...... i mean knowone i know has ever had a happy period , maybe one of relief but never an enjoyable one lol
     
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