Coming back from work today I got in the car and immediately thought “I could go home and have a big feast to celebrate!”
Now, that is an improvement on my former self, as I wouldn’t have even thought about it…just got on and had one if I had been pleased with managing a target.
I thought about it driving home. I could have one. I have no restrictions on my way of eating anyway. I’ve allowed myself to have one since reaching goal before. The question in my mind was should I have one just because I’m pleased with myself? It was nothing to do with whether I needed one, or whether I really wanted one. Just an automatated response. Need to celebrate = eat too much.
Eating my feast is unimportant, but I must question my motives for doing so and think about the consequences.
Now the choice is different. It’s not a case of whether I want a feast or not, but whether I want to reinforce old habits, go back into my old mindset, even for just a morning. I am free to make the choice. I know that I will probably automatically cut back for the rest of the day, so the weight isn’t an issue.
It’s easy to make a good choice now I see what happens. There was nothing about having an eating disorder that I would ever want to reinforce (when I’m in sane mode anyway).
So do I still want my feast? My huge fried lunch. Yep Am I going to distract myself so I don’t succumb? NO!! Definitely not. I going to allow myself to want to eat for the wrong reasons. Doesn’t mean I have to actually have it….just acknowledge the desire.. I can face the demons without giving into them and in doing so it will make me stronger and reinforce my confidence that there is nothing to fear.
I can sympathise with it, but I don’t have to act on its words.
Was going to put this into the maintenance section, but thought that it might help anyone who fights with their demons.
Now, that is an improvement on my former self, as I wouldn’t have even thought about it…just got on and had one if I had been pleased with managing a target.
I thought about it driving home. I could have one. I have no restrictions on my way of eating anyway. I’ve allowed myself to have one since reaching goal before. The question in my mind was should I have one just because I’m pleased with myself? It was nothing to do with whether I needed one, or whether I really wanted one. Just an automatated response. Need to celebrate = eat too much.
Eating my feast is unimportant, but I must question my motives for doing so and think about the consequences.
Now the choice is different. It’s not a case of whether I want a feast or not, but whether I want to reinforce old habits, go back into my old mindset, even for just a morning. I am free to make the choice. I know that I will probably automatically cut back for the rest of the day, so the weight isn’t an issue.
It’s easy to make a good choice now I see what happens. There was nothing about having an eating disorder that I would ever want to reinforce (when I’m in sane mode anyway).
So do I still want my feast? My huge fried lunch. Yep Am I going to distract myself so I don’t succumb? NO!! Definitely not. I going to allow myself to want to eat for the wrong reasons. Doesn’t mean I have to actually have it….just acknowledge the desire.. I can face the demons without giving into them and in doing so it will make me stronger and reinforce my confidence that there is nothing to fear.
I can sympathise with it, but I don’t have to act on its words.
Was going to put this into the maintenance section, but thought that it might help anyone who fights with their demons.