Muffin top / bingo wings / back boobs no more!

So, the worlds worst bed and breakfast.....

I went away for one night with elf and hubby. We meet three friends who were over from Australia.
I booked following recommendations from a well known review site.the site has never let me down before but boy it did this time.

So we arrived and there is actually a scrap yard next door, owned by the same people.I have to trail across the site to find someone. I finally find a person who doesn't introduce himself, instead just walks me silently to my tomb, I mean room.

At the risk of having another palpitations episode its suffice to say I have never every stayed anywhere as dirty or as bad.it was disgusting. The worst bit was the owners were hippies who refused to put locks on the doors. So hubby slept against the door.

For some random reason there were massive group of orthadox Hassidic Jews staying. Who seemed to make more noise at night than is possible. Buy they spoke no English so out was pointless asking to keep the noise down.also they seemed lovely just nocturnal. I didn't expect to see non English speaking Hassidic Jews in the middle of Northumberland so it was unique.

Anyway the hippies also couldn't cook breakfast either. It was one sausage, an egg and a raw salad tomatoe. I mean, really.

Oh also our room had no windows.

I ate two baguettes in one day due to the stress.

Then I nearly had a e fight with a woman over Ebay who sent me a dress that was second hand that she claimed was brand new. I don't think me threatening to send a curse down her phone helped but it made me feel better
 
Ps. I absolutely hate

Hate
Hate
Hate

People who drink cups of tea and leave a tea spoon in it while they drink. So they then poke there cheek repeatedly and then have to hold the spoon with their thumb so there is FAR FAR to much fist action infront of their face when they should be enjoying their tea.

And don't get me started on people who have a cup a soup and a big spoon.

Big spoon in eye!
 
I just ate the Tim tams gifted from my ozzie friends.

I would emigrate for those things
 
Ps decided once back at work am going back to fat club but following green red days .

I need mite syns and healthy extras
 
Self appointed worlds best mother in law announced today she was going to by elf some shoes for her first birthday. What a lovely lovely gift. Not.

She also pointed out her home cooked chops are far better than anything I have ever made in entire life.

I honestly can't cope with her.
Have I ever told you she once got me a padlock for Christmas?
 
I love your mother in law! Mine once got me a tea towel, at least you could make use of a padlock..........attach her to her own kitchen table, or similar with it!
 
Cai God knows why. It was in a box full of nick nacks that were rubbish.
The worst thing was hubby got aftershave and he said to me "oh a, padlock its always useful"

She is so tight this year she got him one pair of pjs for xmas. I laughed my head off but got annoyed as we spent decent money on her.

I had a nap today! How amazingly decedent.

Back to my mother in law, hubby springs to her defence instantly. I admire his loyalty but she its so.manipulative I call her a smother not a mother.

Ps she really is tight. At Elfs christening she didn't even get her a present, she said plenty of other people would
 
I have a truly truly evil period. It kills. To make it worse I had to have a return to work fitness test today and all the winning around brought on some you're of bloody haemarrage almost and I leaked everywhere.
Not done that since I was a kid.

I had a large pizza for tea to make up for it .

Elf was at my parents. The mother in law sulked all day because she didn't have her . Ha. After her comment the other day "have you stopped dieting now? You look like you have?"

There was no way I was taking her.

Ha stick that in your nasty pipe and smoke it
 
After fitness test I could barely walk yesterday. Killed me. Actually worries had broken both my thighs and would need surgery.

I honestly walked like I had splints.

Without too much detail worlds worst period had continues.

Not that I'm dramatic but I may die
 
As the leader of the hopeless diet brigade I want to share with you my lack of will power.

I don't even pretend to choose healthy options.

I eat like I have an over active thyroid and need to compensate by over consuming fat and calories.

Also my worlds shi ttest slimming world consultant keeps sending me blanket texts about returning to group. I have replied a couple of times asking direct questions and she never ever replies. My last question was "my internet is down please could you tell me when your other group is so I can attend?". I get a reply saying "remember you control food , food does not control you".

It annoys me how bad she is. She refuses to answer any questions before group.you have to stay to group. But I'm paying, just answer my question please.

I love blaming other people for my ever increasing obesity.

So today we went shopping for elfs birthday. I wanted to by her a highly inappropriate stand up piano. We agreed over a kfc - I blame the weather - we would buy some premium bonds and little gifts as she is too young to appreciate toys when Christmas is round the corner and she is spilt rotten off my family.

I sulked but agree in hubbys reasoning.

I just don't want him to ever know I agree with him.

The worlds nicest but off her nut neighbour came over today. She wanted me to buy her a dvd off Amazon. It turns out she walked out of the cinema at Les mis because she didn't like seeing peoples tonsils when they sing.

So she is going to watch it on dvd without her glasses on.

I dutifully bought it and she gave me the money in fifty pence pieces.

I love her.
 
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I blame everyone else for my eating too haha if my other half brings home chips or something I say it's all his fault that I ate some or if Crave chocolate I blame it on hormones and being a girl, because well its hard being a girl so we need comfort food, that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it ha
 
I just love food.

I loved weight watchers because I could use points for treats. I just find with elf I don't have time to point.

I'm definitely going to up my exercise, I just feel better when I do.

I'm getting back to my monster walks this week. With that course for work and stuff last week it feel by the wayside.

On a side note have I told you ladies about operation second baby?

Basically hubby not so keen on second child. I would like second baby asap. Ideally try at Christmas. But hubby says no. Today I pointed out repeatedly in toys r us all the kids with siblings playing with each other.

Hubby pointed out all the stressed parents.

I'm now trying to overkill with compliments. Such as "your such an amazing dad you don't ever get stressed , your a natural"

I feel sick being so nice but I don't want to leave prodigal child numero uno too late.

Hubby seeing through compliments and totally does not trust me.
 
Your mother in law sounds a complete nightmare - I'm picturing her looking like Miss Trunchbull from Matilda...
Your consultant sounds naff too - is there another group you could go to instead of hers? x
 
Xena my consultant is nice to talk to but a but of a vacuous sw clone


There are other clubs but I don't want to join incase I have no excuses any more.

I'm back at work in 2 weeks so going to start up then.

mother in law is at a family party this afternoon, I'm going to ignore her as much as possible. She just likes to monopolise elf as much as possible and it annoys me she expects me not to want to hold her at all.

Ok so everything she does anoys, me.

So elf slept from 8pm to 930 today.I feel so so amazingly full of sleep. Lovely feeling.
 
Family party was a disaster

Guess why?

Mother in law.

She doesn't like Elfs nick name and insists on telling everyone. The thing is its a nickname anyway and also why tell everyone you hate it? she iss so rude

So I put my foot down, told her to stop talking rubbish and walked off. She carried on so I have told hubby he has to deal with it and sort it or I will. And I will declare war I'm so hot headed.

Hubby would prefer to ignore it as "that's just her" but no way, I have had enough. She gets away with it every time.

And breathe.
 
Good for you, these old farts need telling sometimes. I had to tell my nan off tonight a bit and then I choked on my steak skewer, karma or something x
 
I'm off to a wedding today. a cousin whose dad is my uncle. Cousins parents are divorced and my Aunty hates our family big time. She has never coped since the divorce, ten years ago, and actually told my brother who was 13 at the time she blamed him!!

So i cannot wait for the family drama.

On a comedy note she looks like a fat head teacher, all flowing skirts and tweed. And short permed hair.

She wears orthoptic shoes and has bunions.

I an super excited about her outfit choice today

She came to my brothers wedding wearing a flowing skirt and a Barbour jacket which she never every took off.

Call me a *****, as its true, but I an hoping for fat cankles, a muffin top, and some serious back fat and a orange jaw mark attempt at foundation.

:)
 
Ps I am starting my own fat group at home with a couple of fat friends.

We are weighing each other at an attempt to save money but also one of my thin friends is coming to bully us into loss.

Seriously.

She its going to weigh us in get skinny jeans and humiliate us.
 
Ooh that sounds good! I started one at work but on day 2 we all went to maccy d's for lunch. This skinny friend best be strict! Good luck with it and keep us posted!x
 
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