Having a good LLC
We have been so lucky in our group (BL is in the same one as me)we have a very experienced and intuitive LLC who addresses all these issues with us. She has the skill to recognise when people are struggling with emotional stuff and gently peel away the layers.
I thin kwe have all shared emtional secrets we never expected to be able to share with others.
It has been both empowering and liberating and i'm sure it's what has made this work for me.
I thought I was quite self aware before - but I have learnt stuff that will help me for the rest of my life - I hope.