Why do I feel disappointed?

Discussion in 'Cambridge Weight Plan' started by clarecv3, 19 November 2010 Social URL.

  1. clarecv3

    clarecv3 Getting Married 2012

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    :sigh: I know this is silly, but I had my weigh in this morning and have lost another 4lbs... and I was gutted. In 4 weeks I have lost 1 stone 12lbs and I am disappointed with myself.

    If someone told me a month ago that on this diet i could loose up to a stone a month i would laugh at them, and here I am moaning about loosing more than that.

    I think my expectations were way too high after my first 2 weigh-ins and i just came down to earth with a big bump.

    I am finding the diet really tricky, and have not hit that place of boosted energy and I have followed the plan to the letter for 2 weeks now. I just don’t get it.

    My aim is to loose 11lbs before Christmas as I would like to be in the 20ish stone on xmas day.

    My next mini goal is to get to 18ish stone before 1st March, as I am seeing a consultant and wont him to see how much work and effort I have put in.

    I am even about to start the 30 day shred on Monday, see if i can tone up and get into a size 24 trousers at xmas.

    Hope you ladies are all well and not working too hard - and thank you for all your support :wave_cry:
     
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  3. DappyMare

    DappyMare Girl on a mission

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    Hun you have done amazing so do a happy dance and look forward to your next weigh in:D 2 lbs short of 2 stone in a month:eek: imagine how long that would take you on ww or sw.

    on the energy front, ketosis works in funny ways and i never got the energy burst that so many people get:)

    You are doing so well and good luck with the 30 day shred xx
     
  4. rumbly-tums

    rumbly-tums Slowly but surely x

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    Clare, this is the only diet that allows you to lose weight so quick without a gastric band. Im not understanding your train of thought here.

    You will lose 11lbs by christmas (probably a lot more) so why the disappointment?
     
  5. Trose1203

    Trose1203 Full Member

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    Hey clare, ur doing a great job, i play mind games with myself on this diet i want a 4lb loss & then if i get a 2lber i'm disappointed, I think staying positive is very important and keeping urself busy & of course the support u get here on minimins is amazing, also, on the energy boost i only got it this week and i'm on week 6, good luck u can do it, i've got from a 26 to an 18 so believe me if i can you can too, hugs,,,
     
  6. jillcambridge

    jillcambridge Full Member

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    I definitely understand your disappointment and think its totally normal! I was disappointed at my 12lb 1st week loss on Monday - so stupid, but I had my heart set on 14lbs (1 stone) and I just couldn't see past this.

    It would take so long on WW or SW and I would be yo-yoing all over the place, so I know I shouldn't be disappointed (and neither should you!), but its hard when you can't help it.

    You have another 5 weigh ins (I think) before Christmas - even if you lose 2.25lbs a week, you'll be at your mini goal for Christmas - you can do it! I am hoping to lose another 20lbs before Christmas (5 weigh ins too) and think I am probably setting myself unrealistic goals again.

    It is hard when you are 100% and depriving yourself 3 or more times of day of something so ordinary and normal and everyday as eating. I feel really grumpy lots of days because I just want to be normal and like everyone else, but I know this is just for a few short months and I've got a couple of 'eating' days to look forward to in the next few weeks.

    Good luck and chin up hun

    Xxx
     
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  7. clarecv3

    clarecv3 Getting Married 2012

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    Rumbly, to answer your question I have no idea why I feel dissapointed and I know I am being silly. I remeber when i was a SW and was happy with a 2lb loss a week and now i am moaning.

    I think i am just expecting something instant to happen. I have wanted to loose weight since I was 13 when i was 14 stone, and it slowly pilled on till i got to 30 stone in Jan 2009. This is the lightest i have been in 8 years and again i thought that when I got to 21 stone I wouldnt be in size 26.

    Now for some deep stuff - My dad has always been disapointed that I have been fat for all my life, when i was younger he made me stand infront of a mirror and tell him what i saw and how no one would love me, i would never be a mother and never get a job because i am a health risk and would die of a heart attack slowly and painfully.
    Now that I have lost 8 stone, i hoped that he would have noticed and show some sign that he was proud. My sister is overweight too, and when i told her i was getting married she said dhe didnt need to worry about loosing weight as i would be the fattest one at the wedding anyway.

    I dont want you thinking i am on this diet to please them, i am doing this so that i can look stunning on my wedding day, do a parachute job and have a family with adam - its just a long road that i am travelling on.

    Speaking to my mum this morning i told her that i have 8 stone to go before i reach my target and it gained on me that in January 2009 i had 16 stone to go - I am half way there, and its took 2 years, so if it take another 2 years i will get there one day.
     
  8. jillcambridge

    jillcambridge Full Member

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    That's a lovely way to look at things, well done. It doesn't sound like you have the most supportive family though ((hugs)).

    Xxx
     
  9. clarecv3

    clarecv3 Getting Married 2012

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    My fella and mum are great, the others i am not so sure off.

    When I get to about 16 stone I am going to take up Boxing as the dress i want is strapless and want to have toned arms.

    JillCambridge, you have done great loosing 12lbs, and you will have a great second week too x
     
  10. determinator

    determinator Banned

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  11. Goreygirl

    Goreygirl Gold Member

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    Hi hon


    If your primary carer (in your case your father) did not give you the unconditional love and support that a parent should give their child growing up then this can have a profound impact on your behaviour and beliefs as you grow up. Essentially you can lose "trust" in your ability to be your true self .. because if your father couldn't love you unconditionally then who would (because you are unloveable?). Remember you were trying to deal with your father's behaviour as a child (or teenager.. whatever you were) not as a rational adult so your ability to process his messages (both spoken like the mirror episode and unspoken e.g. i'm sure you can remember other instances where he made his feelings/disapproval known without words.. .and the younger you were the more you would have picked up on the non-verbal particularly when he was being emotionally distant/unavailable to you) It can trigger all sorts of self-defeating behaviours even though consciously you want to be postive (because your inner self is hurt and angry etc.) Another impact can be the other primary carer's actions (e.g. your mum? Did she passively stand by and let your Dad say stuff like this? She she only make a token protest?). Put simply when you are a child you should be able to have total trust in your parents and feel psychologically and physically safe..... if the primary relationship was dysfunctional then echoes of that will resonate all the way through your life and into your adult relationships as subconsciousl you will seek to "recreate" the relationship with your father etc.

    In very simplistic terms your father "loved" you by showing his displeasure and disappointment; you now "love yourself" by showing yourself displeasure and disappointment because that is what you were taught as a child. It's what you recognise, it's what feels "comfortable" because of that recognition even though it is also uncomfortable to experience. Now that you are "opening pandora's" box by taking positive action it is challenging these underlying beliefs. As for your sister.... it's called the therapy ripple effect.... you are changing the status quo... she is comfortable with you in a certain role (maybe you distracted your dad from her?) and she wants you back in that role so will subconsciously be trying to undermine you. I'm experiencing similar effect in that my younger sister is being fantastic about the journey I am undertaking and is curious (and is using my discoveries to examine some of her own beliefs) but my older brother does not want to discuss it in any way shape or form (he manages his life by keeping the past firmly in the past therefore my therapy is making him feel "out of control" so he is clinging even tighter to his methods (he won't even acknowledge that I am off work sick).

    Is that making sense? As a child you were, in a way, told you didn't matter. Your instincts fought this but were overwhelmed by the belief of "well if my parents believe it about me it must be true" so you learnt how to suppress that part of yourself that saw this was wrong. You had to; it was a survival mechanism. Over the years it was likely that you learnt to use food to help you "silence" yourself more and more and now here we are in the present. http://www.gettinbetter.com/heavy.html

    I've attached a few links that you might find interesting. The first few are from a woman who has been through the psychotherapeutic process and is now trying to use her experiences to help others. She writes really well so her stuff is easy to read and to the point. Although some of her site is about dating her theories are applicable to all relationships (and focus on the influence of the primary relationship on the present).

    Dating Reflections of Your Father p1 – The One Where I Share My Story | Baggage Reclaim (a very interesting read and as part of the series of article she does an "unsent letter" excercise which is very liberating when you do it).

    Are you clutching your security blanket? Why it’s time to strip off the extra layers of anger and hurt you’re carrying | Baggage Reclaim

    DO YOU LOVE TO BE NEEDED, OR NEED TO BE LOVED? (some of this may reasonate with you, some of it may not... but it explains amount "core" damage from primary carers very well).

    I'm hoping you don't find this post overwhelming and instead that it may give you some food for thought? Once you start becoming aware of how your subconscious beliefs drive your behaviour it becomes easier and easier to recognise the roots and deal with them.
     
    Last edited: 19 November 2010
  12. rumbly-tums

    rumbly-tums Slowly but surely x

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    aaaah, i see. in your first post I just couldnt deduce what you were trying to say.

    There are some lovely girls on here with great advice which I know you will find invaluable x
     
  13. Trose1203

    Trose1203 Full Member

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    hey goreygirl, I'm going to check out those articles, thanx for posting them......
     
  14. Goreygirl

    Goreygirl Gold Member

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    Baggagereclaim is fantastic! It's all about having boundaries and values in relationships (and can be applied to all relationships not just romantic ones). It explores what might be the driving forces behind your beliefs etc.
     
  15. Divalicious

    Divalicious Silver Member

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    I too have been disappointed about my loss just 24lbs in 5 weeks. As others on here have said its a big loss and on reflection it is. Like you said its wanting others to recognise what we have done and that we are worth their praise especially family.

    As Goreygirl has written about the psychology of it all. My elder sister is so unhappy about my diet, everyday she calls me to "advise" me of the dangers of this diet. It feels like she is scared of me looking better than her cause already some parts of my life she envies.

    Like you for years since around 8 i have been bullied and tormented by family on how fat and disgusting i look. Sadly i think it made me cling on to the weight as i was comfortable being that size. I want to lose the weight and show everyone i can do it, i know its vein but it will make me feel like i have done something with my life.

    Hugs n kisses hun :)
     
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