SW Target member, but why am I so upset?

[Targetmember2016]

Hello,

Just an overview of my story:

At my heaviest I was 10'13 (2015)no not heavy, but I am 5'2 and it was starting to make me look a bit big. My mom was a SW member and had an honest chat with me about joining, maybe to lose a stone or so.

I got on board and by march 2016 I'd lost my target weight of 2 stone. I was elated and my eating habits were changed for the better!

Today I'm almost another stone lighter (8st 3.5) and I weight from home each Friday and I happily go between 8st 1 and 8st 3. I've noticed a couple of people who have known me for a long time have commented they feel I look too thin now however people I've met since I've lost it have always praised me for my story when it comes up.

The reason I'm posting is this is because I feel like I've lost track of the control and I feel like when I've had a bad weigh in I feel terrible (like today). I eat very low syn food weekdays and then weekends it just goes out the window and I'm petrified my weight will creep up on me. I'm worrying about a holiday in November and Xmas gains.

I constantly aim towards 8st 1lb and I feel crap until I'm back down to that weight. I'm scared it'll spiral if don't get back onto losing the weight.

I appreciate this post may offend some people who are a lot heavier than me, but we're all human and have felt the shame feelings about losing weight, I don't know what's wrong with me, I don't even want to celebrate my loss? I've totally lost that sense of pride...

Just hoping someone could give me something to hold onto and think about

Thank you x

 

[Cavegirl21]

Don't be so hard on yourself. Life is for living. I say that as I was under 8st due to misdiagnose from dr and thought I wouldn't be here today.

Weight isn't everything. I am now a stone over what I was but can still fit into most of my size 10 clothes. If I have to go and buy some size 12 so be it. It's not the end of the world. I aim to keep below 9st 7lbs as that's where I am happy at and doesn't take much effort to do it.

We are too fixed on what the scales read.Throw the scales away and go by how you look and feel in your clothes.

 

[Targetmember2016]

Thank you for your reply. I feel like putting more weight on frightens me I hate the idea of undoing one of the only things I am proud of achieving! I want to get back to SW routine but when then weekend comes it's game over. I know I need to stop giving myself a hard time, I am very hard of myself about everything in life x

 

[AliGal]

Hi Target Member. You certainly don't offend. The mind is an amazing thing. It tries to serve us how it figures it can best serve. So what helped you shed weight is controlling you unhelpfully now. The thing is to figure out a way that you can be peaceful, and be a healthy weight. An internet stranger can't tell you if your weight is too low or not. However I can be frank.

You are being controlled by your mind and get frightened and feel terrible. You feel in control some days and out of control at the weekend. This may mean you have disordered eating. Please call or message BEAT to figure out how you can regain a sense of stability for yr mind and body. https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/support-services/helplines You deserve not to be hard on yourself re eating, weight and whatever else you beat yourself up with. Take care TM and stay in touch.

 

[Alecto_on_LCD]

Hey TM. Your issue really resonates with me and my worries for when i end up reaching maintenance myself. I know from when I lost weight last time and before I put on the weight due to other factors...i was in exactly the same boat as you are now and that's why I know I will be back there soon.
I will try to say something useful from an outsiders perspective...
First, when you say it goes out of the window at the weekends, what does that actually mean? It is one thing to go overboard and eat one entire large pizza on your own and its another thing to have a small pizza on your own and even more different to just have some chips (quite a few syns) alongside some chicken and veg. If the issue is the my first example, can you think of any way in which you can still go "overboard" so to speak but make less damage (my 2 other examples)?
I know how SW does things and I appreciate their system. But that style of managing things which got you to your loss may not be the best one for you any more right now. And i fear maybe you're a bit stuck in the standards they pose and youre beating yourself up for not keeping to those exact standards rather than amending them slightly to fit your own current lifestyle.
What I mean, in other words, is: do you have a relatively healthy eating schedule in any given week (minus weekends)? If so - success, cherish that! Do you have any exercise/more active days (even if it means extra steps through a walk in the park or such) in the week? For instance 3 days minimum when you do do something extra that's active. If you do, that's again something to cherish! If not, maybe try upping that a little bit just to help you with maintenance. It is easy to get wrapped into the rules of diets and numbers on the scale forgetting the overall health benefits of simply healthy eating and moving a bit more!
Lastly you say you have 2 days a week when you go overboard but your week days are fine. Have you considered maybe something like including some fast days in the week? It might work out better for you at this time...like having say 2 of your simplest week days with just 600 or 800calories or not eating until a certain time, all the other days as SW, and let the weekends be for living (while maybe trying to go for the healthier naughty options)?
You need to live also and I wonder if your sticking to the rules worked for a bit and now a part of you just rebells at the weekends saying "screw it, ive reached target, i want to have some fun". Which is fine and important for you to admit that to yourself - your mind and body are screaming for less restriction- but that means you may indeed need a preplanned time in the week to let your hair down...a day or a way you decided upon to be "naughty". Maybe having the fast days and then deciding on 1-2 days where youre not as restrictive to yourself but you have preplanned which those days are based on your weekly schdule and HOW much overboard you want to go (a little bit or just go wild and not think about it at all). Key thing is imo is to have that space to burn the steam but to not do it every day or more than once in a week. otherwise said maybe putting 1 simple plan in place that works for you without it being too restrictive all the time will work better in the long run for you?
Similarly - holiday and Xmas. Im super worried about xmas and i am thinking now, before even reaching goal, how I should deal with it knowing what I know about myself thus far...i personally plan to not have more than 1 day a week when I go a bit overboard to have fun; if theres multiple meals out or with family during a week, i will try choosing some of them to be the healthy meals (ie. My partner's family always does traditional roasts but the meat only and veg on the table are always plentiful and i know i wont need the potatoes or yorkshire puddings; however with my family that sort of choose and picking is less possible hence that is the day when I will be "naughty" and leave my hair down). Maybe having a think before hand about which events you want to be eatimg in one way or the other will be useful?
And, crucially, remember - even if at one event you pre-decided to eat more syns or such - YOU decided it. Because YOU are in control of this. Hence do not beat yourself up next day - even if you do at start maybe its a process you need to be working on yourself to get accustomed to and reduce the volume of that pesky critical voice - but that can only be done with time and you practicing it (not every day though, ey? )
Feel free to ignore all this if its silly what I'm saying (and apologies for the long post:/)

 

[Targetmember2016]

Hi Target Member. You certainly don't offend. The mind is an amazing thing. It tries to serve us how it figures it can best serve. So what helped you shed weight is controlling you unhelpfully now. The thing is to figure out a way that you can be peaceful, and be a healthy weight. An internet stranger can't tell you if your weight is too low or not. However I can be frank.

You are being controlled by your mind and get frightened and feel terrible. You feel in control some days and out of control at the weekend. This may mean you have disordered eating. Please call or message BEAT to figure out how you can regain a sense of stability for yr mind and body. https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/support-services/helplines You deserve not to be hard on yourself re eating, weight and whatever else you beat yourself up with. Take care TM and stay in touch.

Hi AliGal.

Thank you for your honest post. Yes I feel you are correct about what I did to lose weight has now become unhealthy at a maintance weight. I feel maybe I need a new way of looking at my weekly allowances. I tend to follow SW week days and then weekends are just a bust. It's funny you mention E.D., I've recently completed a qualification in Mental Health Awareness and studied E.D as a unit. I did stop to think about my own personal relationship with food however I didn't see a connection, yet I assure you I will take a second to look again once more at this and I will open up to the support network within my family and friends.

I appreciate your outlook and I will take the time to look at the link you provided. Thanks again x

 

[Targetmember2016]

Hey TM. Your issue really resonates with me and my worries for when i end up reaching maintenance myself. I know from when I lost weight last time and before I put on the weight due to other factors...i was in exactly the same boat as you are now and that's why I know I will be back there soon.
I will try to say something useful from an outsiders perspective...
First, when you say it goes out of the window at the weekends, what does that actually mean? It is one thing to go overboard and eat one entire large pizza on your own and its another thing to have a small pizza on your own and even more different to just have some chips (quite a few syns) alongside some chicken and veg. If the issue is the my first example, can you think of any way in which you can still go "overboard" so to speak but make less damage (my 2 other examples)?
I know how SW does things and I appreciate their system. But that style of managing things which got you to your loss may not be the best one for you any more right now. And i fear maybe you're a bit stuck in the standards they pose and youre beating yourself up for not keeping to those exact standards rather than amending them slightly to fit your own current lifestyle.
What I mean, in other words, is: do you have a relatively healthy eating schedule in any given week (minus weekends)? If so - success, cherish that! Do you have any exercise/more active days (even if it means extra steps through a walk in the park or such) in the week? For instance 3 days minimum when you do do something extra that's active. If you do, that's again something to cherish! If not, maybe try upping that a little bit just to help you with maintenance. It is easy to get wrapped into the rules of diets and numbers on the scale forgetting the overall health benefits of simply healthy eating and moving a bit more!
Lastly you say you have 2 days a week when you go overboard but your week days are fine. Have you considered maybe something like including some fast days in the week? It might work out better for you at this time...like having say 2 of your simplest week days with just 600 or 800calories or not eating until a certain time, all the other days as SW, and let the weekends be for living (while maybe trying to go for the healthier naughty options)?
You need to live also and I wonder if your sticking to the rules worked for a bit and now a part of you just rebells at the weekends saying "screw it, ive reached target, i want to have some fun". Which is fine and important for you to admit that to yourself - your mind and body are screaming for less restriction- but that means you may indeed need a preplanned time in the week to let your hair down...a day or a way you decided upon to be "naughty". Maybe having the fast days and then deciding on 1-2 days where youre not as restrictive to yourself but you have preplanned which those days are based on your weekly schdule and HOW much overboard you want to go (a little bit or just go wild and not think about it at all). Key thing is imo is to have that space to burn the steam but to not do it every day or more than once in a week. otherwise said maybe putting 1 simple plan in place that works for you without it being too restrictive all the time will work better in the long run for you?
Similarly - holiday and Xmas. Im super worried about xmas and i am thinking now, before even reaching goal, how I should deal with it knowing what I know about myself thus far...i personally plan to not have more than 1 day a week when I go a bit overboard to have fun; if theres multiple meals out or with family during a week, i will try choosing some of them to be the healthy meals (ie. My partner's family always does traditional roasts but the meat only and veg on the table are always plentiful and i know i wont need the potatoes or yorkshire puddings; however with my family that sort of choose and picking is less possible hence that is the day when I will be "naughty" and leave my hair down). Maybe having a think before hand about which events you want to be eatimg in one way or the other will be useful?
And, crucially, remember - even if at one event you pre-decided to eat more syns or such - YOU decided it. Because YOU are in control of this. Hence do not beat yourself up next day - even if you do at start maybe its a process you need to be working on yourself to get accustomed to and reduce the volume of that pesky critical voice - but that can only be done with time and you practicing it (not every day though, ey? )
Feel free to ignore all this if its silly what I'm saying (and apologies for the long post:/)

Hi Alecto_on_LCD

Apologies let me define my statement. I work a 9-5 job, I don't eat breakfast really (no time) I eat yogurts, fruit, stir fry, soups, mug shots, JP & beans for my lunch (not all on the same day, gosh it's just the type of food I will eat). My general daytime consumption is low, for dinner I will eat standard meat and two veg and usually my HXB to finish the day. I do like my Gin, but I often don't drink during the week it's not the usual but my measurements are ermm.. possibly over looked. Friday, i go home and in my head "let loose, it's the weekend" most of time I'll have a good few drink and a few bad food choices. I'll tell you why my weeks are like this, Monday to Thursday I do nothing, I dont socialise, when the weekend comes that's when everything is happening, I can shoot my syns away in one weekend easily. I have a very sociable life at weekends. Then Monday rolls back and I stress and go back to my usual hoping to pull back and not gain on my weigh in day (Friday).

I think my whole eating structure needs changing I think SW is good for losing weight but not maintaining its very hard and very upsetting. I know I should be very proud, I use instagram to post my weigh in every Friday and I have been at target for 129 weeks!!! But honestly I've lost the pride im so concerned with putting any weight back on even in case it spirals...

I don't excerise no, I really don't like it, however I love walking and hiking so I'm definitely not a lazy bones I am out and about a lot

All of the above it really helpful and I am glad you took the time to write all of it (even if you think it's long it's helpful to me!!!!).

I think I need to revaluate and reflect on my journey before it consumes me X

 

[Milly-Ivy Cymru]

I totally see your worry. I got to my target, but I am terrified now that i'm there I wont stay there. My target is a stone lower than my original target which should please me however I'm not happy and want to go a stone lower again, but people tell me I will look too skinny. Im 9.3 now and I am only 5"1 so 8.3 wouldn't be too skinny I don't think?
Anyway, you say you are good through the week and naughty at the weekend, that is also me. I find it balanced. As long as I am not too greedy and have smaller portions and still exercise I maintain easily. Give or take a 1lb here or there fluctuation. I am obsessive what the scales say too, but I need to change my mind set (as do you) and concentrate on how we feel rather than what a box says.

Hope you feel better about yourself soon, and mega congratulations for getting to your target!

Milly