When will my mind catch up with my body?

[Littleslimmingbee]

Okay, so it took me a year and two months to shift 4 and a half stone, and i have been maintaining since, almost 8 months now. (However i have no revised my target and hope for my 5 stone award eventually)

anywho, it took me absoloutly ages for me to get my head around buying size 10's, rather than 18's ..wearing new clothes etc..

BUT, i cant stop thinking like fat fern.. i catch myself doing it all the time.. when we eat in a resteraunt, the thought will cross my mind whether the lady at the other table can tell i used to be fat by the way i eat ( crazy i know ) or that the other girls my age can tell i used to be fat by the way i wear my clothes.. somtimes i still doubt myself whether i'l fit past somones chair or through those metal turny things.. in my head i know these things are rediculous, but its like a natural way of thinking for me, even now.

I thought eventually i'd just kinda grow out of it, in the sence that once i'd 'grown' into my new body and gotten used to it, my mind would catch up.

Im not skinny, but im not overweight anymore ( although because of my height my bmi says otherwise LOL ) - or atleast i dont think i look overweight, but somtimes i worry others think differently.


i had a 'personal shopper' expierance type thing and i bought the outfit that she picked and my mum and sister said i looked fab it, however, i dithered for 2 hours over lunch before purchasing it, and now, with all the tags on, its hanging on my wardrobe, staring at me. I like the outfit, but my mind keeps telling me its an outfit someone of my age with a better body should be wearing. Its so not even revealing in any way, - i think the problem is, i think in order to wear a really nice looking outfit, i have to be going somewhere, where as i suppose now i have a body i like, i should be wearing these things, that everyone else wears so casually, on a dailey basis too?


i havnt even put it on for OH yet.


Am i waffeling? i dont even think im making sence LOL

Help ? LOL

 

[Mumoftwo]

I lost 5 stone a few years ago and had no idea I was 'thin'. It wasn't until after I had put almost all the weight back on that I came across a photograph of myself at my lightest and I can honestly say I was shocked. At no time had I ever considered myself to be slim, even though most of my clothes were a size 10 or 12. The person in the mirror to me was still the same.

This time around I am trying to make sure I am photographed, usually I go out of my way not to be, I hate it! Hopefully this will make me more aware of my body shape. I was at my sisters wedding last weekend and was complimented many times on how good I looked, still I had trouble believing them, even though I have now lost 3 stone.

I too don't think I 'deserve' nice clothes, they are for everyone else. In the back of my mind is the worry that people are thinking 'who does she think she is?':cry:

I'm afraid I've not been much help, but I can empathise. Hopefully the lovely peeps on minimins will have some good advice for all of us struggling with body image.

 

[ilovelife]

have you thought about going to your g.p and asking for CBT because clearly it is your negative mindset and CBT has real benefits in helping with confidence and thinking more rationally - this is what I have done and hopefully I will be able to get some help mainly for my acute anxiety but research has shown to help with negative thinking!

 

[Littleslimmingbee]

Thank you so much.. It just nice to know im not the only one.. although i feel for you also, knowing exactly how you feel.

I too am trying to go out of my way to photograph myself when i think i look good before i go out, because im going to make myself a scrap book. I think it'l do me good to look back on how i was and how i am now..

when someone else says i lost 4.5stone, i am amazed, but im never amazed at the fact iv done it myself, its like i havnt at all.. like iv forgotten almost.. the days i found it so hard during my journey, it would get me through thinking how amazing i'd feel.. but i wish i felt that every day!

i dont want to upset anyone whos still heading for target, because it is amazing, and the improvment of your health is what is most important, but if you are reading this.. please dont think 'il deal with it when i get there' because some days, it ruins it for me. i should have paid more attention to 'me' rather than just loosing the weight i think.

I hope il just come out of it eventually. My aim is to wear more 'revealing' things, that i wouldnt usually wear, skirts and shorts this summer when weather permits, instead of sweating it out to avoid showing my body off? i hope this helps, x

 

[Mumoftwo]

In your pictures you look so young and beautiful, you should be so proud of yourself. Do whatever it takes to get over this, don't hide away your whole life like I have, hold your head high. I wish I had had the courage to seek help when I was younger.

It's too late for me now, I have never worn a bikini or shorts, now at age 47 and having had 2 children and got sagging boobs and belly and bingo wings, I know I never will. :sigh:

Gosh I sound miserable and maudlin!
I just wanted to say you are beautiful, go out there and be proud.

 

[Littleslimmingbee]

Thank you thats so lovley of you.



my boobs are hardly pert though! lol - its never too late. xxxxxxxxxxx

 

[avisk]

"when we eat in a resteraunt, the thought will cross my mind whether the lady at the other table can tell i used to be fat by the way i eat ( crazy i know ) or that the other girls my age can tell i used to be fat by the way i wear my clothes.. "

No they won't - because they won't be thinking about you at all. Unless you dance on the table, or wear your knickers on your head, they won't notice you because they will be doing their own thing and they won't care what you used to be.

"In the back of my mind is the worry that people are thinking 'who does she think she is?'"

No they aren't thinking that. Why would they? Why would they be thinking anything about you at all?

We spend far too much time worrying about what other people are thinking of us, when in reality they haven't even noticed us!

 

[hobbithead]

Hi Fern

I am so glad you posted this as I am feeling exactly the same as you. I am only 2lbs from my target now and although I know I am a lot smaller my head is still telling me i'm the fat amanda, its very frustrating. A girl at my group said she felt the same for a good six months but i suppose it is different for each of us

I have always been overweight and the smallest size I had ever been before this was a 16 but was more consistently an 18-20. I'm 36 now so I guess it will take time but I really do understand how you feel.

I struggle to talk to people about it as they just look at me in an odd way and i'm sure they think i'm a nutty bird!!

When I get paid this month I am going to buy a full length mirror as I have always refused to have one and when I go shopping and try stuff on I am always surprised and shocked that it is me in the mirror looking nice in something. I am hoping this will help if I see myself like this on a daily basis

I doubt this has helped you much but you are not alone in feeling this way. Good luck Fern sending you a big hug :hug99: xx

 

[icemoose]

Hi Fern

Back in 2005/2006 I reduced by 11 and half stone in 20 weeks and then fell to bits!

I was slim but I wasn't happy even though that was what the adverts promised, the magazines said and society gave us the impression of.

For me I was in a slim body but I was still feeling like I was when I was big, in fact if anything I felt worse because I couldn't eat anymore to cope.

I became obsessed with how I looked to others and was convinced every time I ate I would regain 5 stone and that people would be waiting for me to get big again to say 'told you so'.

I can also remember the fear of buying clothes, I remember buying a shirt in River Island for the first time but then not wearing it as somehow I thought it would look wrong on me as I was still big Mike...

But there is light at the end of the tunnel !

My advice is to look inside and not outside, don't worry about what others think of you or your clothes! all that matters it that you know you are doing well and looking great etc.

The day I stopped caring about being judged was a good day for me

Anyway well done on your reduction and why not give the outfit another try but this time realise how great you look in it.

 

[SlimDreams]

"when we eat in a resteraunt, the thought will cross my mind whether the lady at the other table can tell i used to be fat by the way i eat ( crazy i know ) or that the other girls my age can tell i used to be fat by the way i wear my clothes.. "

No they won't - because they won't be thinking about you at all. Unless you dance on the table, or wear your knickers on your head, they won't notice you because they will be doing their own thing and they won't care what you used to be.

"In the back of my mind is the worry that people are thinking 'who does she think she is?'"

No they aren't thinking that. Why would they? Why would they be thinking anything about you at all?

We spend far too much time worrying about what other people are thinking of us, when in reality they haven't even noticed us!

Fern Hi,
First of all this advice is so good ,please take it on board.People really are so wrapped up in themselves that they wont even notice you.
Secondly you are looking absolutely fantastic and beautiful.
Thirdly, only you can change those thoughts, every time you have one try and remind yourself that you are not fat but slim and beautiful.
Positive affirmations really work. Look in a full length mirror every day and say" i am slim and beautiful" and eventually you will believe it.
good luck sweetheart, you are truly and inspiration.xx

 

[CamilleBates]

Aww fern ((((Hug)))),

I think you deserve to wear nice size 10 clothes more than anyone! You've worked bl**dy hard to get where you are so why shouldn't you! I'm sure you look fabulous, but it's hard to see for yourself. I unfortuntely still see the fat girl in the mirror, I so want that to change...

 

[funcurls]

It just shows how our self image gets so engrained into us it's very hard to change it when people get slim!! I can see why anorexic people become so, because they simply cannot see what others can! I think you really have to take peoples word for it that you are slim, gorgeous and fantastic!!! Even when you were bigger you were still beautiful and even then noone in restaurants or anywhere else for that matter would have had the right to look at you and your actions and judge you!! I think it probably will take time for you to get over your hangups because you had them for so long, but they are so destructive maybe you should get some cognitive behavioural therapy, which will provide you with some techniques to challenge your current thinking and get you to reset your thought processes! I had it after a bad car crash I was in and it really helped me!! Please believe us when we tell you you are slim and beautiful! Your clothes size, your weight on the scales and what everyone tells you should be enough for you to believe it, I just wish you could see that hun!! Why don't you rip the tags of that outfit NOW, put it on, get someone to take a pic of you and then post the photo on here!! You'll have about 5 million compliments!!X

 

[Littleslimmingbee]

hey guys,
iv taken the dress back, as i re-tried it on and its just not me, BUT iv decided i do like my legs and im going to wear dresses this summer.. i have started wearing skinny jeans as a 'casual' thing now, which is all very new for me! - and i even wore a cardy.. yes that thing that does up over your boobs, and although i was terrified it would pop open, it did not.. (proberly because i bought a 12 out of fear of my big boobies and its too big haha ) so thats a step in the right direction!

i also invested in a BBQ today, a gas one.. its being delivered next wed, and i am going to throw some garden partys when the weather picks up, so i can get used to being more sociable, rather than hiding! i used to be out alot when i was big, but everyone knew me big, and i ahve hidden since loosing weight incase like you icemoose, there waiting for me to gain it all back or look horrible..


today has been a better day. i spent the day out and about and didnt hide under my coat.

i think you guys have made me realise, it wont just happen untill i think more positivly.. no one can change my mind for me - otherwise all those compliments would have done that already.


*hugs* what would i do without you guys? lol xxxx

 

[jojothejo]

Hiya Fern.

I was thinking about this just the other day and I contemplated posting a thread about it, but I just didnt even know where to start lol.

I've lost five and a half stone so far, going from a size 22/24 - 14/16. I've got perhaps another two and a half stone to go until target, and even then, I'm sort of all hips, so I doubt I'll ever reach the dizzying heights of a size ten (jealous me? never lol)

It's a real head trip. Some days I walk past the inspire section in New Look and sort of struggle with the fact I dont shop there anymore. or I'll pick up a short dress and tell myself it's okay to try it on (mind you, all short things are accompained by 1000 denier tights lol). I spent so long not going anywhere near certain types of clothes that they didnt register on my radar, sometimes it takes another person to point out what might look good. Why would you automatically reach for the more revealing things after spending years dressing your old figure? Of course your still going to reach for things you think look good. It'll come in time.

I also noticed a change in the way people react to me. I think when I was bigger I spent so much time trying to lurk into the background, and I was always braced for somebody to start making fun of me or call me names. And now I'm still mentally bracing myself for the abuse (normally from chavs/twatty drunken men y'know) but it never comes nowadays. I've been a big girl all my life and now that's not something I dont have to deal with, I almost worry about it.

When I'm in a bar and a guy smiles at me, Inside I still think they're making fun of me. like you said, sometimes you feel like the fat girl in your head lives on, and anyday now she'll be caught out. I honestly don't think people realise how hard it can be being overweight and how people treat you sometimes. Like me, if it's all you've known, you cant just let that go.

I understand why you've felt like hiding away. Everybody comments on my weight. I almost expect these days. I wait for the glance up and the down and the questions. It's positive reinforcement in that I feel good from all the compliments but I'll probably feel sad when they stop. It's like I never had any good feedback about how I look all my life and now I have it daily. I dont have a big ego, I'm just so used to my figure being publically discussed these days.

It's all a journey though Fern, just carry on and bit by bit, it'll click into place. Size ten is amazing! I'd rocking all sorts of dresses etc, so I hope you feel better about that soon x

 

[Littleslimmingbee]

Thank you so much.
Its exactly like that, some days i walk past the inspire section and huff that i cant wear it - its rediculous, but i huff because i feel i cant wear 'normal people clothes' lol

- i guess im just waiting for that nasty comment, like you i havnt had one (to my face lol) since i started loosing, but im always cautious should i start wearing things that may draw a bit more attention to me, il start recieveing nasty looks or comments again. Its a horrible mindset to be in.. but after so long, how do you change the way your mind works overnight? some days im so much better, otherdays i could just cry everytime i think about getting dressed. It sounds awful, but somedays it is that bad.. i get so jelous when i see bigger girls wearing things i want to wear now im smaller, just shows size is nothing, its all about the confidence.. i just dont understand were all mine went? lolxxxxx

 

[jojothejo]

Aw dude, it'll be okay, honest. There's no rule that says you had to hate your old body. I for one, much prefer my old boobs. They're sad and deflated now. But I can wear things I couldnt before and it all kind of balances out.

I've seen your 'after' pics on Britmums thread and you've got a lovely figure. You've worked hard for it and there's no need to shy or ashamed that it's different cos your still you underneath.

So pick things out that make you feel good and I just brazen it out these days. If people decide to make comments then I wont lie, It hurts, but it's a far bigger reflection on them than me. I worry that if people laugh at me, and now it's not my weight, there must be something else wrong with me. But there isnt, it's 100% their problem.

I wish I had more wise words, but I'm still going through it myself. If nothing else though, your not the only one x

 

[Littleslimmingbee]

*hugs* thank you so much.



it really means alot xxxx