What is the weight other people would like you to be?

[tarotwoman]

This is similar to the thread on other people saying, 'you don't need to lose weight' but I just wondered what other people's thoughts and experiences are.

I have been on my diet now for 4 weeks, have lost 7lbs and have just had my first comment that 'I don't need to lose any more weight.'

Last time I dieted I lost about 4st 7lb to get to target and at first everyone without exception was encouraging and supportive. If we were going for a meal for instance they would ask me where was the best for me to stick to my diet, ie chinese less calories than italian. It seemed everyone was on my side and wanted to help me.

Gradually, when I had about a stone to lose to get to target, it seemed that other people thought I had lost enough so instead of the help, I got, 'one night, dessert, choc bar won't make any difference', or, 'you've lost enough now, you need to stop.' This was from most people except hubby, and close family.

It was this last stone that I felt made the greastest difference to my looks and how I felt. The weight came off all the right places, stomach, hips and thighs and left me in proportion.

I am 5ft 3in and after losing 7lb can now fit into size 14 instead of squashing myself in and bulging out all over. My target is 9st 7lb, which I feel is ok for my height. I certainly don't think I should stop at 10st 11lb.

It seems to me that other people want you to look good but not too good, and a little bit overweight suits them but not too much. In my case I think people like me to be about a stone overweight.

Have other people had the same experiences and is it always about a stone over that other people would like you to be?

Tracey

 

[CrazyBrit]

Preeeeeetty much, yeah. Most people are about a stone overweight, and if you start veering toward target, all you do is make them feel guilty about their own weight.

Most people also see weight as a self-control issue, and seeing someone succeed in losing weight where they've not actually tried to hits their confidence. And it's easier to keep you fat than to get themselves eating properly and exercising more.

I think you're shooting for a perfectly sensible weight for your height. Good luck!

 

[tarotwoman]

Thanks Crazybrit,

I don't think I'm aiming at anything unrealistic, it just annoys me that some people seem to think it's their right to comment on your weight. Strangely, it's the same people that don't like you being too much overweight that are the first to tell you you should stop.

Tracey

 

[Billiebean]

My poor friend had this from other 'friends'. She was 3st over weight when she started. I can honestly say she didnt look big but it was all about her confidence. She started loosing the weight and she looked fab. 1st gone, lovely...2st gone, really looking healthy and fit. Then she managed the last 1st to put her just under 25BMI and she was looking brilliant. Thats when the comments came. 'You look ill', 'You should stop now' etc...
I remember her taking a chocolate from the tin in work and getting her notebook out to log in a ww point and people calling her anal about it.
Shes now lost 50lbs, is at goal and looks totally fabulous and all i ever hear from the so called friends are negative comments of how ill she looks, how shes lost too much etc.... Jealousy i say.

Shes 5'6 and weighs 9st 12lb.

 

[MinnieMel]

It's funny my experience was much the same. I got to a BMI of 22 and all I heard was that I needed to stop, I looked ill, etc. I have a naturally very thin face, and lose from the top down -- so to fit clothes well I do look a little thin, but I actually think it is that people aren't used to me looking the way I should. I am now at a BMI of about 26 -- and people think I look fine (or so they say). Clothes do not fit right and I do not feel fine. I am going to weigh what feels right and people will get used to it.

MM

 

[Forever Starting Over]

im 5ft 6 and wanna be as close to 11 stone as possible. This would make me bmi 25 or just very under. But I get the same thing. It about feeling comfy in your own skin and only you know what is right for u. dont stop because of others opinions, thats all they are...opinions. Only you can really be honest with yourself. x

 

[tarotwoman]

Sounds like most people have had similar experiences to me. I don't think anyone here is going for unrealistic target weights, we all seem to be aiming for somewhere between 20 - 25 BMI.

For myself, I think the difference in that last stone is between looking 'okay' and looking 'good'. I've had the same comment again - after refusing food - that I look alright. I don't want to look alright - I want to look good.

Maybe it's the refusing food that upsets people - I always used to be relied on to eat the last couple of potatos or the bit of leftover cheesecake so they didn't have to throw it away. I suppose I made life easier for them by being a human dustbin. The way I look at it now is if no-one else wants it, neither do I.

Tracey

 

[Forever Starting Over]

thats a good attitude tracey. hope you get to the weight you want x

 

[KD]

It's funny ya know because I wasn't really aware of anyone wanting me to be any particular weight. Yeah, I got comments "haven't you lost enough" "Do you think you ought to stop now" "you look fine as you are" etc, but I don't think they minded either way too much.

I certainly didn't notice any jealousy, but did wonder whether their expectations were sort of set as to what I weighed. For example, the first "haven't you lost enough now?" came when I was 15 stone They might have just been being kind as in "you've done well..you look great now" , but I think they didn't realise that I wanted to be slim, not just a slimmer overweight person.

My journey to 'slimdom' was purely my own, so perhaps I just didn't take much notice of external attitudes towards it

Interestingly I had somebody completely appear to miss that I had lost 8 stone and when prompted by someone else, looked me up and down, and said "I haven't noticed your weight...you're just you"

 

[soozsb]

I have lost 27 pds and the thing that bothers me the most is that nobody excepts my family has even noticed!!! I haven't had even 1 comment on the fact that I have lost weight! This just makes me feel really bad after all I have done to lose weight!

 

[MinnieMel]

Hi Soosb, Maybe it is like KD -- people saw you as you, not your weight. That is actually kind of flattering. Your personality is what people notice and remember.

 

[CrazyBrit]

The other thing, soozb, is... have you bought smaller clothes? Did you dress baggily to begin with?

Nobody's noticing my weight loss because I'm still wearing size 26 clothes where possible and over it all is a chunky sweater to keep out the cold (our office has a negligible amount of heating at the best of times, let alone winter).

The cunning plan is to suddenly come in in new, smaller, better-fitting clothes around March / April when the weather starts improving

 

[tarotwoman]

What a brilliant idea Crazybrit! I may try that myself, if I wear more layers and big jumpers by the time Spring comes I'll hopefully have got past the stage where people are telling me I should stop.

Soozby, It's good that your family have noticed - that should keep you going, and wouldn't it be good to do as Crazybrit says and reveal a whole new you in the Spring.

KD and Minniemel, That's a good attitude to take that they just see you as you.

KD, I'm probably not as tolerant as you when people tell me I need to stop. What did you say to people when they used to say things like that to you?

Tracey

 

[clairem87]

The other thing, soozb, is... have you bought smaller clothes? Did you dress baggily to begin with?

Nobody's noticing my weight loss because I'm still wearing size 26 clothes where possible and over it all is a chunky sweater to keep out the cold (our office has a negligible amount of heating at the best of times, let alone winter).

The cunning plan is to suddenly come in in new, smaller, better-fitting clothes around March / April when the weather starts improving

lol this is my plan too - i want to lose it then stun everyone by aranging a night out and arrive late in a fitted dress and everyone be all amazed and say things like " god i knew you'd lost a bit but nothing like this.......! its the dream lol!

x