Starting in 2014!

Spanglymum said:
I also like the thought of seeing my consultant tomorrow, knowing I've stuck to it 100%. Like I MUST have lost weight, right?!! And thinking ahead to another week's time, when I may try one or two bars (but will be cautious as I found the sns (a) very triggering and (b) digestively inconvenient!?!).

Hope you have a great day today and I love that you've looked me up on here. Lol @ 'bad penny'!! It's lovely to see familiar faces.
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I'm looking forward to hearing about your WI. And I know EXACTLY what you mean about the sns bars. My counsellor say there's a lemon one, you can have more that one a day? Not that I would, too trigger-like for me, I fear.

Day 2 and I am fine. Slightly headachey and a bit hungry but it will pass. Bloody freezing too, but that's me all the time lol.
 
12 lbs!!!!!! Yippee!!! Woop woop!! (Etc) v happy with that esp as TOTM!
 
Yay! Go you!!!!
 
Thanks, everyone!

At risk of giving TMI. I actually think I should call it TOTF at the moment, as it seems to be every fortnight. I guess I must be heading into early perimenopause or something. Eek.

So, the start of my second week on Cambridge dawns. Got to leave early this morning because the trains have been up the spout. To miss the traffic on the motorways I'll need to leave at 6:30. I was doing this every day for a while last year and it was soul-destroying. My girls are still tucked up in bed and I would go from day to day without seeing them. It's much nicer taking the train, as I can leave at 7am or even 7:15. However, there are problems on the line since the storm, so every day they seem to cancel a handful of trains at random. Yesterday at 5:30am the app said everything was running smoothly, but then by the time I got to the station a couple of hours later (family breakfast, doing my girls' hair, getting sorted for school, chatting with my hubby), loads had been cancelled and it was too late to drive in!!! Grr (shakes fist in angry-villain-on-Scooby-Doo stylee).

I feel confident I can do this. It's weird how being 'properly' (ie not keeping one foot on the bottom of the pool) back on a vlcd throws up all kinds of things. It's also probably because I had six sessions of 1:1 counselling last year. Everything is coming together: how I don't 'do' feelings, how I'm the 'strong' one, how I put too much pressure on myself, how I feel I will never be 'good enough'.

Except I actually am!! And I finally believe I am. After 43 years on the planet I guess it was about time ;-)

I really believe I can look after me. And by that I don't just mean: 'put on a martyrish face and bluster my way grumpily through far too many appointments, shouldering way too much responsibility'. I mean: 'be able to say 'help!' from time to time, and pause and take time to identify my own emotions, and stand up for myself whenever I feel the need (ie not just in selected situations where I feel comfortable being assertive)'.

Still a lonnnnnnnnnng way to go, Cambridge-wise, but at least I feel I am starting out in the right direction. This never really was about the weight, after all!
 
Evening Spangly, hope all is well with you :)

What have you got planned for the weekend?
 
Hiya, Debbi! How are you getting on? Is today day three for you?

Got a lovely weekend with not too much planned (the best kind for me, as my weekday diary is just meetings, meetings, meetings!). Today we're off to Bluewater, which is where we do family shopping as it's flat for the wheelchair and everything is fully accessible. It's a bit of a trek but we all enjoy it. The girls get to go to the dis-e-nee store (as my youngest calls it). Usually to look, not buy, (unless they have saved up pocket money). Today they have some Christmas book tokens to spend at Waterstones :).

I can't wait to be back to a size 10/12. My thing used to be getting an hour to myself while hubby took the girls to the pink glittery shops and I would browse and try on things. (I overspent in the excitement of reaching goal though, so will be more sensible this time!) But as I'm not at goal yet I'm more inclined to potter round the tail end of the home ware sales and see if there are any bargoons!!

So glad I started Cambridge. I don't know what it is about being accountable to a person you physically meet every week, but I suspected that the lack of that was why I struggled on slim and save. This already feels different to me, which is brilliant!

Back to my weekend: tomorrow I'm serving at the 8am service at church. I used to hide my faith as I know it's not popular to admit to being a Christian, but after visiting India a couple of times and seeing how it's taken as a matter of course that one declares ones faith openly, whatever it may be, and I experienced a lot of religious tolerance and respect there among professional people with many different beliefs, I don't actively hide it anymore. (I don't ram it down people's throats either, I hasten to add!!!)

Then I hope to visit my mum tomorrow, for once on my own so we can chat a bit. Usually we all go but I sense my mum is a bit lonely and down at the moment and I want to properly talk with her.

Ahh. I like weekends!
 
Knew the bubble had to burst sometime!!! Aaaaaargh!!! Am so annoyed!!

Walked round Bluewater all day, which was lovely, but now bit pooped. Hubby offered to do Heinz soup but I feel bad if the girls don't have a proper meal once a day and they only had sandwiches for lunch. So set out to prepare a nice, nutritious, tasty supper (won't post details as I think this is in the no food talk section). Sooooooooo triggering. Aaaaaaargh. Just so cross and fed up. Want to wail and stamp my foot and sink face first into a plate of food (annoyingly I am quite a reasonable cook, though my presentation could at best be described as 'rustic' lol). Haven't done, but aaargh!

Really tempted to have a fourth pack. My CWP consultant said you can mix SS and SS+ but it's such early days that I think I'd feel as though I'd failed. Anyway, distanced myself from the food, made a green tea and decided to vent on here.
 
Spangly, stop! You didn't eat!!! Deep breaths. It must be so difficult to cook for the girls and not eat.

Look at what you have achieved so far. How many days have you been 100%? I'm on day 5 already. We can totally do this. I am so glad to be doing the plan. Apart from being cold, I feel really good.

I went shopping today, but didn't buy much. I got PJs for our holidays. I find it cold overnight so got nice fleecy ones. And a s14 bikini. No idea if it fits me lol, but I've got 4 days until hols and 10 days away. Oh and two pairs of slippers. One for here and one to keep at my in laws.

How are you feeling now?
 
Ooh a size 14 bikini! Go you!! I have a bikini which I have worn once. I'd never had one, so when I got to goal I bought a retro fifties-ish scarlet one (ie BIG PANTS!). Wore it once but felt like mutton :-(. Will work on that this time around!

Yesterday was day 10 for me. I didn't cave but oh I was so grumpy! An episode of Sherlock and a green tea cured that though :eek:)
 
Oh yes, definitely big pants! The bottoms fit but the top is very snug. It popped off as I was trying on other clothes, oops lol.

WI tomorrow, woo hoo!

Glad your sounding a bit more upbeat today.
 
Soooooo cooooollllllddddddd. Now in bed w hot water bottle against my (numb, possibly hypothermic) feet. Barely able to type as fingers soooooo coooold. Lol. Wish I wasn't haunted by food thoughts - but I haven't caved.

Yesterday I had my first tetra - the chocolate. OMG! I thought it looked a bit small (I make my shakes up with a lot of water) but it was delicious! Tasted sort of malty. Mmm. Will def be buying more of those!

Not sure the banana or strawberry would be as successful...

Also want to try three of the bars in my next order - will be nice to have some texture!!
 
Hey Spangly.... On my grumpy says (and I've had a few!)... Try and do something nice for yourself - nice bath, massage, watch a movie etc I went and had a massage on the weekend which was a bit hard or maybe I am feeling a tad more sensitive!? I am still hurting 2 days later - was thinking more a relaxation massage. I've Also caught up on a few movies I've wanted to watch. Stick with it... I think our feelings will fluctuate so we just need to get through the grumpy moments as there are sunnier skies ahead :)

Ps: I hear you on the cold - I am sat in my office at work and they have the a/c on - I have a big cardi on and drink hot tea! <middle of summer here>
 
I'm totally with you on the need to be cooking healthy stuff for others and it's hard to know what's going to trigger us and what isn't. For the most part I try to batch cook stuff when I'm feeling strong then it's just ovenable. I also find not serving it helpful.

But yes sometimes I just want to stamp my feet with the unfairness I it all and also tell myself if I wasn't such an idiot I could be joining in! So very well done for not caving - I think these occasions are where the weekly accountability really helps.
 
Doing a small walk of shame today :eek:. Small, because in the grand scheme of things it wasn't so bad, but shameful because I set out to do this 100%.

I was working from home yesterday and eventually the siren song from the peanut butter in the cupboard proved too much. Three teaspoons!!! And then I saw the dry roast nuts and had some of those as well!?! What is it with me and nuts???

Anyway - that's the size of it. It isn't good and it isn't pretty but I've confessed. Was I lonely? Bored maybe? Knackered after another busy weekend? Feeling sorry for myself because of all the lovely food I cooked over the weekend and couldn't eat? Hmmm

Well, it is what it is. I'm not proud, but I'm human, and it could have been worse, right? Straight back on it last night - was tempted to think "sod it!" but know that way madness lies ;) so am pleased to report I've been 100% ever since.
 
Don't think I've done too much damage as am back to being completely freeeeeezing and no appetite and v thirsty. Confessed to my CWP consultant today and she was great. Second weigh in tomorrow. Eek! Trying to remind myself not to be disappointed with a small loss after last week's result. One or two pounds would still be near enough a stone in two weeks after all!

Looking forward to trying a couple of bars. I think they have a peanut one ;-)
 
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