What if I actually do this and get thin?

Discussion in 'WeMITTS (We Mean It This Time)' started by spannerpan, 21 January 2008 Social URL.

  1. spannerpan

    spannerpan Full Member

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    Hi all

    I have been overweight since I was a child. I have had a fantastic first week and it dawned on me this morning....

    I am so so scared of being slim. I have always imagined being able to shop in "normal" shops - able to wear fashionable clothes that I like - not just clothes that fit me.

    But right now I am so scared.

    At first when I went on Lipotrim everyone in work was saying "oh you had better stick to this one" as they have seen me try and fail at so many diets but after my first week I am getting... "Oh do you think that Lipotrim is healthy?" "Hmmm I wouldn't stay on it for long if I were you". It is like when I first started everyone thought fat greedy Anna won't stick at it and it was a source of amusement to them and they were getting ready to poke fun at me when I failed. NOW it looks like I can do it and maybe they are worried that actually fat greedy Anna will turn into slim pretty Anna.

    This is their problem I know but I feel scared that I won't be accepted slim. I feel I don't deserve to be slim and feel afraid that people won't like me anymore. Oh and oh my goodness what if all those things I can't do because I am fat I suddenly can do because I am not fat. Is being fat an excuse NOT to do the things I should be doing. (Oh and I shouldn't be saying should - I should be choosing to do them).

    Ultimately this comes down to self esteem I know this. But I do worry that while I am sticking to my diet now... in the back of mind my unconcious is going "you can't do it", "you are better off fat" and yes my concious is winning now but I know it is inevitable if I dont tackle this I wont get slim.

    I have a degree in psychology so I am going to start with a bit of CBT on myself - see how I get on and maybe have a few sessions with a good counsellor to help me work through this.

    By the way there is a poem that I read a while ago that inspired me but I can't remember it all now.. It goes something like.

    Who am I to be a ray of light and happy? Actually who are you not to be? you were given your gifts and talents and it is your job to use them to benefit the world.

    I dont know it exactly but if it rings bells with anyone can you let me know? I would love to pin it up somewhere.

    Sorry this post is so long - I thought twice about putting it up but I guess a lot of overweight people might have this issue so maybe the responses will help a few people.
     
    IreneH, Russiandoll and Isis like this.
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  3. Elie

    Elie Silver Member

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    Aw Spannerpan, your post made me cry :( I am so sad that you are feeling like this. Having a degree in psychology, you know that your inner self is not only made of your subconscious but also the outside's world influence. SOME people ARE nasty to obse/fat people, which in turn makes fat people feel very insecure so no, it is not just you who have the problem. These people have issues too! But you are not a failure. You should take it as a revenge, show them who you truely are, not the person they want you to be (shy overweight spannerpan). You have to fight your way away from people's opinions, and god I know how hard it is. But it is the only way for you to feel better. Be selfish, do it for yourself, only think about yourself. And if they are nasty, then let them talk and keep slimming down: actions speak better than words they say, and it is true!!! Ah, if I could meet your colleagues, I would give them a few home truth:mad::mad::mad: Not good for my blood pressure LOL.

    Have you heard of hypnosis to help with lack of self confidence? it may be worth trying if you think it can help.

    I think you did well to post what you truely think and feel. It helps so much. You know that people will always gossip/b*tch about people's appearance, but now just BE SELFISH and think about YOU.

    Go honey, you are a winner :D:D:D
     
  4. spannerpan

    spannerpan Full Member

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  5. Rayven

    Rayven Addicted to Minimins!

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    It could be me i've quoted instead of you! I've forever put doing things i want to do off because i'm fat - socialising mainly. But i've had a revelation recently that i'm using the fat as an excuse, that i wear my fatsuit to shield me from the world because deep down i'm not scared of being rejected for being fat, i'm worried about being rejected because of me! If i take the fat suit away then my reason for not doing things is going to be gone and then i'm leaving myself out there. Fear of getting hurt, fear of rejection, but most of all fear of failure. If i don't lose the weight i have my excuse and i will use it from now until the end of time because instead of an excuse it feels like a reason, 'my' reason.
    Maybe if i'd have done all the things i wanted regardless of my weight and my fear of failing i would be happier, and wouldn't have such a weigh problem in the first place.

    (hope that makes sense)
     
  6. Isis

    Isis Ancient Egypt Nut!

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    "I have a degree in psychology so I am going to start with a bit of CBT on myself - see how I get on and maybe have a few sessions with a good counsellor to help me work through this".



    Hiya Spannerpan :)

    I couldn't just read your incredibly honest post and walk past, so to speak.
    I copied your sentence above as this REALLY spoke to me. I am saying similar things at the moment as I counsel people every day for a living but am struggling to apply any CBT to myself!!!:rolleyes:

    I think you are spot on with the thought of having a few good counselling sessions yourself and it is certainly something I am seriously looking into!!

    Thank you for taking time to share this with us,

    Lacey..xx :)
     
  7. Elie

    Elie Silver Member

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    :party0011:Spannerpan:party0011:
     
  8. Elie

    Elie Silver Member

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    And you are right, we are going to tackle the kilos together :D Annoying kilos, they won't resist long, faced with our determination :character00115: ( I like this smiley. I don't why but it reminds of Rocky when he is training so hard :rolleyes:)
     
  9. spannerpan

    spannerpan Full Member

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  10. Russiandoll

    Russiandoll Carpe diem

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    I think when we've been very overweight for a long time, it becomes WHO we are and not just WHAT we are. We are put into a pigeon hole - everyone is comfortable when we're there and we end up complying with that persona: it becomes familiar - even if we don't like it. I was the fattest in my family (even heavier than my own dad) and that, for many years, was just the way it was.

    I remember when I lost close to 10 stone (still had 2 to go), a lot of people seemed distinctly edgy. It was as if I was upsetting the natural order of things.
    Maybe I had made other people feel secure by being so big, They could be happy in the knowledge that, "Oh - I've gained a bit of weight but I'm not the fattest person I know" ... no, that slot was always occupied by me.

    I can still remember telling one of my sisters that I would be just over 12st by Christmas and the look of horror on her face was a picture. "What??" she said "But that means you'll weigh less than me!! I'm not ****ing having THAT!", as if it was a cardinal sin for me to weigh less than her.

    By Christmas 2006 I was the lightest adult female in my family. I enjoyed it - but it was strangely uncomfortable too. It was going to take time for my head to catch up with my body ... unfortunately, Feb 2007 heralded the beginning of the worst year of my life and by Christmas, I was back up to over 18st. I could almost hear the sigh of relief amongst everyone I know (or was it my imagination?)

    I'm now back on CD 790 though - annoyed that I have to make the same journey again but, on the upside, I'm better prepared mentally for what's in store. I know that once I get to where i want to be, it'll take time and plenty of positive reinforcement to 'think thin' instead of feeling like an obese person temporarily occupying a slim body.
     
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  11. Cherish

    Cherish Full Member

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    Hey girl!!!

    Don't worry about them haters,as you'll find people like it better for their self steem that you remain fat. But you deserve to be happy and healthy so go for it and good luck.
     
  12. Elie

    Elie Silver Member

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    Russiandoll, your post is so spot on. When I was reading it, I couldn't help but think "but of course" all the time. It is such a relief when you can see words to describe what you exactly feel. Thanks for this great post.

    Spannerpan, how are you today?:D
     
  13. spannerpan

    spannerpan Full Member

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    Hiya Ellie

    I am feeling much better thanks - I think on this diet road I am going to have up and down days (even slim people who aren't on diets have them lol).

    It kind of occurred to me this morning that maybe in a bizzarre way I should be pleased I was feeling a bit down. It sounds strange but before if I felt a bit low it would be straight to the kitchen cupboards and eat eat eat. I can't do that now so I HAVE to feel the feelings that I have tried to hide. So I kind of congratulated myself for doing just that - feeling my feelings instead of shoving a load of chocolate in. So what I am saying in a very long winded way is that actually it was really really good I had that down day and still didn't come off the diet. I learned from it.
     
  14. Elie

    Elie Silver Member

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    I know spannerpan, it is an achievement in itself. I was the same before. Everytime I was worried/sad/stressed/angry/excited/happy, etc I was eating.

    Oh the joy of being addicted to food :p
     
  15. Mrs B

    Mrs B Silver Member

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    This is a great thread. There is so much on here that is true for me and obviously for others too.

    I hide behind my fat too. If people don't like me it's because I'm fat and they are whatevers :), I feel I can't do this or that because I'm fat.

    It makes losing weight really difficult. I've started trying to do stuff now because I realised that if i never lost weight I'd've missed out on a lotfor silly reasons. It's not easy and I do feel that some people are laughing at me but lots of people have been HUGELY supportive.

    Hope that makes sense :confused:
     
  16. Mini

    Mini Administrator Staff Member

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    Hi Anna,

    Sounds similar...

    Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?

    Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do.

    We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone.

    And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

    The above speech by Nelson Mandela was originally written by Marianne Williamson who is the author of other similar material."
     
  17. spannerpan

    spannerpan Full Member

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