Ugh SW 'friend'

[Mummy_Helen]

I have this friend who is doing SW by herself because she can't afford to go to classes. She doesn't live near me but we meet up once a month or so. She started SW after seeing how well I was doing, and at first I was elated to have someone to share stories with, and recipes and general things I had learned.

However... It seems now, she only ever calls when she wants something. Which seems to be about every other day. She'll call about syn values, or HE's or whether something is a free food or not. She doesn't have internet access so can't even use an outlet like MiniMins to find out these things. While I want to be supportive of my friend losing weight, I'm beginning to feel like an unpaid (and unqualified for that matter) consultant to her.

I pay my class fee's, and yet she's getting it all for free and it's starting to annoy me. I really don't mind helping out, but not to this degree. I can't say I don't know the answer because she knows I have access to the website and class and have books.

How can I tell her politely that I'm more than prepared to support her, but not CARRY her? I even tried not answering the phone when it came up with her number, but she just texted me with her questions.

I offered to let her use my comp to buy herself some books off ebay so she'd have some of the info at hand, but she said it was too expensive on ebay for something I already have.

I should mention that she is a good friend, not just an aquaintance, and I don't want to upset her, but I also worry that if I just out and out tell her that she's on her own, it will be demoralising for her and she may even give up. But at the same time, I don't want every conversation we have to be "Hey how are you... ok go get your book, I want to know....".

I hope I don't come across as heartless or not supportive of another 'loser' (I love being a loser btw ). I just don't feel it's right for me to have the priviledge of all this info, and someone else getting it for nothing. That and the fact it takes about 45 minutes out of that night for the phone call, which, doesn't seem to have any other point than to talk SW stuff.

How do I tread carefully but get the point across?

 

[jane76]

oh thats a tough one and as i hate confrontation id be too wimpish to say anything at all which doesnt help you at all.

when is her birhday? or maybe even for christmas you could buy her a copy of the new directory as a gentle hint? if you dont normally buy each other gifts then how about photocopying the main pages of your book and giving it to her the next time she calls and say that it will save her having to call everytime she has a question!

other than that you might need to just come out with it although havnt a clue how i would go about that sorry, hope you manage to get it sorted xx

 

[jaylou]

I was going to suggest buying her a 6 week countdown for her nearest group, she will get the book and the opportunity to buy a food directory etc.....

I can fully understand where you are coming from but have no idea how you can not help her without her getting upset or falling out with you. Tough one.

 

[Littleslimmingbee]

ooo this is a tough one. You'r just gunna have to tell her as it is, politley of course.

Just say your trying to get on top of alot of things in your own life etc, and that as much as you really wanna help her you feel like you could really just do with a friend rather than a slimming buddy. Tell her you thought this 'healthy competetive' side of it would boost you, but you find its making you put pressure on yourself and youd love it if you could just meet up and chat about somthing other than sw.. or dieting.

Or- lie. Say you happened to mention your friend was doing sw from home in class, and your c questioned you about it after, you thought nothing of it and openly told her that you were giving her info etc from class and that your c wasnt happy about it and made you realise that its unfair, even if she is your friend to give her the amount of information you are.. just say you dont want things to get awkward at class for you and that whilst your happy to help her, you cant continue to give her information whilst risking the good relationship you ahve with your C.

if shes never going to attend class, she'l never know that this isnt how C's operate (openly anyways haha) xx

 

[Happy Holidays]

Tell her to get a notepad & write everything down so she doesn't have to waste HER time ringing you all the time.

 

[Littleslimmingbee]

Tell her to get a notepad & write everything down so she doesn't have to waste HER time ringing you all the time.

thats a really good idea!

tell her to buy a directory and then shel have all the syns and bobs your uncle.

When i have friends start at home, i write eveyrthing i know down, and send them off with it.. cos i dont want to end up in the situation you are.. and that way when they do ask me stuff its very minor. xx

 

[cheekychinchilla]

It must be tricky for you! I was worried that I was *that* friend for a while coz when I first started on SW I was always asking my friend for help. But she did donate me a starter pack and sat down and went through it all with me when I visited her. But now I have this lovely forum, as well as the starter pack, I only ask her when I'm really stuck with something. Maybe your friend will chill out too? Although it sounds like it's been going on for a while!
Is there any way you could get a starter pack for her? Do they seel these at classes? Obviously she would have to give you the money!
I really do feel for you. Maybe she doesn't realise how annoying she's being, so you will just have to politely tell her off.
Good luck.x

 

[donnajt]

go on freecycle and ask if anybody has sw books lurking in a cupboard, point your friend in the direction of the library and their free internet access

why is she wanting to access your books all the time - apart from wi days - i rarely consult my books now

 

[MadameLaMinx]

Im in the buy her a directory camp - hand it to her and say that you thought she would find it useful, and if she says "oh you shouldnt have" then reply that you are proud of how well shes doing but its always handy to have the back up of the info to hand. Dont need to comment on all the calls and that. Then if she rings you, ask how shes doing at it - thus still being supportive - congratulate her / commiserate and then move the subject on to something else.

No need for confrontation - you come off looking all shiny and helpful and no harm done!

 

[Lizabeth]

What about the next time SW have a free registration offer, take her along and pay for her first class (cheaper than buying food directory). At least then she will get the info pack and would be able to take the opportunity of buying food directory, etc. You could also maybe suggest she buy the SW magazine at her local newsagents or supermarket which would give her syn values, recipes and most important - the syn line telephone number!

 

[delleh]

Some great advice here!!! x