My mother died on Sunday night and I'm struggling

Discussion in 'Lighter Life Forum' started by karmawitch, 16 December 2008 Social URL.

  1. karmawitch

    karmawitch Full Member

    Posts:
    395
    Likes Received:
    8
    Start Weight:
    16st1lb
    Current Weight:
    16st1lb
    Goal Weight:
    10st0lb
    Lost(%):
    0st0lb(0%)
    Diet:
    Exante
    I'm struggling with so many emotions, I haven't seen or spoken to her in 15yrs and she was a lot of the reasons behind my weight.

    I don't know how I feel, I don't know how I'm supposed to feel - it's all very strange and numbing.

    Sorry for venting on here, I just need to get it out
     
  2. Avatar

    MiniMins.com Matched Content

  3. Blonde Logic

    Blonde Logic Yes. You can.

    Posts:
    9,908
    Likes Received:
    344
    Start Weight:
    258lb
    Current Weight:
    228lb
    Goal Weight:
    168lb
    Lost(%):
    30lb(11.63%)
    Diet:
    cambridge
    Oh my god H....I am SO sorry - - :( :( :(

    I just can't find the words right now. Its horrible, so horrible to lose a parent - but if you have been estranged, that must just leave you with so many mixed emotions, and I just can't imagine what it would be like. So I jut don;t know what to say other then to tell you haw sorry I am, and that we are all here for you.

    Don't apologise for venting - use us. Thats what we are here for.

    :( Sending you big hugs and boxes of tissue and love.

    Bless you. I'm so sad for you right now and wish my shoulders were nearer.

    :(
     
  4. karmawitch

    karmawitch Full Member

    Posts:
    395
    Likes Received:
    8
    Start Weight:
    16st1lb
    Current Weight:
    16st1lb
    Goal Weight:
    10st0lb
    Lost(%):
    0st0lb(0%)
    Diet:
    Exante
    I so wish you were nearer too BL, the emotions are crazy, from saddness to anger to liberation that I am finally free from her - does that make sense?
     
  5. Blonde Logic

    Blonde Logic Yes. You can.

    Posts:
    9,908
    Likes Received:
    344
    Start Weight:
    258lb
    Current Weight:
    228lb
    Goal Weight:
    168lb
    Lost(%):
    30lb(11.63%)
    Diet:
    cambridge
    Oh yes honey - all those emotions sound just what one would expect. I have a dear froen back home who too has not seen her mum for 20-25 years...and I know it will be a big mixed bag of emos for her too when the time comes. I think you are probably justified to feel all those things, and there will no doubt me more.

    At the end of the day - she was your mum. And if she was behind some emotional problems, of course anger would rise again. And I an understand how it would feel liberating which I would guess might make you feel guilty for feeling that way. I hope it doesn't.

    I dont' know your story - but a 15 year gap indicates there were some real problems. So that wyould to me seem to explain the feeling of liberation.

    Death is just so hard, and surreal, and none of it seems to make sense in the early days.

    Just be kind to yourself - and let the feelings out. Whatever they are - whether they seem "appropriate" or not (at the end of the day, its your heart and soul that hurts - so YOUR reactions whatever they are, ARE appropriate). You just need to do whatever you need to do to get yourself through this, and it willtake time.

    But please don;t bottle things up. I did that when my dad died, it just hurt so much I could not talk about it - weeks became months, then years, and I got reallllllllllllllly feccked up mentally for not grieving - so - let them out. If it helps to do it here then do it by all means.

    And PM me if you need anything.

    You're not alone. Just remember that.

    XXXXXXXX
     
  6. Preeti77

    Preeti77 Full Member

    Posts:
    406
    Likes Received:
    6
    Start Weight:
    21st0lb
    Current Weight:
    17st7lb
    Goal Weight:
    10st0lb
    Lost(%):
    3st7lb(16.67%)
    Diet:
    Lighter Life Total
    Hi Karamawitch
    Big hugs coming your way :(
     
  7. karmawitch

    karmawitch Full Member

    Posts:
    395
    Likes Received:
    8
    Start Weight:
    16st1lb
    Current Weight:
    16st1lb
    Goal Weight:
    10st0lb
    Lost(%):
    0st0lb(0%)
    Diet:
    Exante
    I did exactly the same with my dad BL, I think I've done all the grieving for my mother over the past 15yrs
     
  8. Tange

    Tange Silver Member

    Posts:
    1,332
    Likes Received:
    39
    Start Weight:
    16st2lb
    Current Weight:
    16st2lb
    Goal Weight:
    11st0lb
    Lost(%):
    0st0lb(0%)
    Diet:
    CD
    Hugs to you. I am so sorry for your loss.
     
  9. IreneH

    IreneH Gold Member

    Posts:
    32,826
    Likes Received:
    1,137
    Diet:
    WW
    I am really sorry to hear your news and how you are feeling.

    It doesn't matter how long it is since you were in touch this is going to upset you terribly

    Please talk to us as much as you can it is better out than in. Any there other family members you can talk to?

    You will be in a state of shock where everything doesn't feel real. If you feel like crying then cry. And look after yourself. Try and cope with a minute, an hour at atime and eventually a day at a time

    Perhaps a visit to the doctors as counselling may help you. It has definately helped me
    Big hugs
    Irene x
     
  10. karmawitch

    karmawitch Full Member

    Posts:
    395
    Likes Received:
    8
    Start Weight:
    16st1lb
    Current Weight:
    16st1lb
    Goal Weight:
    10st0lb
    Lost(%):
    0st0lb(0%)
    Diet:
    Exante
    Thank you everyone for your wonderful words of wisdom and advice. The biggest decision I have to make now is whether or not to go to the funeral.

    I have been estranged from all my mother's family, and I know that if I go or don't go - I'll be damned if I do, and damned if I don't
     
  11. IreneH

    IreneH Gold Member

    Posts:
    32,826
    Likes Received:
    1,137
    Diet:
    WW
    Only you can decide on what to do. You will still have time to decide perhaps not today. How will you feel in a year's time? Will you wish you had gone? Do you need closure?
    Irene x
     
  12. emzski

    emzski Full Member

    Posts:
    499
    Likes Received:
    33
    Start Weight:
    13st12lb
    Current Weight:
    11st8lb
    Goal Weight:
    9st7lb
    Lost(%):
    2st4lb(16.49%)
    Diet:
    Lighter Life
    I was so sorry to read this. I really feel for you and cant imagine how difficult it is. I imagine your emotions are all over the place, which is natural.

    I just wanted to send some hugs your way.
    x
     
  13. vintella

    vintella Full Member

    Posts:
    270
    Likes Received:
    36
    Start Weight:
    19st5lb
    Current Weight:
    12st10lb
    Goal Weight:
    13st0lb
    Lost(%):
    6st9lb(34.32%)
    Diet:
    lighter life
    sorry to hear of your loss
    sending lots of hugs
    ella
    x
     
  14. Guy

    Guy Likes to lurk

    Posts:
    306
    Likes Received:
    24
    I'm sorry to hear about your mum but I really relate to this issue. I haven't seen my mum for over 15 years either. I've asked myself the above question several times. I don't think anyone can advise you on this one. It's got to be your decision.

    :)
     
  15. bekimo

    bekimo Fighting Demons....

    Posts:
    1,309
    Likes Received:
    41
    Diet:
    Cambridge
    I'm sorry for your loss. Of course it is going to be hard for you. Big hugs coming to you.

    Regarding the funeral, would you regret going? Or would you regret not going?

    B x
     
  16. annaphylactic

    annaphylactic Guess who's back...?

    Posts:
    1,395
    Likes Received:
    84
    Start Weight:
    16st10lb
    Current Weight:
    13st7.5lb
    Goal Weight:
    10st7lb
    Lost(%):
    3st2.5lb(19.02%)
    Diet:
    Slimming World
    Oh Karma, I am so sorry to hear your news.
    I have a little inkling of an understanding of how you feel - but it is only slight. I was never close to my dad, they divorced when I was 5. I'd see him on and off, but we never really 'bonded'. He was always very critical of my size, lack of sportiness etc etc, and contributed (I think) to alot of my issues about myself and my weight. On Boxing Day last year he died, out of the blue and I felt so cheated. Of course, I had seen him much more regularly than you had, but I still felt I never got the chance to rid all the issues between us. I felt so angry that he left me carrying all the angst and emotion that had been swelling up over the last twenty plus years - and there was no one there to help resolve any of it.

    I had the whole 'do I go to the ashes' thing - they scattered half of him down in Cornwall, which is a good five hours drive from me. I'd never been to his (and his family's) house down there, and in the end I decided not to go. I knew it was going to be hell either way (my step mum hates me, always has - and has been a driving force in my dad and I rarely seeing each other) with my s/m judging my choice... but this is about you - don't think about what other's will say if you do choose to go to your mum's funeral - be selfish - it is nobody's business but your own.

    Feeling anger, relief, guilt etc is all perfectly normal, so don't beat yourself up. Scream at her, cry, shout etc... imagine she were there and tell her everything you wished you had when she was here. It's an emotional exercise, but you've got to do what makes you feel better.

    We only did the 'local' half of my dad's ashes a few weeks ago - I stood by where we'd scattered him and asked if he was proud of my new figure...did it really change me that much??! Why did life have to be about all the negatives - he really did mess up the chance of getting to know someone pretty ace by being fixated on that. His loss - and your mum's - not our's.

    I hope this helped some. Here if you need to vent - PM me.

    A xx
     
    charliegirl and IreneH like this.
  17. slendablenda

    slendablenda Gold Member

    Posts:
    3,881
    Likes Received:
    150
    Diet:
    lighterlife
    Sorry to hear how you are feeling

    A lot of complicated emotions for you Karma.
    None of us knows how you feel inside.
    You must do what your instinct tells you.
    Don't worry at all about what other people think.

    :hug99::hug99:
     
  18. Avatar

    MiniMins.com Advert

  19. Pammiedoll

    Pammiedoll Full Member

    Posts:
    151
    Likes Received:
    6
    So sorry to hear your sad news.
     
  20. SweetySuperstar

    SweetySuperstar Full Member

    Posts:
    280
    Likes Received:
    9
    Goal Weight:
    10st7lb
    Diet:
    LighterLife
    KW, I am so sorry to read of your sad news. I've never been in the situation so can't offer you any advice but just wanted to send some hugs your way... xxx
     
  21. Isis

    Isis Ancient Egypt Nut!

    Posts:
    12,598
    Likes Received:
    351
    Current Weight:
    18st3lb
    Goal Weight:
    11st0lb
    Diet:
    Slimming World
    So sorry to read this. Only you can make a decision that's best for you and we are here to support you in whatever way we can.

    Best Wishes,

    Lacey..xx :hug99:
     
  22. tara66

    tara66 Silver Member

    Posts:
    1,399
    Likes Received:
    92
    Diet:
    Lipotrim TFR
Popular Forums
  1. MiniMins.com is a weight loss support community helping each other on their weight loss journey. We have a multitude of forums, from Slimming World and Exante, to Success Stories. Click the logo at the top right to return to the forum home page at any time.
Loading...