My Wagon has Ran Off!!!!!

[SoonBeSlim... It'sTrue!]

HELP :sign0009:

It seems my will of iron has left me high and dry and eating all the pies.

Over the last week I have started with a mini taste of smoked salmon and tonight moved onto a full blown barbecue meal at friends birthday. My Tummy feels bloated and all I can do is look at with regret my ticker which is only a stone to goal (or at least it was, have to prepare for big weight gain on saturday!!!!!).

Why in my last week of foundation have I been so destructive? I hardly even feel cross or depressed about it and have somehow convinced myself I have made an adult choice to eat sometimes over this week.

I know I felt ready to start management and wish I had done that rather than ruin a weeks work. I so agree with the view get to goal, then do management, but surely this on/off binge is worse?

Today I phoned my LLC and came clean about my escalation of eating. She was lovely, not judgemental and said I could take the management books this saturday if I liked. She told me to try and keep on the straight and narrow for the rest of the week, and I felt better having drawn a line under my silly behaviour.

Tonight was a friends barbecue and I went armed with water and the three packs I had left for the day. They did not make it out my bag and so I ate Atkins style, but never really had the full tummy signal I expected. I know had I been on my own I would of finished off the cook meat left over and I really noticed everybody else had stopped eating even though I was still munching.

Have I learnt nothing and should I keep my fat clothes?

I hate failing at anything, but this is important to me. Why has my attitude failed me and just left overnight without warning. :break_diet:

Is anybody out there to help me stop being stupid?

What's worse is that I am sitting here thinking my husband should be asleep now and I could grab some toast. I know I am not hungry due to the uncomfortable feeling I have.

I'm not getting into secret eating and I do not recognise myself.

Any advice, flogging or clean slates happily recieved

Sam :devilangel:

 

[katie_oxo]

Sam please don't beat yourself up over this - today is only Tuesday and if you stick to the diet properly from now till Saturday I'm sure you won't have a gain and that your ticker will move in the right direction. Okay so you've had a blip, that doesn't mean that it's all over for you - today is another day but if you keep putting yourself down over what you've done then it's quite likely that you might just do it again.

Head up and smile - you know you can do this, you've done brilliantly so far and you will so soon be at your goal.

(((hugs)))

Cath

 

[chunkychicken]

I know exactly how you feel. In the last two weeks I have started to slip also. Started with the tiniest piece of cooked chicken, then a prawm, then a hefty slice of mozzerella an on and on. Not reached a whole meal yet - but my behaviour is scaring me. I even chopped off a bit of meat and went and ate it in the bathroom secretly. I was also frightened that I have learnt nothing and have no self control.
The first week of picking I still lost 5.7lb and so this week I continued to pick and pick - but last night I only lost 1.9lb. I think that has stopped me in my tracks. I have owned up to my partner and asked for his help (a BIG deal for me - I NEVER ask for help) and he has agreed to stand with me when I am cooking (my danger time) to support me for this week and help me avoid situations where I may give in to my chatterbox which keeps telling me that so long as it is low-carb I will not come out of ketosis and will be ok.
I did a thought record about how I felt last time I picked and what has come out of it is that although I may be able to cheat the system by picking at low carb foods without coming out of ketosis - I am only cheating myself in the long run. Also, that after my entire adult life being in the grip of a terrible addiction - that I cannot "fix" that completely in just 2 months, no matter how hard I try - it is a process, and slips/blips are an important part of that process. Almost a good thing that I learn to deal with them now - with the protection of Ketosis than sail through with ease and only come across them when I am in the big scary world of eating where I could easily fall at the first hurdle.
So please, please, please, don't spiral out of control with guilt and use your self loathing as a permission slip to sabotage yourself even more. (the toast in the middle of the night really struck a cord with me - you were trying to self medicate with food because you felt so low) Try to see this week as a valuable lesson learned that you can help you in the future.
Go on PROVE to yourself that you can get back on track and reassure yourself that when you are faced with temptation in the future you know exactly how to deal with it.
Good Luck
Laura

 

[LLStu]

I know what you mean! I went to a two day conference last week and although I took packs with me, I think I had already given myself permission to eat food at the conference when I booked it a few weeks ago.

Anyway, I did have food packs for breakfast but ended up eating the conference dinner on the first night and the hot buffet lunch on the second day. The first night was not too bad as it had already been plated up and was a reasonable size for a meal. However, I did load up my plate at the hot buffet the next day in the way I would have done previously. I did leave a little bit but I still ate more than I should have!

Am I disappointed in myself? Yes! But I think it will serve me well when I start management as I have had a glimpse of my bad habits returning and I can rectify this. I went straight back to the packs and am back in ketosis but it did scare me that I had 'lost control' in only one meal!

These things are sent to try us and we just have to learn from them. As Laura says, it is difficult to change a lifetimes habits in two months!

Stick with the programme!
Stuart

 

[SafcGirl31]

I'm beginning to think something funny happens to your mind at the end of foundation!! Maybe we only committ (subconciously) to the 100 days. It was my last foundation meeting last night and I feel a little bit low even though my weight loss has been great and the before and after pictures were surprisingly good too. Another thread mentioned the same thing....
I had 1/2 a scrambled egg this morning, knowing that it was the wrong thing to do. Also when I ate on my holiday a couple of weeks ago, I never got the full feeling I'd hoped but managed to stick to all Atkins food and no alcohol. I still lost 5lbs so maybe I too think I can get away with eating this and that? So you're not alone, maybe you'll feel better once you get your management books (I think they're supposed to be pretty indepth) and you can eat in a structured way so you don't feel guilty about it. Do you have anxiety about losing your LL group? The remainder of my class are all going into developers, a lot of people who had just the 3 stones to lose have stopped coming to class and are going it alone which is a shame.
Good on you for speaking to your LLC. We're all a work in progress!! And undoing years of binge/overeating isn't going to happen in the 100 days. Its going to take time for us to develop new healthier habits when it comes to eating and for them to stick but at least the packs are there for us if we need them from time to time. On saying that, I would still throw the fat clothes away, in fact do it SOON it'll reaffirm the fact that you're not going to need them ever again.
Stay strong, you're nearly at your goal.

 

[SoonBeSlim... It'sTrue!]

Thank you all so much for the common sense and support.

Sadly the toast did wrestle me to the ground last night, but Today was another day and at the time of 7.37pm I am enjoying my last pack.

I am really tired and so will have an early night soon.

I must say despite not really having the Full Tum Warning last night, From the moment I woke up today I have felt sluggish, fat and bloated. The full Tum is still with me now as well as feeling uncomfortable in my clothes. For the first time in months I needed to get my bra off when I came in from work too. I also felt hungry mid afternoon despite feeling uncomfortable and bloated. I realised had I not been on LL I would of resolved that by eating!!!!

I know you are right a lifetime of poor food choices and habits are not going to dissapear, I think I just expected when I had done so well this would not happen to me.

As you have all said in one way or another I will use the experience to remind myself I am not out of the woods, and give me some kind of yardstick of what my body feels like when I have gone over the top. It feels horrible. I hope it has subsided by Thursday.

Thanks Folks, How are you all getting on yourselves? Binges over and fully back on track?

Sam xx :thankyou:

 

[SafcGirl31]

Glad you've had a good day and are back on track. Been really bad myself today for the first time since I started apart from a holiday week when I allowed myself to eat low/no carb.
Today I started with the scrambled egg for breakfast, LL bar for lunch, corned beef savoury for a snack, then a full fryup for tea (low carb) washed down with tequilla and diet redbull!!!!!!!!!! Just realised I have a long way to go, I'm half way to goal at 13 weeks in and just really wanted to eat some food, normally there wouldn't be any around as I live alone but this week I've looking after my niece and nephew in their house so food is all around!! I've kept to Atkins in the hope that I get away with it but really I have to get my act together and get my head back in the game for the next few weeks (at least until 29th July when I go to Vegas for a weeks holiday) Didn't really enjoy the food, feel overfull (and my bra came off at 5pm!) but did enjoy the tequilla and red bull! (then again a years worth of tequilla margaritas did contribute to the last years weight gain so I'll have to watch that one too!!!!) Anyway plan to knuckle down tomorrow and get with the programme, weigh in is on Monday (new developers group, maybe I'm nervous!) so I'll see what the damage is then! Take Care x

 

[SoonBeSlim... It'sTrue!]

Am sending some positive vibes your way :vibes:

I must admit yesterday was not easy trying to be focussed but the early night helped.

Today felt more in control, but looked at the food shop as a lingering moment too long my hubby did last night, and then made myself walk on. However the naughty crooked thought told me I may as well eat a bit of protein as been rubbish this week anyway.

Today is day 100 so whatever way I look at it, I've achieved something.

How long are you staying in the house with food? Maybe it is the fear of the new group as well as the temptation of food in the unsual environment. Save yourself until Vegas, as then you have someting lovely to look forward to and if eating while there the food will taste so much better knowing it was a calculated and planned choice and not a binge.

That's what I am gutted about most in terms of my silly binge. The food was neither special or for any event. If I was going to give myself permission to eat I could of done it for my birthday coming up and either gone out with my hubby or cooked something special together. I am sure I would of enjoyed the food so much better and got back on track sooner.

Ah well, will see the damage on Saturday. Feel need to come clean with my group too

Let us know how you are getting on

Sam