MEN!!!!!

Discussion in 'General Weight Loss Discussion' started by dextermummy, 18 July 2010 Social URL.

  1. dextermummy

    dextermummy Silver Member

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    When you ask your hubby what his least favourite part of your body is the last thing you expect is an honest and instant answer. It's called fishing for compliments, not fishing for hurtful criticisms.

    I know, I shouldn't have asked, and I wish I hadn't. Now I feel like poo!!

    Part of me's thinking, sod you then I'll put the lot back on, and the other half thinks, I'll show him, I'll fricking starve myself til there's sod all left.

    I know that's silly and I'm over reacting. But that man can really make me feel crappy like no-one else.

    Apologies for the rant. Thanks for listening!
     
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  3. xrachx

    xrachx Full Member

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    :hug99: they can be insensitive sods at times! tell him he has a small one next time see how he likes it lol x
     
    Last edited: 18 July 2010
  4. Just Peachy

    Just Peachy Slowly But Surely

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    Ugh, that's awful! Your man should be telling you that he loves all of you. That's what my man does and that's why I keep him around lol. Can't have him making me feel bad about myself, I can do that all by myself. I think your man needs to be taught a thing or two about women lol.
     
  5. Happy Holidays

    Happy Holidays Gold Member

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    Men don't think the same way as us. When you asked him a question he gave what he thought was an honest answer he didn't realise you were fishing for compliments.

    Don't let it get you down, you should be glad your OH is honest & doesn't lie to you.
     
  6. LVLLM

    LVLLM Gold Member

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    what did he say?? then ill think of something evil to say back to him ;)
    you have done amazingly well you should be proud of yourself. Bl**dy MEN!!!!!
     
  7. funcurls

    funcurls Never gets tired of SW!

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    I can't believe you've lost nearly 5 stone and he isn't showering you with compliments and adoration!! I don't know your relationship so I'm not about to criticise him too much- I'm sure he's got tons of lovely traits too, but there are quite a few people out there who feel quite threatened by their oh losing large amounts of weight, because all of a sudden they're very attractive to others and that's hard to swallow, especially if they're a bit on the insecure side! Men can be quite selfish beings with an ego that demands that they are the central focus, and because you've been putting yourself first to a certain extent to have lost all that weight, that focus has been taken away from him a bit!! My dh is a great support most of the time, but other times he's a right pain in the a%*e and moans that SW is taking over my life!!X
     
  8. a_man

    a_man New Member

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    It is great you lost weight if that is what you wanted to do but you have to do it for yourself.

    For every comment here saying 'he needs to know more about women' I can only say 'Well, learn something about how men work'.

    If you are going to risk being offended by fishing for compliments then be more direct and positive.
    I am not saying these games aren't fun, but at least give the poor guy a fighting chance.

    Don't ask a negative question about your 'least favourite body part'.
    Ask him what his favourite thing about you is, or 'isn't it great I dropped x dress sizes?'

    Otherwise you risk being offended by an answer that, frankly, you specifically asked for.

    Peace.
     
  9. dextermummy

    dextermummy Silver Member

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    Thank you everyone for your replies. In hubby's defence he is normally really sweet and has been very supportive of my weight loss. I think what threw me more than anything was his choice (my hips) which I've lost 8 inches off and am actually quite proud of. I think if he'd have chosen my tummy, which is still gross, I think I would have reacted better.

    I totally agree a man, I did walk into it. He was just being honest, and if I'm honest with myself I knew the answer would hurt. By the way I did ask him for his favourite bit was first, not that I needed to, he's a boob man!!

    I suppose I just wish he'd realise how insecure I am and try not to make it worse. But I also know that I am fully aware how insecure I am and not put myself in those situations.

    Bless him he is a good bloke.
     
  10. funcurls

    funcurls Never gets tired of SW!

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    Oh well in that case, he may have been a bit insensitive and misread what you really wanted to hear, but he sounds like a good sort really and it does seem like he's very proud of you!! 'A man', it is actually really interesting to hear a man's perspective! I know I'm guilty of asking my dh questions in an indirect way and expecting to hear exactly what I want to hear!! Isn't it funny how we're so different!!X
     
  11. Scanbran

    Scanbran Stupid Member

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    I get asked these sorts of questions all the time, and have learned through some painful amateur aversion therapy to either say nothing, or to choose something so minor and inconsequential that the answer is essentially worthless.

    It's like being asked 'do I look fat in this?'.

    DO NOT answer this sort of question in the affirmative! :eek:
     
  12. Lynn_

    Lynn_ On A Mission!

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    Usually my hubby is pretty good and will comliment me without being prompted. He works away from home all week, and when he gets home he notices that ive lost weight during that week. But am i grateful? no. He will say, you look thinner, you look skinny! and i will think to myself, i weigh nearly 15st i dont look skinny.

    On Saturday it was our wedding anniversary, and we were wandering around town after having been out for lunch. I asked him if i looked ok, he said yeah, you look ok.

    NO!!! that is NOT the response i wanted, I wanted him to say, You look fantastic! You look beautiful! You are the sexiest woman here! NOT yeah you look ok.

    There is obviously no pleasing me haha. Fishing for compliments is a can of worms, dont do it lol.
     
  13. Billie-x

    Billie-x Full Member

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    Bloody men They dont understand us. You have to spell out what you want from them. They dont think oh maybe she wants me to say the oppersite of what im thinking before they speak its like the brains off and its just words lol They are rubbish at reading between the lines. Ive been hinting to mine for about 4 months about a bracelet that i love and its still not happening i think im going to have to atchually go in the shop and say buy me that lol :p Ignore men lol, xx
     
  14. kelz89

    kelz89 Full Member

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    i agree with funcurls, he proberly is feeling a bit threatened by your weightloss ( which is amazing btw!! ) so dont let it get you down! :)
     
  15. breadbin

    breadbin Full Member

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    stop with the men bashing!! he's in a no win situation if you ask me:( can't do right for doing wrong as a friend used to say. you put him in an awkward position and i think he was right to be honest. maybe next time ask him his favourite part is not his least favourite!! to be honest you brought this on yourself:) agree with what a_man says

    wouldn't say he is threatened by the weight loss, if he loves you surely he wants you to be healthy??

    billie-x - thats crazy thinking really. don't think its a gender thing at all - a relationship with the opposite sex is just like any other. its up to the two of ye to communicate well to get the most out of it. women aren't the be all and end all of communication either - its not always the men that fail in that department in fact its 50/50 in a relationship!!
     
  16. Theria

    Theria Silver Member

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    ...
     
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  17. AimeeLu

    AimeeLu Battling On!

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    Aw don't worry about it!
    We all know that you can NEVER win with men, if they say the right thing we always wonder if they're lying and if they say the wrong thing then we get hurt... there's no way of winning!

    Best just not to ask! Haha.

    But yeah, don't worry! Your a very pretty girl and I think you've done a brilliant job so far, you should be SO proud of yourself!
    WELL DONE! :)

    xx
     
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  19. SammyE

    SammyE Silver Member

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    Maybe he picked part of you that your less self confident about so you wouldnt feel bad? He probably knows you dont like how your tummy looks so maybe it was his way of saying "I dont notice your tummy or other bits you hate"

    I think that type of question is a lose lose question, if he had of said there wasnt anything, you would have probably pushed for an answer, when truth is that no one wants to really hear that the person they love dislikes anything about them.

    Maybe rather thoughtless but Im sure he didnt mean to upset you
     
  20. Fat-Boy-Slimmin

    Fat-Boy-Slimmin On a mission

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    Damned if you do, damned if you don't. :(
     
  21. AimeeLu

    AimeeLu Battling On!

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    Exactly! :(
     
  22. ilovelife

    ilovelife Wishing and hoping!

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    that sounds about right lol

     
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