This is me! (Management diary)

Discussion in 'LL Diaries' started by Spanglymum, 13 September 2011 Social URL.

  1. Spanglymum

    Spanglymum Gold Member

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    Thought I'd start a new diary, almost exactly one year on from when I started my Lighter Life journey. My focus has changed - and now I'm learning about management, so I think the theme/emphasis of this diary will be a bit different from my old one. (I think management is a lifelong learning process! :))

    Quick biography: I'm 41, mother of two daughters (aged 6 and 2 (nearly 3)), and married to the love of my life, who sadly was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis the year after we got married and is now quite severely disabled. I also work full-time. Since losing five-and-a-half stone on Lighter Life I've found my dream job (I'm sure the two are connected!). I totally believe in The Secret and the power of positive thinking. After years of ups and downs (weight and moodwise) I think I've finally reached some kind of stability...

    Other than that - I find Christmas difficult, partly because of the emphasis on food but more importantly because when I was 14 my sister died very suddenly at Christmas at the age of 19 (she had a brain tumour no one knew about). This time of year can be a test for me in many ways...

    Anyway - enough! Just wanted to start a new page and a new diary as I really think I HAVE "got the old me back" as my old diary said! :D
     
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  3. Catthin

    Catthin Silver Member

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    Great to read such a positive post.You seem to have turned a corner and are moving on .Hope RTM is good for you without too many hurdles to overcome.
    It is great to hear you are enjoying your new job.Sorry to hear of the loss of your sister when you were so young and hope that you are able to cope with Christmas this year just thinking how proud your sister would have been seeing you slim ,happy and positive after finding yourself again.
    Good luck I am starting RTM tonight but feeling aprehensive,
    Cathy
     
  4. Pymster

    Pymster Full Member

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    Hey Spanglymum
    Things are sent to test us and we never know why things happen, but I am a believer in the secret and in positive thinking and its amazing how it works for us when we allow it.
    Im so sorry about the sadness but can sense from the post you are in a more positive frame of mind and with that you will achieve anything and everything
    X
     
  5. Spanglymum

    Spanglymum Gold Member

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    Good luck with RTM, Cathy. We can support each other! :)
     
  6. Spanglymum

    Spanglymum Gold Member

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    Stayed the same this week which I guess was to be expected really! Had a cool moment - got to group too late because of traffic on way home so all my group had gone and I had to wait with a new Total group for my weigh in A couple of people asked me why I was there as I obviously wasn't on the programme (?!). I told them I did it last year and got some serious positive strokes when the asked how much I'd lost and I told them five and a half stone :)

    LL is so cool!!
     
  7. karen0308

    karen0308 Full Member

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    Brilliant im looking forward to reading your new diary :) well done on your loss thats fantastic , you must feel so good x
     
  8. Snoop704

    Snoop704 Full Member

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    Congratulations on your weight loss
    Dorothy x
     
  9. claire30

    claire30 Banned

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    Morning I'm looking forward to following your diary hon x
     
  10. Catthin

    Catthin Silver Member

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    Hi Spanglymum
    Hows your Phase 1 going.I am on day three and feeling good still in control and no real issues over the food just finding it hard fitting in four packs as well.
    Cathy
     
  11. Spanglymum

    Spanglymum Gold Member

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    I don't have any phases - am just slowly cutting down on packs and reintroducing food. This week is three packs and a low carb meal. I don't think my LLC is very helpful re RTM! But I'm taking things at my own pace and feel in control, which is the main thing. I have some of the RTM books and will see if they explain the phases. My LLC doesn't recommend the 12 week plan because she's seen so many people drop out on it. Which is a pity, as I really wanted to do it first time round! Especially after reading others' experiences on here and realising how key it is to success long term.

    Thing is though I've only gained twice this year, and both for very specific reasons: my tenth wedding anniversary, and my summer holiday. In between I was managing my weight successfully so I intend to do so again!
     
  12. Spanglymum

    Spanglymum Gold Member

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    Well, without wanting to sound too like a moaning Minnie, my joints seem to be getting worse and worse every day. I guess it's as the weather gets more Autumnal. Really glad I'm seeing the consultant again in October as he was very positive about being able to relieve a lot of my symptoms once he'd made the final diagnosis (he knew roughly what it was and even offered some interim treatment but I said I'd prefer to wait for the test results.) So at least I know there's an end in sight, and it's amazingly reassuring to be being taken seriously and given sympathy after over six years of this! (have never really felt justified in complaining overmuch because of hubby's condition eclipsing anything I could possibly be dealing with.)

    So... Today is going to be a bit mixed as my youngest has had a dodgy tummy for a couple of days now and was actually up last night with diarrhoea :( so I'm going to take her to the out of hours doctor today as I'm a bit worried about her. Planning to do some cooking with my eldest later on and some gardening if it stays dry! Was meant to be reading the intercession at church this morning but might have to pass, depending on when I can get my daughter seen.

    Never a dull moment, eh?!

    The coming week is full of meetings (as usual) but more excitingly I need to start planning some work travel for next year, starting with India! I've never been before and feel very privileged to have the opportunity.
     
  13. slendablenda

    slendablenda Gold Member

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    Hi Spangly,
    on;y just seen this from a week ago. Hope your pains might be a bit relieved now due to upturn in the weather.
    I also hope your daughter's tummy is okay now. Little ones seem to dip and pick up so dramatically don't they.
    How are you doing with your RTM? It does seem like the LL support wanes for many at this point. I read that changes are afoot for charging for packs, maintenance and also how RTM works.
    Should be interesting. None of us relish the thought of change much.
    India fr work - wow! Which part will you visit? I used to go to Bombay (now Mumbai) for work reasons years ago. It's certainly very different and a culture shock no matter how prepared you are. Some fantastic aspects and some horrors too.
    It sounds as though you are enjoying the challenge of your new job.
    You haven't mentioned your hubby much lately, maybe he's going through a better patch or maybe you are just so so busy.
    Wonder Woman :superwoman:
     
  14. Spanglymum

    Spanglymum Gold Member

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    Hi SB. Hubby hasn't been great but no major dramas apart from the odd fall (like yesterday when he couldn't get out of the shower). I do worry and feel quite helpless at times. Thank you for asking about him. I really appreciate the thought.

    Had a lovely weekend until a slight blip last night. Been making more effort to see friends and it's great. Went through a real hermit phase for a while and was worried I was losing touch with everyone! Then last night had a wobble. Why?! Not too bad: just a couple of 'off plan' things. Maybe I'm being too hard on myself. Do people who have never had weight issues do this too? Go 'off road' occasionally?

    Actually I can think of some reasons. Saw a friend I haven't seen in 18 months (she lives in Scotland btw before you think I REALLY neglect my friends!) and she didn't mention my weight loss. Not even once! She knows I've done lighter life btw as we've talked about it on the phone and last time I saw her I was a size 22!

    She had brought cupcakes. I'm not really a cake person and know sugar is a major trigger for me but had one anyway!?!

    Hmm. Think I have some crooked expectations/thoughts re my friendships ... And no, people without food issues don't 'use' food to mask emotions. They might have some 'off plan' foods for the taste of them but wouldn't have them in order to change their mood.

    My friend and her hubby didn't ask about my job either. I'm really proud of what I've achieved. But it wasn't mentioned apart from in passing. When my hubby mentioned it my friend said 'another new job? Oh god. Not another one?' and I joked and said no no it's the same one I told you about. 'oh that' she said, dismissively and changed the subject.

    Yup starting to unpick the feelings now!!

    So. I had a glass of red later on. And some snacks from Holland and Barrett. Not by any means the end of the world, but i dont like that I was using food/drink to change my mood as I don't do that anymore! Guess I had been expecting some positive strokes that didn't come. And got some pretty strong negative comments re my lengthy commute :(

    Hmm... Love the phrase 'food for thought' and think it is very apt here!!

    I feel sad :(. I want to nurture the friendships I do have - but am not sure how to get this one on a healthier footing emotionally. Can see from writing it down there is a whole heap of stuff going on underneath (on both sides).
     
    Last edited: 26 September 2011
  15. slendablenda

    slendablenda Gold Member

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    Oh Spangly
    I've had that too especially with one friend I have shared so many
    experiences with over the years.She's tiny and hs no issue with food. Turned out I was OK as a " fat friend", but she couldn't handle it when I took control of my life, transformed my size and my wardrobe and became happy in myself.
    At first she ignored the fact I'd lost 12 stone! and then each time I saw her kept asking what size I was now.
    Eventually I confronted her about it. She said she always thought of me as a "motherly" friend and she couldn't get her head round the change. I told her it was her problem not mine, but it did make me realise that other people don't see our success (weight/job/whatever) through the same eyes as we do and the little green eyed god isn't far away.
    Eventually I decided to keep my distance and didn't contact her. After about 3 months she phoned me as if noting had happened and actually she's been great through my cancer treatment. You do find you might have to ditch some fair weather friends.
    That was very hard to acknowledge because loyalty and friendship are very important to me too.
    You are right to feel sad. The weight loss and super job are huge achievements alongside all your family commitments too.
    The only difference between us and "normal" people is that we automatically want to turn to our old comforts of food and drink.
    It's not surprising when they have been our fallback for so long.
    It takes years to unlearn those behaviours. xxx
     
  16. loopylorns

    loopylorns Full Member

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    Read both of the last 2 posts with sadness, can never understand why people can not be happy for each other.

    Spangley, so sorry to read that you were made to feel that way, sometimes people are so negative and SB is right in that through life we have to part ways with those we once considered friends, one friend of mine says that we have different friends for different reasons throughout life- how very true.

    Please do not let this upset you any further, move on say its her problem but you wont let it be yours!

    And also I believe we all have our vices, it may be shopping, exercising or eating, this person will have one too and is likely jealous that you are shedding yours.

    big huge hugs to you xx
     
  17. Pymster

    Pymster Full Member

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    Hey Spangly - sorry to hear about your friend being dismissive, dont let it get you down - you know how well you have done and how well you are doing! dont let others, albeit people you thought were friends pee on your parade!
    keep smiling chick
    x
     
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  19. Spanglymum

    Spanglymum Gold Member

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    I think she's just a very "glass half-empty" person in general and it's not necessarily a comment on me or our friendship. I've felt low after seeing her before but after knowing her so long (about 26 years?!) I don't want to end the friendship. I think I just need to learn to accept how she is and not react to it - and perhaps it would be helpful to occasionally point out/reflect back to her some of the things she says/does so she starts to become aware of it. Not in an overly critical way or anything - but just assertively so I start to feel more in control and less drained when I see her. I think she's worth it. (I jettisoned a different "friend" earlier this year - very radical for me! - because I decided some of her behaviour and values were just completely unacceptable to me - but this friend has been a friend for a long long time. We've been through a lot and her heart is in the right place. I just need to work on how I choose to react to her I think.
     
  20. slendablenda

    slendablenda Gold Member

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    Yes, of course, she's your friend and only you two know the realtionship you've had over the years.
    I think the knock on effects from doing LL are just amazing - we seem to develop so much awareness of other issues apart from losing weight and don't put up with all the cr*p as we've done for years. I've definitely become more assertive.
    Just beware of "frenemies" and emotional vampires.
    I'd never heard of them prior to LL. xx
     
  21. Spanglymum

    Spanglymum Gold Member

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    Ah yes, "frenemies". I know exactly what you mean. It's amazing to me how much of my weight issues have been connected to assertiveness/lack of assertiveness with other people (especially people who are "supposed" (says who?) to be supportive), and all the associated repressed anger, angst, guilt, disappointment etc. Fascinating. I'm by no means completely there yet though... have had a wibbly few days. Am managing, but for some reason had a massive craving for oatcakes (?!) (get me Mrs Unhealthy) - and then yesterday a big craving for wh*** ch*****te! Bizarre. What is even more odd is that I was going to Tesco anyway for some bits the family needed, and bought a BIG bar (even though I knew I wouldn't want it all) and sat in the car park in the dark eating it, almost in "rebellious child" defiant mood. :( sad about that somehow. Not quite sure what provoked it and not sure what I was angry/fed up about.
    Anyway - this morning I took the remains of the bar (more than half left) and put it in the bin so it wouldn't "speak" to me from the glove compartment. I guess I need to not have these things in the car. Wouldn't quite classify it as a binge but it was definitely disordered behaviour. Most odd.
    Back to "normal" today though - although there are a number of parties/birthday celebrations going on at work today and also my predecessor's retirement do - which means loads of cakes, sweets, chocolate etc doing the rounds.
    Why are these things even bothering me? Until recently I wasn't particularly craving carbs at all. Maybe I should be upping my protein now I'm at goal? I was wanting to lose another few pounds to have a buffer, but maybe this is my body's way of saying enough's enough?
     
  22. Julz

    Julz Silver Member

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    I know how you feel with the rebellious child and disordered behaviour, I had some cheese 200g in the fridge ( one of my trigger foods) left from my holiday when was doing lite, I ate it all up with some pickle, nothing else. Just stood there, sliced it off and ate it, stopped half way, had a word with myself....... And went back for the rest. I have been craving chocolate for over a week, :( ( another trigger food). So far I have managed to fight it off,i am supposed to be doing total, have no good reason for the cheese episode, thanked my lucky stars I had no indigestion or belly ache, I so deserved!
    I am at the last stage now with about a stone to go, when I was at group last Sunday, LLC said it is quite common that people who are nearly at the end, suddenly start to sabotage themselves, for all sorts of reasons.
    So am I that susceptible that I have started to sabotage myself? I know I am really struggling some days with boredom, so ??? Is going on???

    Good luck with all the cakes at work :)
    Jx
     
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