RUDE joke of the day :-)

[onlyme!]

An escaped convict broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom. As soon as he had a chance, the husband turned to his wife, bound-up on the bed in a skimpy nightgown, and whispered, "This guy hasn’t seen a woman in years. Just cooperate with anything he wants. If he wants to have sex with you, just go along with it and pretend you like it. Our lives depend on it!"

"I’m so relieved you feel that way." the wife hissed, spitting out her gag, "He just told me he thinks you have a nice, tight arse!"

 

[emmapetty]

lol @ onlyme!

Here's one from me:
3 blondes in a lift, suddenly the lift comes to a halt and the lights go out. First they try and call for help by using their mobile phones… but no luck. The phone's have no signal. After a couple of hours being stuck with no sign of help, 1 blond says to the others 'I think the best way to call for help is by shouting together.'
The others agree, and they take a deep breath and begin to shout 'Together, together, together.'

 

[emmapetty]

Also:

So.... here's the situation, you're touring the Mexican country side in your car.

You see a service station and need petrol, so why not stop and fill up....

When all of a sudden this comes walking out of the garage !!!!!

You suddenly think WTF !!!!!!!!!

Then the beast turns to look at you...................

Nice Doggy J

 

[emmapetty]

You've set me off now Onlyme! Here's another one I got sent - hilarious!

Do you feel like working today ?

Tomorrow maybe ?

Ehh the day after..??

What about next week ??

Next Month ???

Me Neither....!! I Feel like partying!! ....

Do you ever get this feeling at work ???

If so then send this on!​

and​

Don't forget
to thank your
workmates for all
their help & support
with a pat on the back
to help you through
the working week!!!
I
v

 

[lottie***]

these are vvv funny!!

 

[onlyme!]

well tomorrow we are all happy because it is Friday today we needed a smile...because we are all fantastic and doing an stupidly hard diet (which I love) so all giggle away because if you laugh 100 times a day that is the same as 10 mins execise but feels better

 

[lottie***]

lol!! thats even funnier! 10 mins! i love laughing!its the best remedy for anything, we should post jokes more regularly! good idea, even though im so forgetful i would ever remember any that i've been told, i could just read and laugh and burn calories !!!

 

[emmapetty]

lol @ lottie

 

[lottie***]

emma how do you get you picture on your profile? sorry to change the subject! just everytime i think i have done it, it isnt showing. Do i no have enough posts ect to be able to do it? xx

 

[emmapetty]

Have you clicked on avatar? If you have and you load up pic and it doesn't show, it's quite possible that you haven't posted enough (I *think* it's 50 posts)

What a lot of people tend to do is play the games - *Word Association* and *Last Letter* - I'll bump them up for you lovely so you can get busy posting!

Hugs x x x

 

[lottie***]

ok thanks hun, i may have done it we will see once i have posted this! i didnt realise it was avatar, i was trying to do it another way! silly me! and if my picture does work then dont laugh!- my hair colour doesnt really make me this silly! lol! xx

 

[lottie***]

yay! i did it!

 

[emmapetty]

Yay - well done hun.

I love your hair colour, you're a very pretty lady

Hugs x x x

 

[lottie***]

aww thanks so are you though!! we can all be pretty slim ladies together!

 

[emmapetty]

lol - indeed we can. I need to update my pics really. Just not had time tbh. Hopefully get round to doing it soon - It'll be good for me to see the changes.

Hugs x x x

 

[lottie***]

pictures are most definatley motivating! i have my before pictures stuck on my fridge!! when im hungry i open the fridge and just stand there looking at all the food my bf has in there like some sort of mentalist! thats when i wuld be likely to fall so the pictures stop me from opening the fridge door in the first place!x

 

[Yvonne1989]

Also:

So.... here's the situation, you're touring the Mexican country side in your car.

You see a service station and need petrol, so why not stop and fill up....

When all of a sudden this comes walking out of the garage !!!!!

You suddenly think WTF !!!!!!!!!

Then the beast turns to look at you...................

Nice Doggy J

I reeeeeally dont get this joke, I have read it over and over and am just not getting it?

 

[devilishandsweet]

teeheee xxx I need to get a joke now! xx

 

[haggard_hannah]

I don't get it either! xx

 

[polishrose]

the piccies in those 2 jokes aren't showing up for me