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Unsupportive friends

#1
Hello,

Is anyone else struggling to find really supportive friends? I seem to have a mixture between two different kinds: the ones that are just outrightly negative and the ones that say nice things but do not realise how hard the diet is and how I would like them to show that they care more and support me in other ways too (by helping me keep busy etc). I do not want to have to ask them (as then the support does not seem as valid somehow), but would like to somehow make them realise. Does anyone else feel this way? Where do you find the support you need to be happy?

Thank you
 
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DQ

Queen of the Damned
#2
Here with people who understand and are going through the same thing. It's hard in RL to understand what this is like - giving up food seems so bizarre to most people.

I think it's a common theme for many of us on here :(
 

Diva

Cambridge Diet Counsellor
#3
Hiya Jodie

As you are starting to realise, this VLCD diet is much more about your life than it is about the food and losing weight. When we embark on abstinence, its like the rest of our world comes into focus because we are no longer using food or drink to "numb" out the reality so we have to face what is really going on.

Sometimes, its the people around us, the jobs we're in, the lives we're leading...whatever it is, it will come to the fore when you're on a VLCD. The great thing though, is that you can deal with this stuff and make some serious life changes and know that you don't actually need food or drink to get you through.

This people on this forum know exactly where you are and where you're going because we're on the journey with you and some of us are Counsellors, some success stories, some newbies - between us we cover every aspect of your journey and are willing to share it with you.

I notice that you are based in Maida Vale...whereabouts are you? One of my bessie mates lives on Warwick Avenue... The next time we have a London meet-up, I hope that you'll be able to come along :)
 

Dimage

Full Member
S: 13st6lb C: 12st10lb G: 9st9lb BMI: 27.9 Loss: 0st10lb(5.32%)
#4
well said Diva, took the words right out of my mouth lol

At the start of my journey i had people saying i was doing a starvation diet, they just didnt realise (care?) what diet i was doing ......BUT as the weight has started to fall off me , SUDDENLY they all interested to know what i've been doing .....er hellooooooooo lol


Try not to worry so much about what others think of what youre doing , this is about YOU and how YOU feel......if you feel they arent supporting you , pop on here ...theres loads of folks willing to give support and help .
 
S: 14st4lb C: 13st1.5lb G: 9st0lb BMI: 35.8 Loss: 1st2.5lb(8.25%)
#5
I have had to realise.... theres nothing wrong with asking for help or support!

There are some people out there who are genuinly ready and willing to be nice but just don't know how best to help you, if you let them know and give them the chance then maybe they can be the friends you wish they were, and perhaps the friends they want to be. Just because you ask for it does NOT invalidate any effort someone makes.

The strength of friendship comes in the open ness, ability to discuss anything even if you disagree, and the willingness to help.

I consider myself to be a really good friend and although I try to be thoughtful there are times when I just don't get it. I would welcome a request from a friend to 'keep her busy' as I would then know what to do for her!

As for the negative ones? distance yourself from them. No need for falling out, but do you really need them in your life? Stop inviting them around if you do, stop accepting their invites if you get them. Be civil, pretend all is as usual, but gradually move yourself away from them.

oh and keep coming in here, we KNOW what you are going through, and minimins definately keeps you busy! have you been to the arcade?......

mags
xxx
 

pandora

finding my way again !
G: 11st7lb
#6
like the others have said, here is where everyone understands what you are doing. you don't need to explain the diet cos we all know allready. apart from my family & a couple of close friends i havn't told many people what i'm doing, so come the spring when i shed my big winter coat, i am antisipating the comments in the playground, by then i should be about 5 stone down so if they don't notice then obviously a trip to the optitians is in order !! lol
 

mindless

Hair today - gone tomorra
S: 25st13lb C: 19st13lb G: 15st10lb BMI: 38.9 Loss: 6st0lb(23.14%)
#7
my Jodie,
3 threads at the same time near midnight yesterday - guess you had a crappy kinda day.

Well, different sets of friends can support you on different ventures. This venture is kinda specific so this forum is hell of a good place to start looking for that support from friends in a similar position.

I am the only overweight person in the family, all the others are slimbos who eat what the hell they want and never seem to have a problem.

Their support is limited to saying 'you just need to eat in moderation'.

Well, we all know how helpful that is - and they wonder why I don't see this advice as 'life changing'!!!!!

Like telling an alcoholic to stop after a couple of pints - pointless.

So only sorry I wasn't on line when you were posting these threads - hope you resisted temptation and are still on track with today going better.

This place is a key part to the 'therapy' that is needed to change lives and a pond of support that I shall keep dipping my toe into (and probably putting my foot in as well as I ramble too much) - its like an e-hug

Hoping you are a little stronger every day

cheers

Mindless
 
#8
Thank you all so much for your kind advice. Diva... I live on Maida Vale itself (really near Warwick Avenue) and would love to meet up sometime. I did have a bad day yesterday - seem to be craving things a little bit more at the moment and feeling that I am missing out on stuff due to not eating/ drinking. I didn't give in though - which I am really glad about as I know it wouldn't be worth it! Thank you all so much, xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
 

mindless

Hair today - gone tomorra
S: 25st13lb C: 19st13lb G: 15st10lb BMI: 38.9 Loss: 6st0lb(23.14%)
#9
just checking things still cool and your determination still strong (like I said on one of your other threads - I'm just nosey also!)

cheeers
 

Diva

Cambridge Diet Counsellor
#10
How are things going Jod???
 
#11
Hey there,

Things are OK - havent given in to temptation - to be honest, havent really been that tempted as I know it isnt worth it in the end and I would feel really guilty afterwards. I think I am just going to have to take things as they come and hope that things work out OK. Very glad I have found this website though! xx
 


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