Story thread

He noticed the sea creature had left a tentacle behind, it had caught on Jacks sword and been severed.
Jack threw it in the pan and brought it to the boil. After a few minutes he heard a noise he turned to see where the noise was coming from .................oh no it was ...........................
 
.........the sound of speedboats and helicopters circling the Pearl. He looked over the side of the deck and noticed that there were dozens of paparazzi waiting to take incriminating photos of him!

"Oh no!" said Jack. "Now everyone will know I've put that tentacle in my boiling water and find out that I'm not really a vegetarian!"

He tried to avoid any more photos by ducking down below the side of the boat but realised it was too late as the helicopters whirred above him. Then he remembered the other chest that hadn't been opened yet. Jack ran over to the chest, opened it and took out the plaster head of Lionel Ritchie wearing a sparkly scarf. He waved it around above his head and something miraculous happened............the paps in the helicopters flew away! So he waved it towards the speedboats and the other paps sped away so fast that they made a huge wave of water which was now flowing towards the Black Pearl....................
 
….what jack hadn’t realized that Lionel Ritchie's head wearing a sparkly scarf was infact cursed, the paparazzi had ran through fear!!! Legion has it that when faced directly at Lionel’s head he would begin to sing ‘Endless Love’ and no one could bare that not even the paparazzi. But with the paps now out of the way, what was he going to do about the huge wage heading towards him???.....
 
Jack thought hard and for a long time it seemed as if he was sinking deeper and deeper into the sea.

Then he clicked his heels together and thought to himself "There's no drink like rum. There's no drink like rum..................."

Nothing happened. Then he remembered the correct words "There's no place like home. There's no place like home................................"
 
He suddenly found himself back on deck then he clicked his heels together and thought to himself "There's no drink like rum. There's no drink like rum" he forgot the magic that was in his heels:D

The boots work okay but his red sparkly shoes have a more dramatic effect................
 
.............suddenly flames start to spurt out of the backs of his heels, shooting out towards the crewmen standing behind Jack. Someone dives for a bucket of water to douse the flames while another crewman pushed Jack to the deck.

The flames are quickly put out and Jack struggles to his feet in shock. No sooner has he stood upright when his feet develop a mind of their own and start to perform an Irish jig not unlike that of Tiny Michael Flateley. Jack tries to stop his feet from dancing all over the deck but the harder he tries the faster his feet fly!

"Someone help me!" shouted Jack, who was becoming exhausted from all the high kicks etc.................................
 
................his feet were truly on fire! Also, Jack didn't like to admit this, but his back was aching from all the high kicks too, he realised he isn't as fit as he likes to believe! :rolleyes:

Someone suddenly rugby tackled Jack to the deck. As soon as he was pinned down the sparkly shoes were removed and thrown overboard into the sea. Jack breathed a huge sigh of relief and looked down at his socks which had holes in the toes.

Jack wondered who had saved him from a life spent dancing? He looked around at his crew and knew that none of them would have the courage to remove the shoes from his stinky feet.

"Who is the brave person that saved my life?" he asked....................
 
(oh no you haven't)

It was the Man from Atlantis he had climbed onto the Pearl hearing all the commotion from the depths below.

Nice socks he said with a friendly grin.

The Man from Atlantis just smiled then, hoping to have lured Jack into a false sense of security made a grab for his rum.

Jack didn't know what to do, the Man from Atlantis must be brave after all he removed his boots............
 
...........and promptly jumped overboard with Jack's bottle of rum tucked safely under his arm!

Jack was shocked and disappointed at the same time, he knew he'd stand no chance at catching up with the Man from Atlantis as he wasn't a strong swimmer (even though he is a pirate!). So he decided to give himself a 'Hamlet moment' and sat down to contemplate his next move.......................
 
Mrs Depp said:
...........and promptly jumped overboard with Jack's bottle of rum tucked safely under his arm!

Jack was shocked and disappointed at the same time, he knew he'd stand no chance at catching up with the Man from Atlantis as he wasn't a strong swimmer (even though he is a pirate!). So he decided to give himself a 'Hamlet moment' and sat down to contemplate his next move.......................
Click to expand...

Which was to propose marriage to GG whom he had been in love with for yonks, anyway back to the story, and his next move after the proposal was to find the bearded.................
 
Lady. He had a voucher for razorblades and shaving foam that he wanted to give to her.:D

Now GG how was he going to deal with this delusional person, propose how could he was married to Mrs. Depp and carrying on behind her back with CDC and Icemoose.:eek:

He had to work out how to get the rum back from the Man from Atlantis but then decided it was not worth the trouble as the sea water would have diluted the rum as there was no cork in the bottle.:rolleyes:

He decided it was time to search the Black Pearl for more supplies as he fell down the steps, bloody socks must repair the holes they keep catching on the jagged bits of wood around the ship.:sigh:

He landed with a thump not the first time I would add he was always falling over. He looked towards his cabin and there was a golden glow coming from under the door. Strange, he thought I remember turning off the light to save energy.

He picked himself up and staggered towards his cabin he could hear cackling from behind the door and there was a strong smell of ………… he recognised the smell but couldn’t remember what it was ……….. it was so intoxicating he didn’t need the rum.

He got to the door and just as he reached for the handle…………….
 
.......there was a flurry of movement. He heard furniture moving.:confused: Jack's hand hovered a few centimetres above the door handle. He looked down and noticed he was shaking but didn't know why.

Then he realised that it wasn't him shaking, it was the Black Pearl! :eek: Suddenly the Pearl seemed to dive quickly down towards the bottom of the sea and simultaneously up again towards what Jack presumed was the sky!

His cabin door blew open and furniture started to slide out. He grabbed the nearest thing that would help him to stay upright......a standard lamp....which was peculiar as they didn't have any electricity!:eek: "So that was the cause of the golden glow underneath my door!" thought Jack.

He clung to the standard lamp with all his strength (it was one of those lovely Linda Barker lamps with lots of glass droplets hanging down). Luckily it was quite heavy and could just about hold his weight.

"I wish I had some rum!" he shouted to no-one in particular........
 
Whilst Jack was pondering the notion of some deadeningly rum, he turned and glanced at the the unsightly goblin, fixated upon the lamp that was arresting the burly mans countenance!

".....the black pearl", the goblin shrieked!
 
Just at that moment, Bobby Ewing stepped out of the shower wearing only a fluffy bath towel.

"What are you doing here?" asked Jack. To say he was suprised to see such a sight would be an understatement - he was totally shocked as everyone knows Dallas hasn't been on tv for years!

"Mornin' Jack" Bobby drawled. "Ahm just waitin' fer Sue Ellen to join me, but don't tell Pamela or JR! We've been gettin' it on fer a while now." he chuckled.

Jack was perplexed.......................
 
Ang on said Jack, Bobby Ewing aren't you the man from Atlantis last I saw you you had nicked me rum.

How can you live in the dessert one minute and be a sea dweller the rest of the time nicking other people's rum
 
"Well Jack, have you ever watched an Australian programme called H20? It's about 3 teenage gals who become mermaids whenever they come into contact with water. Well that's what happens to me. When I want to walk the land I have my legs and when I want to become the Mand from Atlantis I chuck a glass of water over my head and change into a merman! Now where did I hide that rum?"
 
Australia thats at worlds end, wotz a programme, telly hasn't been invented yet you fool:D

With that Bobby Ewing Atantis Man person threw a glass of water over his head :tear_drop::tear_drop:and instantly turned into a merman.:rolleyes:

It had been a long time since Jack had eaten and hadn't had rum for quite a long time the combination of starvation and the DTs had set in. He looked over at the merman but all he could see was a large Cod and Chips with a wally and onions on the side.:eek:

His eyes glazed over and he started drooling, he could smell the fish and chips and he couldn't wait to get his hands on that wally.

The merman looked over at Jack with fear in his eyes the sun was glistening of Jack's gold tooth.

Fear gripped his heart he tried to make it to the side of the ship but his large fishy tail got caught in some of the ropes lying on deck.

He struggled and struggled as Jack got nearer knife and fork in hand.

All of a sudden.................
 
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