Why did I get mad/Angry

[Piella!!!]

Ive lost 30lbs in 7weeks so feeling pretty good and look quite different to say the least...
My boyf is very proud of me but today we met up with a group of his friends who I havnt seen since before CD.
He kept saying things like "Isnt she thin? She sexy now isnt she! Look how slim and gorgeous she is now! Hasnt she changed!" etc
I started to feel really angry and embarressed about it-when surely I should of been reveling in it???
Was it because he was unintentionally slagging off my "former self" ? Or something else? I just cant figure it out-all I know is that I suddenly felt incensed!!!!

 

[Happe]

I think id be a bit miffed too to be honest. Im sure he wasnt being malicious though just overegged it a bit.

 

[saraian24]

Id be pissed!

 

[Piella!!!]

ah glad im not the only one!

 

[cah-ching]

I'm with the other girls on this one. Also why talk about you as though you were a trphy. Surely he should've left it for them to realise you'd lost weight. I'd have been really embarrassed or uncomfortable. Have a quiet word in his ear cos I think it's eating away at you a bit.

 

[saraian24]

I would have been insulted myself and said so what was worng with me before?

 

[YummyMummy04]

A little attention and acknowledgement would of been nice but it does kinda say you werent worth looking at before.

He prob doesnt mean it nastily and just he way of saying how proud he is of you but i would def say something to him bout it so it doesnt happen again.

 

[aussieraquel]

I think maybe he would not have meant it intentionally, though I admit to I would be hurt. Maybe he is so proud of how far you have come, and the motivation and determination you have had to stick to this?!? Not sure, just my thoughts

 

[pete10141748]

As a fellow guy, I can tell you with certain confidence that he meant nothing but good things by it. He's obviously proud of you, and wants to show that to everyone else. And also, lets remember, than 99% of us blokes think that those are the kind of comments that 99% of you women WANT to hear.

We can't help but think you WANT us to be annoucing to everyone how sexy, beautiful, wonderful you are, as from our point of view, it shows just how much we love you - that not only do we tell YOU these things, but we want to tell EVERYONE else as well.

I'm not saying the 'trophy' thing doesn't factor here at all; any man who says that he doesn't, in some way, view their woman a little that way is a liar. Yes, we show off to our mates about our girl. Yes, we say stupid things like "Dave's done well to get a girl with X Y and Z features", but again, it is all meant in a good way.

Sadly, we are but simple creatures who don't think things through in the way you lovely sensitive ladies do, and we are insinticively competitive when it comes to our partners - sad as it sounds, I've known many a couple to split up because the bloke wanted to get a "better girl" than the new one his mate had.


Luckily, we're not all like that



And I can partly understand your point of view on this as well - every time someone comes round to our house, my parents (particularly my Mother) insists that I 'parade' around the living room to "show them how much I've changed".

I think she doesn't realise that actually, as good as it feels to be slimmer and look better, it is also quite hurtful to basically be saying "look, my son isn't a fat slob anymore, make sure you realise that".

It falls into the same catagory as the colleague asking "have you lost weight?"
Most wouldn't, as it's all-too-easy to see that question as meaning "wow, you arn't so fat anymore".



End of the day, the best things to do would be a) just let him know that you don't like him being so overbearing about it (but try not to be upset if he doesn't understand why you feel the way you do), and b) simply learn to take the compliments and remember that he is merely showing affection in the best way he knows how, but telling your friends how proud he is of you

 

[aussieraquel]

Really well said Pete!

 

[Oinkstop]

Although I don't think your guy meant to hurt your feelings, I can understand why it might feel that way. It's nice to get recognition for your weight loss efforts, yet at the same time if people go on too long, it starts to feel like more of an insult.

 

[saraian24]

Pete that was quite insightful into the minds of other men!!! I loved reading that post, was brill!

 

[sylvielove]

That was a great post Pete, nice to have a male perspective.

Laura x