Random thoughts and wonderings. Sorry!

[Lovely_Laura]

So I've had all these thoughts running through my head and not really sure where to put them so thought I'd try here if you don't mind.

People keep saying how wonderful I'm going to look once I've lost weight and while this is lovely to hear I just can't picture it! I know alot of people find a photo of themselves at a normal weight and look at it for focus but I don't have anything. I was 20 stone when I was 18 so have never been an adult and healthy. The picture in my head just will not come. I thought of trying to photoshop a photo but don't think that would work. It would just be so nice to have something to look at. Does anyone else have this problem?

A few years ago I was offered a gastric band if I lost 3 stone and stopped bingeing and all that rubbish. I was trying soooo hard to control myself but lost every battle, I was angry at myself, the doctor, (he was a twat though) life, people and pretty much everything. The reasons I guess I turned to food to start with and the crazy stuff that made me hide away for 10 years killing myself slowly and crazy debilitating depression which is okish now. So why is now so different?! I don't get it and that scares me alot. What if I wake up oneday and all my willpower has disappeared? If I could put my finger on what is different I'd feel much more secure. Living in fear is rubbish.:cry:

Just for some amusement some quotes from people that were apparently meant to help:

Doctor- 'The best way to lose weight is don't walk down the crisp aisle' Wow, I never knew it was THAT easy!

Nurse-Talking about my depression....
'I know just how you feel, when I put on half a stone I get depressed.' Does she know nothing?!

I'll stop now, guess I needed to get some thoughts out, sorry. Maybe I need a blog so I can ramble to myself....

 

[SarahFairy1984]

Hi Laura,
I've been struggling with my weight for as long as I can remember so I know how you feel, it's soul destrying when you keep trying yet you just can't do it. I also know what you mean about being terrified that whatever it is is going to stop working when you're doing well, it's like we cant win even if we are doing well! I think the most important thing is to keep telling yourself that there's no magic making you stick to the diet this time, it's not the diet, it's you! It's so important to believe in yourself and once you can see that you're doing so well because you're taking control then it should be easier to stop worrying. My problem is that I'm constantly jumping from one diet to another to find that magic solution but I've recently come to realise that whatever diet you do is going to work as long as you're head is in the right place. I've not lost much weight yet but I'm feeling much better in my head about what I have to do which is a start.

As for needing an image to motivate yourself, personally I find it easier not having a photo to look at to inspire me as it just makes me think about how far I have to go which is a sure way to make me give up and binge. I've recently found that the best way is not to think at all about losing weight but just concentrate on being in control of what you eat as that's something you can fix now. Take it one day at a time, do not allow yourself to think about whether you're going to have a situation next week or whenever that you are going to find difficult with your diet, just concentrate on getting through today and sticking to the diet as best as you can, otherwise it just gets too overwhelming.

Sarah xx

 

[nicolaann]

hun i can totally relate, even when i was a teenager i was a size 14 /16 thought i was as big as a house so self fulfilling prophecy i did become as big as a house.. had a baby at 18 and kept balooning im now 26 and just cant imagine me ieng slim.. all of the life i remember i was fat although the reality it was just puppy fat and if i hadnt ate for comfort over it i probably would have slimmed down on my own with age, instead i added to the problem. and now 4 kids later i want to loose the weight but after 4 kids my stomach and boobs are so far sounth i wonder wy they havent hit the floor yet! so i know no matter how much weight i loose i will never be happy without surgery to fix this.. which i could never afford or would want to wth 4 kids under 8.. what im saying is theres a whole host of reasons for us to not even bother but take one day at a time and deal with problems when we get to them and unleash the thin healthy girl inside.. each day find a different motivation challengs your self to not eat that thing your craving r walk the stairs instead of the lift.. then each night you can go to bed and chalk of one more day that you did it... time and pounds ill fly before you know it xxx

nic x