Story thread

[CW Consultant]

what was I do do now..........

 

[Mrs Depp]

"Damn! I forgot about her!" I said.

"Vanessa, I don't want to be with you any more, I love my little cuddly Carol now, you must leave this paradise island and never come back", said Jack.

"Yeeehaaw!" said I with just the merest hint of gloating!

So Vanessa skulked away with her proverbial tail between her skinny mal-nourished legs sobbing pitifully whilst Jack and I got down to investigating the various rooms in our lurve nest.

 

[CW Consultant]

but she hadn't really gone she had a plan she would woo him back with his favourite dance...........

 

[Mrs Depp]

Poor Vanessa tried her skinny best to woo Jack with her robotic moves, alas it didn't work. Jack was completely immune to her so-called charms and turned towards the window pointing at something he had seen outside with one hand whilst keeping his other hand on my..........

 

[CW Consultant]

copy of the sunday papers - the paparazzi were outside - was it true did Capn Jack try to snog Will while he was in costume. Methinks not the press will publish anything but Jack looked worried

 

[Mrs Depp]

He decided we had to escape again, find somewhere even more quiet and so we ran towards the trees to his special hiding place. Jack took out his chopper and began hacking down branches. I knew not where we were going but knew that I would follow him anyway.

Suddenly the clearing was made and before us stood a helicopter, we climbed in and began to soar above the paps and the tv news cameras.

"Where are we going?" I asked, all flushed with pride and desire.

"Somewhere where no-one will find us", he replied, "to..........

 

[CW Consultant]

my own private Island. We jumped in the helicopter, now how do you work this I am only used to nicking ships.

We suddenly took off and flew over several Islands I saw one below me with a huge skull and crossbones painted on the landing strip, with a sign saying Jack's place keep out.

Not sure that will work for secrecy but what the heck, we suddenly started our descent a little faster than we should then to my horror.................

 

[icemoose]

someone farted! I was just disgusted and astonished.

And the helicopter had those little windows that wouldn't open more than an inch so the smell just lingered and lingered.

And the worst thing was that when I asked who did it someone admitted that..........

 

[Mrs Depp]

We were suddenly catapulted into the air in our ejector seats as our parachutes opened up to bring us gliding down towards another island.

I could just make out the shapes of people standing looking up towards us.

"Jack I thought you said we'd be alone again?" I shouted towards him.

"Yeah babe, I did." he replied.

"Well who are those people down there?"

"Ah well, y'see my buttercup, they're the people from the series Lost and I'm renting that part of the island to the tv company for the forseeable future. We'll be on the other side of the island away from them, don't worry my sweet." He winked and smiled in his rakish manner, flashing his gold teeth at me.

As we came to land with a soft bump I was aware of the Lost crew walking towards us, in their hands some of them were holding.............

 

[CW Consultant]

they had eaten 3 bars that day

 

[Mrs Depp]

Hahaha! Where did you get your mini Isobel and that smilie from?!

Carolxxx

 

[Isobel1965]

(long story, Carol - had to delete them cos they were causing havoc lol)
love

 

[icemoose]

Then suddenly Trevor McDonald arrived on the scene and in his posh newsreader voice announced that due to the hot weather recently....

 

[CW Consultant]

water restrictions were in place

Where would we get out supplies the threat of dehydration loomed.........

 

[icemoose]

And then from a distance came Kiera Knightley holding a large bottle of water and some fruit.

Wow I said!! That's a nice pear Kiera, and also her other fruit looked good.

Anyway we went back to her wigwam and....

 

[Mrs Depp]

She took out her knitting needles and started to knit me a pair of socks 'cos my feet were cold, (even though we were on a desert island) while I mixed up a batch of fruit smoothies.

 

[icemoose]

I was clearly turned on by Kiera's knitting (I MEAN COME ON!), so we started to kiss passionately, the smoothie went everywhere as the throws of passion took hold.

It was then the relationship kind of went off track when she saw I had an enormous.....

 

[Mrs Depp]

left nostril. She backed away from me quickly and picked up her knitting again, muttering that she couldn't look "at something as awful as THAT".

Deciding that our love was never meant to be, I left her alone in her wigwam and ventured outside to be greeted by.........

 

[icemoose]

Kiera running behind me grabbing at my coat tails demanding I return to the wigwam and make love to her.

I told her it wouldn't work and that we were so different, she was a super star and I merely had a large nasal passage apparently!!

But it was no use! I went back into the wigwam with her, stripped down to just my leotard and then....

 

[Mrs Depp]

I heard a familiar voice outside the wigwam, singing,
"I know a song that'll get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves............"

"Oh no Joe Pasquale!" I said.

"Oh my god I LOVE that man!" said Keira as she crawled out of the wigwam half dressed.

Putting my leopard skin loincloth back on (which is bladdy difficult when you're 6ft 7ins and inside a wigwam I can tell you!) I reluctantly joined the other losers outside around the campfire and ate my bowl of beans. I thought, well at least I can join in the farting competition!