Weigh in Week 31

[Elle-Emm]

A bad weigh in i'm afraid guys - put on 1lb, a fortnight since my last weigh in.

Yes i cheated, a fair bit - not whole meals or masses volume-wise but all the wrong things and all more than enough to take me well out of ketosis i'm sure and i probably would have had a big gain had i weighed in last weekend. Let me say this though - I didn't avoid weighing in, I have just been away from home. I ate choc bars, biscuits, bread, cheese - simply because they were *there* and I *could*. As I and others have said, we know out demons and we need to get to know how to control them. LT is *not* and should not be treated as a quick fix. The learning curve continues...

But since last Monday i have been Lt clean and sober 100% lol - so am focussing on that rather than beating myself up. Yes it means getting to goal is slower progress than it should be, but I'm learning some valuable lessons - trying to wring as much positive juice out of this as i can. And hoping that my experiences can help others too I guess.

Okay, a few things:

1) the sugar highs and the sugar lows. wow. they are huge - with that as the only big difference in my diet over a couple of days I realised just how big a deal this is. Kinda scary, no? So i had a hot choc (highlights, made with water) but just wanted more and more... that led to choc bars and biscuits. oh and a bit of cheesecake i just remembered. all sweet things, no savoury cravings.

2) i'm SOOOOOOOOOOO glad i didn't attempt to refeed for a holiday or an occasion during my time on LT - i honestly don't think i'd have got back on it in the slightest.

3) showed me the huge importance of refeeding. i'm looking forward to the controlled element of refeed and actually having a meal and some semblance of eating proper food.

Next weigh in is another fortnight and i WILL absolutely have lost - and hopefully be only one week from goal by then.

Good luck all

 

[BlackRose]

Well done on your attitude Elle -beating yourself up gets you nowhere.

Having just started back after a big fall, can I ask you if you've found that the bad stuff actually depresses you? I mean actually brings you right down. I don't just mean the guilt factor of being away from the safety of LT but actual I'm worthelss feelings.

I've been amazed at how my body is reacting to the junk, maybe because I'd never been so long on LT before I never gave myself time to notice.

I'm so happy to be back in the arms of TFR -I feel safe again! LOL

 

[Elle-Emm]

Today I actually feel like I want to go out and buy food and eat it. I physically have nothing in the house i could eat - threw out anything and everything last night (not that there was much anyway!!). I guess the last time i spent so much time sitting in the house was when i was in full-on depression mode and will have been scoffing food. I'm going to meet a friend later for a black coffee - that will do me the world of good

Stress of work, family, study (cramming revision in for an exam on wednesday) all come at once in the last few weeks. So i know that that's a big trigger for eating and yeah i guess i have been down on myself generally a bit more than a few weeks ago.

It led to a decision this week on work anyway, which i am really happy with, so that is another big factor in being so keen to get to goal and finish LT ASAP. I am currently contracting on a job over 100 miles from home - so I stay in hotels during the week and am not even at home every weekend. Long story short, i'm finishing the job at end October, when my contract runs out, and can't wait. It should coincide with getting to my goal weight and therefore all the stress of worrying how i would manage refeed catering living in hotels has all gone!

I can afford to take some time off working while i jobhunt in my home city, spend some time with my mum, get some jobs done around the house and enjoy my new life a bit - it's been a very hard year for many reasons and i haven't taken time to enjoy myself as much as i maybe needed to.

It sounds kind of corny in some ways, but I think we need to just take it one day at a time sometimes. And sometimes, like today and my craving for food even though i've been 100% Lt since monday, an hour at a time

 

[anne-mariep]

Well Done on your very positive attitude i tink yur dead right about learning your lessons now its much better than learning them wen your into refeeding and cant stop yourself. 2 weeks shud get you very close to your goal and im sure the controlled aspect will help you alot wen you start refeeding. As you have said numerous times in your threads you eat just coz its dere i done that 2 and i know its a very difficult habit to get out of but its very destructive. You will find a way to get around this even if it means locking up the stuff that has the most temptation you will find a way i know you will.

 

[BlackRose]

Today I actually feel like I want to go out and buy food and eat it. I physically have nothing in the house i could eat - threw out anything and everything last night (not that there was much anyway!!). I guess the last time i spent so much time sitting in the house was when i was in full-on depression mode and will have been scoffing food. I'm going to meet a friend later for a black coffee - that will do me the world of good

Stress of work, family, study (cramming revision in for an exam on wednesday) all come at once in the last few weeks. So i know that that's a big trigger for eating and yeah i guess i have been down on myself generally a bit more than a few weeks ago.

It led to a decision this week on work anyway, which i am really happy with, so that is another big factor in being so keen to get to goal and finish LT ASAP. I am currently contracting on a job over 100 miles from home - so I stay in hotels during the week and am not even at home every weekend. Long story short, i'm finishing the job at end October, when my contract runs out, and can't wait. It should coincide with getting to my goal weight and therefore all the stress of worrying how i would manage refeed catering living in hotels has all gone!

I can afford to take some time off working while i jobhunt in my home city, spend some time with my mum, get some jobs done around the house and enjoy my new life a bit - it's been a very hard year for many reasons and i haven't taken time to enjoy myself as much as i maybe needed to.

It sounds kind of corny in some ways, but I think we need to just take it one day at a time sometimes. And sometimes, like today and my craving for food even though i've been 100% Lt since monday, an hour at a time

Woman, my hat off to you. You are spot on, a day, an hour at a time -whichever way you get there as long as you get there is what I say. Do what you need to to make yourself happy, let your feet touch the bloody ground once in awhile -and roll on the end of October!!!
GOOD LUCK!!!

 

[Elle-Emm]

Thanks AnneMarie

I think what has surprised me is what i have eaten. Although at my mum's last week i had some cheese and some marmite sandwiches, by and large it has been sweet things. That's how i've finally realised the true evil powers of sugar...
Whereas before I would have scoffed downa tube of pringles i have not bought crisps - even in my frenzy for some food i have actually bought very very little indeed (part guilt/shame i think - it's a real admission of failing...)

and can i say now how fricking gorgeous wispa gold and the caramel chunky kitkat are? lol, sorry, but it's true.

 

[nmmireland]

fair play for getting back into it and keeping strong, hour by hour and day by day is the way to do it... i am finding it hard yesterday and today and feel really hungry too... minding my nephew too so when giving him dinner yest it took so much for me not to taste it and the same with making him breakfast this morning, i am use to having only water in my fridge and no temptations.....

as i said fair play and you seem well on the way back to getting to your goal, you have done fantastic till now and your posts are always so strong and positive xx

 

[anne-mariep]

I know exactly woke up this morning after having a terrible dream that i had eating a sandwich yesterday it took me nearly five mins to realise i hadnt. I went for a 3 course meal with my family last nite had my shake and water but the smell of the bread oh my god i know dats where the dream came from but guilt really gets to you.

Some days all i want is chocolate galaxy chocolate dont know why coz never really ate it much before then others its popcorn then apples the next its weird. Im glad they change thou coz one constant thing wud prob be harder to ignore. I'd say you dont want crisps coz they are salty and wud be so far away from wats in the shakes whereas the shakes an be quite sweet some times. as you said wen you had some hot chocolate you wanted more chocolate your cravings seem to be linked. this is just a theory obviously. Clearing out your house was a good step i was gonna suggest it but mite have been too extreme if you lived with someone haha!

You will get there thou and your so close to refeed. i dont know how you lasted this long since you have been basically living in a hotel on this diet congrats to your brilliant strength, you're spot on about it being hard to do the refeed as refeeding is all bout preparation and planning and that wud have been difficult. Hopefully reduced stress levels will help you on your journey to dealing with maintaining so you will be in a good place wen your back to work.

 

[Elle-Emm]

Do what you need to to make yourself happy, let your feet touch the bloody ground once in awhile -and roll on the end of October!!!
GOOD LUCK!!!

that is precisely it!!!

A year ago this week my dad died. following that i was off work for 4 months with work-related depression and obviously grief too. Then i jumped straight into this job, a time-consuming OU course and Lipotrim all within a week or 2 of each other in March! Mad woman!!

All these things have helped in some ways and hindered in other ways. But they're all part of life's rich tapestry and what doesn't kill us makes us stronger, no?

 

[Elle-Emm]

Guys, I could honestly ost thanks and replies all day - but i must get back to revision. with another glass of sparkling water.

lol - even chatting to fellow students about my exam gives me food-envy. they're all bringing jelly babies and chocolate. i will bring abottle of water... ah well, so long as i pass that's the main thing. eek!

see you all soon on another revision break

(oh and BlackRose, knowing you're a literature fan - i'm currently revising Aphra Behn's The Rover and later on will be concentrating on some poetry including Sylvia Plath, Grace Nichols, Christina Rossetti - an eclectic mix!!)

 

[BetsyBotox]

Elle-Emm, do you know what I absolutely love about you? Your honesty!

You're such an intelligent lady. I love how you look into yourself to find the answers to your problems.

I honestly do think you have taken on too much at the one time and it's all catching up with you. Remember, all work and no play makes Elle-Emm a dull girl.

Get back on track, finish the contract and get out there and show off that wonderful new body! Take time for you and only you. Indulge yourself in clothes, lotions, potions, handbags, shoes, men even!

I'm a great believer in one day at a time because we never know what tomorrow brings. You have had such a lot to deal with lately. Don't be too hard on yourself. Give yourself some leeway. Afterall you are only human.

*hugs*

Oh and best of luck with the revision. I'm sure you'll pass with flying colours.

 

[Determined Girl]

Well done and thanks so much for posting- it's really helpful to see how people deal with life after LT- getting to goal SEEMS the hard bit, but I suspect you're right- it's what you do when you get there that's tough

xx

 

[summergurl]

Ahhh elle! So close to goal

How about refeeding now and losing the last 8lbs on your own?
Or dont you feel 'ready' too? xx

 

[Han_Han]

Sorry to hear you've been having trouble over the last few weeks! But, you always seem to approach these things in the right way! Looking at it as a learning experience is great & ultimately, you've done so well, that perhaps these lessons are worth the 1lb gain! You've made an interesting point about the sugar induced cravings, will have to look out for those! Meep!

Well done for getting back on track Good luck!!!

Also - I'm really looking forward to trying the Wispa Gold, even though my Mum assures me it's not very nice ;-) I'm such a sucker for new (or new-old) chocolate bars!

Hannah

 

[irish molly]

Elle, you are a rock of sense and know where you have gone wrong. You have had a lot on your plate just lately so something had to give. You are great to get back on the wagon and will succeed. Good luck for your exams.