Sticky
I will succeed!!!
I went clothes shopping on Saturday to buy a dress for my freind's birthday bash at the weekend. I'm going to Manchester to stay with her overnight and we'll be hitting the town like we used to. Excited? YEAH!
I walked into the first shop feeling confident. I thought I'd go for a relatively shortish dress but one with the sleeves in (if you know the ones I mean?) and couple it with some coloured tights and funky accessories and wear my hair loose but 'messy'.
It was a disaster - I didn't see the sexy woman looking back in the mirror I'd wanted to, but an awkward girl who looked fat and wobbly. I was mostly dissapointed with my legs, which I thought we worthy of an outing now, but eugh! No! And it was worse than before weight loss, cause this time I thought I'd be finding it hard to choose what to buy because I liked a few outfits!
BUT I KNOW this is in my head more than reality.
I ended up with a pair of trousers and a sparkly top which is loose fitting but hangs lovely. Put on a bolero top and heels and that'll do. But that's the thing...it'll DO :-( . I used to love wearing skirts and dresses, and now I hate them. I want to be how I was before again...
It's insane because I know I look so much better than I did before I started SW and I've lost nearly 2 dress sizes now. Yes I have a few lbs left to lose and I need to do some serious toning on my tummy still but I shouldn't be leaving still feeling the way I did before the losses.
It just goes to show how much our weight, past, current or previous, can become our worst enemy and really cloud how we see ourselves and how we feel. I said above 'I want to be how I used to be' and that's my problem. Right there. I am living in the past still and I think I am suffering from some serious anger about the whole thing. I used to be slim and toned and even then I didn't always feel confident! But back then I was a bit obsessive about working out and at one point I was way too thin and looked hideous. Yet I am still comparing myself to that point in my life. And it's dangerous! Do I want to be a twig again? No I don't...so why do I still find it hard to stand infront of a mirror and look at myself, clothed or otherwise? I have curves now, which I love, and I need to start seeing them as good things and not cringing whenever I try something on! Gah!
I know we all have body issues which is why I wanted to post this. Saturday made me realise just how deeply our insecurities can run, and they can remain after weight has been lost and improvements been made. Will we ever be 100% happy (or even just happy) with our bodies or have we all become jaded from people's cruel comments etc?
And, as well as comparing to another time, how many of us put our lives on hold until we get to our goal weight?
I've decided that I no longer want to feel like I do now going shopping so I am going to be trying to embrace my body more and working on toning myself up more (to help step 1 lol).
But more importantly, I have to try and be happy in my own skin. I have this one body and I am fed up of hating it.
Just my thoughts this weekend...
I walked into the first shop feeling confident. I thought I'd go for a relatively shortish dress but one with the sleeves in (if you know the ones I mean?) and couple it with some coloured tights and funky accessories and wear my hair loose but 'messy'.
It was a disaster - I didn't see the sexy woman looking back in the mirror I'd wanted to, but an awkward girl who looked fat and wobbly. I was mostly dissapointed with my legs, which I thought we worthy of an outing now, but eugh! No! And it was worse than before weight loss, cause this time I thought I'd be finding it hard to choose what to buy because I liked a few outfits!
BUT I KNOW this is in my head more than reality.
I ended up with a pair of trousers and a sparkly top which is loose fitting but hangs lovely. Put on a bolero top and heels and that'll do. But that's the thing...it'll DO :-( . I used to love wearing skirts and dresses, and now I hate them. I want to be how I was before again...
It's insane because I know I look so much better than I did before I started SW and I've lost nearly 2 dress sizes now. Yes I have a few lbs left to lose and I need to do some serious toning on my tummy still but I shouldn't be leaving still feeling the way I did before the losses.
It just goes to show how much our weight, past, current or previous, can become our worst enemy and really cloud how we see ourselves and how we feel. I said above 'I want to be how I used to be' and that's my problem. Right there. I am living in the past still and I think I am suffering from some serious anger about the whole thing. I used to be slim and toned and even then I didn't always feel confident! But back then I was a bit obsessive about working out and at one point I was way too thin and looked hideous. Yet I am still comparing myself to that point in my life. And it's dangerous! Do I want to be a twig again? No I don't...so why do I still find it hard to stand infront of a mirror and look at myself, clothed or otherwise? I have curves now, which I love, and I need to start seeing them as good things and not cringing whenever I try something on! Gah!
I know we all have body issues which is why I wanted to post this. Saturday made me realise just how deeply our insecurities can run, and they can remain after weight has been lost and improvements been made. Will we ever be 100% happy (or even just happy) with our bodies or have we all become jaded from people's cruel comments etc?
And, as well as comparing to another time, how many of us put our lives on hold until we get to our goal weight?
I've decided that I no longer want to feel like I do now going shopping so I am going to be trying to embrace my body more and working on toning myself up more (to help step 1 lol).
But more importantly, I have to try and be happy in my own skin. I have this one body and I am fed up of hating it.
Just my thoughts this weekend...
