need a hug

Discussion in 'Slimming World' started by ronniejacobs, 25 August 2009 Social URL.

  1. ronniejacobs

    ronniejacobs Gold Member

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    am really upset at the moment, came home feeling really down and walked in the front door, oh sittin on couch playing xbox. i walked in front of him and he got in a huff as he needed to do the level again.....

    we had dinner, which he critisised then i said that i was really unhappy and wanted to talk at which he basically ignored me and put on the bloomin xbox again.

    i have been with him for 12 years but this last couple of months its felt really awkward at times. he works from home so by the time i get in he is relaxing and playing his games. i get in from a hard days work cook tea etc and then sit down and watch some telly or do something gamey with him. no probs, feeling a bit unappreciated and told him so but he does not listen

    dont get me wrong i love him but i dont know what to do i feel like telling him if he does not listen to me he can get out!!!! am i just being emotional. just sitting here crying and he is basically ignoring the fact.......

    thanks for reading
     
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  3. jessabelle

    jessabelle needs more willpower!

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    big hugs! I think men in general can just be idiots. I'm sure he does care really... i just know they are a bit pants at showing their real feelings. I know how you feel about feeling unappreciated though. I hope you feel a bit better soon. And again, big hugs xx
     
  4. ronniejacobs

    ronniejacobs Gold Member

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    thanks chick
     
  5. nikdag

    nikdag Nicola Lathbury

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    Awww sending you a big hug! Sometimes, men just don't have a clue. Try explaining how it makes you feel and sometimes you'd just like half an hour to have a cuppa together and a catch up with no XBox x

    Good luck x
     
  6. ilovelife

    ilovelife Wishing and hoping!

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    hugs when you feel more calmer you should talk - relationships are about comprimising and caring for 1 another
     
  7. loislaine

    loislaine Full Member

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    hi there, i know how you feel,big hug 4 you. my other half been out of work since november, i live at work and he stays most of the time,recently i worked on my days off and longer hours i work with animals and he gets real slob days,i bin up at 5 and fin at 6 and he bin in all day and dun nothing !! sometimes i dont even get a drink wen come in then i hav to cook tea and tonite i weighed in after work then came back did the guide dogs and paper work so was late wen fin and then he moaned cus i wanted him to fetch me a chinese and fell out with me !! menn !!!!! xx
     
  8. BikerAngel

    BikerAngel Silver Member

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    awe I'm sure you will get it sorted if you just sit him down and explain how you feel. He prob doesn't think or realise as that is men for you. (((((hugs)))))
     
  9. ronniejacobs

    ronniejacobs Gold Member

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    thanks guys but still feeling pants he does not listen or want to listen want to beat him round the head sometimes lol
     
  10. Scarlet Daisy

    Scarlet Daisy Hungry For Life

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    An alternative strategy to "sitting down and talking", which men can take or leave (and even if he takes it, he can forget it moments later), is to get his attention by NOT being there.

    Seriously, all the time you are begging for attention he knows he has you where he wants you. Do something of your own...Join a badminton club, go to salsa classes, join an evening class, get a friend to go out for a drink. Anything that is fun and takes you out of the house will do but regular things have more impact.

    Once you have something to do that isn't about him, tell him to make/buy his own dinner on that night. Doll yourself up to go out, turn off your mobile (if you dare), come home and don't go into what the evening entailed too much. Don't pretend you've been up to no good (AT ALL), just let him feel curious and interested about you, for a change.

    Going out means there is a chance for him to miss you (he can't miss you if you are sitting right there, crying) and to find out what you do for him (by you not doing it). By not coming home and telling all, you get back some mystery. And by getting away, having fun and being yourself, you'll get back some confidence.

    Whining and nagging aren't attractive. People want what they can't have, or feel they might lose.
     
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  11. Daisybank

    Daisybank Hmmmmmm!

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    :hug99:
     
  12. Julianne_julz

    Julianne_julz Bears dont dig on dancin'

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    I wrote a post nearly identical earlier today! Know how you feel *hugs* :( xxx
     
  13. Mrs V

    Mrs V Loves Life!

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    I am sending you virtual hugs right now Hun. I would do as scarlet daisy suggested and get your self an evening just for you. You do need to talk to him though, not tonight as you are too upset and things always get said in the heat of the moment that are regretted afterwards. I did this with my Hubby. Been together for 18 years, married for 4 of them. Be confident enough to speak to him where you know you are not going to end up in tears. He probably doesn't even realise that you are upset. Men don't do hints!!!

    Take care.
    Xxxx
     
  14. judimac

    judimac Mad old Bat with Attitude

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    Don't make his tea! Tell him calmly that you need him to do half the cooking (I bought mine the EE book) and half the housework, make out a rota and if he doesn't then just cook for you! He needs a good slapping! I think most (younger) men need surgically removing from their computer games!
    The night out is good too. If you can doll yourself up then he'll eventually wonder if there's something else involved!
     
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  15. Gemma1986

    Gemma1986 Im just me!

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    Sending you big hugs hun. I tend to cook mainly so i can make it sw friendly then i no whats going in the food then, oils and fats!
     
  16. julie19

    julie19 Silver Member

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    Oh Ronnie I am sending virtual huge hugs from here!!!

    You need to tell him how you feel - my OH has an XBOX and he will sit & play on that while I am running round doing everything too - I made him listen by being very cruel - I hid the controller & told him that until we had talked and he had paid some attention to me then he couldn't have it (childish I know but it did work), anyway we did talk, I felt better, he tries a little harder now but still doesn't do too much but it is better than nothing I suppose, I think every relationship goes through this stage & usually just getting them to listen helps (even if nothing changes drastically)
     
  17. ronniejacobs

    ronniejacobs Gold Member

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    thanks guys i am feeling a bit better today, am gonna write it down and hopefuly after our holiday in oct it will be better, had a few v stressful months at work and i know i have become more emotional and miserable during this time.
     
  18. charlottegrace1

    charlottegrace1 Gold Member

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    Come on hun, big hugs. Us women are great at being the domestic wonder woman most of the time, but every now and then we need men to shift asse and show us they are alive and care. I wouldn't do anything tonight cos your upset and thats never a good time, but when you feel calmer approach him with a rota you have worked out and explain to him why you have had to do it. If he takes it on board, then great, if not, just do your part of it and leave the rest. Make sure you have some me time too, as already posted, go out, join a club, anything but leave him on his own a bit, while you enjoy yourself and don't feel guilty about it either. xx
     
  19. Littleslimmingbee

    Littleslimmingbee Gold Member

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    Know exactly how your feeling atm hun, with football season starting his passion for it is at an all time high.. if hes not watching it on tv, hes watching it on the laptop. checking scores on his fone or constantly, and i mean constantly playing it on the ps3..

    i know exctly how u feel except because im out of work, i sit at home, demorolised offering nothing financially to the relationship. all lonley having done nothing productive most days.. only to be ignored and replaced by that damn ps3, we discuss it and i either get acuse dof nagging or he appogises and then gets back on the ps3...


    :( *hugs*


    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx i hope you two work it out and he appriciated you a bit more! and the next time he critises your dinner, you say.. 'cook it yourself next time!!!' xxxxxx
     
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