Achieving What Seems Like The Unachievable - My Diary

Discussion in 'Weight Loss Diaries' started by burstingattheseams, 13 May 2014.

  1. burstingattheseams

    burstingattheseams Well-Known Member

    I rejoined SW for the umpteenth time last night. I intend for 2014 to be the year I take control of my weight and reaquaint myself with ME!!! At the moment I don't feel like me. ....I feel uncomfortable, old, inferior, and ashamed. I'm hoping that in time I'll start to feel more like myself and get a spring back in my step. Losing weight means a lot of things to me, not just being able to fit my clothes (although that is a big issue at the moment!!

    First day has been pretty good - highlights/achievements are-
    * won the chocolate arguement I was having with myself earlier this afternoon (afternoons are soo hard)
    *cooked a really yummy tea
    *went for a nice walk in the sun
    *cooked some chicken drumsticks to take for lunch and to have for emergency snacking
    *Tracked everything

    My work trousers are cutting me in half - can't quite envisage that one day they'll be loose and I'll need a smaller size!!
    Used 16 syns so will need to be careful until I'm more confident with syn values when I'm shopping/planning meals.
    Last edited: 20 May 2014
  2. burstingattheseams

    burstingattheseams Well-Known Member

    Well today was fairly uneventful...I worked from home today (was supposed to be off but had stuff to do). So I kept myself pretty busy which helped with any naughty food ideas I may have been having! There's not a huge amount of 'syn food' in my house that could lead me astray apart from the pack of kitkats that are in the cupboard. I bought them yesterday and made my husband promise that we would only have one each day after tea as a treat.......I had mine at 3pm but at least I was honest and never tried to 'sneak' a second one!!! At 5.5 syns for a two finger kitkat I would hope not! Saying that it wouldn't be unknown for me to have a number of kitkats or equivalent if in the house alone and at a loose end - so go me!!

    I am very much a sneaky eater and the majority of the calories that have contributed to my 4 stone gain come from large amounts of chocolate eaten in secret. What I have learnt is that I need to become accountable to MYSELF for the food I eat. I seem to have lost that ability to recognise when I need to cut back and make some sacrifices....and what is actually a normal way of eating in the first place! I also plan to observe what slimmer people eat - you wouldnt find empty galaxy wrappers in a slim person's car would you?

    Wins today -
    *Feeling good and in control
    *stayed within my syns (just @ 14.5)
    *Had lunch to hand after cooking of chicken drumsticks last night (with tomatoes and a hard boiled egg)
    *In the face of temptation only had 1 kitkat :)

    * Never even went outside today. Wish I had at least gone for a wee walk to get some sunshine and fresh air.
    * Could easily have made it to body attack tonight if I'd made more effort and organised myself (not been for 3 weeks now and will need to ADMIT putting off going back - I dont know why because I get such a buzz from going!

    Off to bed now to read my sw mag for ideas and inspiration. Had lovely dinners last couple of nights. All free food apart from a pitta bread that felt like quite a lot of syns at 8.5 - not sure how I feel about that. I guess they are there to be used and to add a bit of something here and there.
  3. believer77

    believer77 Well-Known Member

    well done! the odd sweet is fine, as long as you stay within your syns. Its amazing how syn-ful some foods are :(

    I think changing your mindset is part of the battle, until you are at the stage where you can think differently trying to follow any plan is hard.
    The hardest thing I have found is trying to plan my meals so that i dont eat so much crap and also trying to exercise - but its becoming slightly easier.

    good luck for today
  4. burstingattheseams

    burstingattheseams Well-Known Member

    Thanks believer - you are right it's definitely about mindset and being more self aware.
    So today was a pretty full on and stressful day but I am feeling very pleased with some of the choices I made today.-

    It started off first thing - I was running late and hadn't had breakfast or made anything for lunch. Instead of just running out the door and 'grabbing something' at work cafe I made up my breakfast and lunch and took them with me. Result - 0.5 syns consumed instead of blowing the lot for the day (and maybe even for a few other days!)

    My next big challenge was after I finished a stressful meeting in a very hot room with a lot of people. When I came out I was really hot, drained and had a sore head. Normally I would have had a big slab of chocolate or a pack of three walnut whips from the M&S food shop at the garage. I still went to the garage but bought some cooked chicken pieces and fruit instead. I felt revived afterwards and all for 1 syn - awesome!!

    Two big wins today - at the moment I'm working really hard to think through my choices and identify the pitfalls where I can. Hopefully in time it will help change the way I'm thinking and behaving about food. I've got a feeling this will be the hard bit!!

    10 syns today.....night folks xx
  5. burstingattheseams

    burstingattheseams Well-Known Member

    Meh! ...That is all I have to say about that.

    Draw a line and have a good day tomorrow.

    Wins - had a good day till about 3pm

    Reflections - Fell very easily into the 'it's Friday have a treat' trap at work and had a slice of malteaser tray bake. That wouldn't have been so bad apart from........
    Ordered a Domino's for tea - I did minimise the damage by having a vegetable topping, low fat cheese, thinner crust and by flinging two slices in the bin before I started. And we didn't have any sides. Still a lot of syns though -no wonder I'm fat!! Hubby then pulled out a gingerbread iced slice. Was annoyed at him for buying it and I don't even really like them that much but I ate it nonetheless - feeling a bit ashamed at myself.

    I'm annoyed and disappointed at the combination of these three events - I made a choice to have a Friday treat at work but that should have influenced the other two choices I made tonight and it didn't. Also it's a lesson to be more organised with the shopping and to have quick low syn/free meal options in the freezer that are close to hand on a night where we're working later.

    Roll on tomorrow - one thing I am sure of is that I'm not giving up - this is a marathon not a race - I'm sure there will be a few more trips along the way!
  6. burstingattheseams

    burstingattheseams Well-Known Member

    Feeling good today - a much better day than yesterday. I was able to put my many syns I consumed yesterday to one side and have a good day on plan. I had 6 syns rather than 60!!

    Was working today, that can often be a pitfall at the weekend, especially if I'm at work for a long time and resort to chocolate. Today I made sure I had breakfast before I left and packed some ham, cucumber, boiled egg and cottage cheese for lunch ( I know. ..I need to do the shopping!! ) I had clementines for snacking and that did the job keeping me full till I got home at 9. Chicken and broccoli for tea so technically a red day. Made a desert with jelly, raspberries, yoghurt and a few squares of dark chocolate - full up and satisfied for 5 syns. My husband bought me a big bag of buttons but I told him I didn't want them - which was the truth!!!

    It's great to feel in control and so positive for the first time in ages. I know that it's only my first week and I have a long way to go but I have to recognise that this is the most progress I've made all year in terms of mindset and taking action!!

    Hip hip hurray!!!
  7. tangerine12

    tangerine12 Well-Known Member

    Wooo go you. If u read back to the beginning of ur diary u can totally sew how far you have come in terms of making those choices so well done. I hope my diary highlights some things to me along the way. Keep up the good work...I'll keep reading to see how ur getting on x
  8. burstingattheseams

    burstingattheseams Well-Known Member

    Thanks tangerine, I'm hoping that this will be a help to me and maybe others in the future to read back through when times are hard and motivation is wavering!! I'll be looking to see how you are getting on too - it's really motivating reading other people's diaries xx
  9. burstingattheseams

    burstingattheseams Well-Known Member

    Well...weigh day tomorrow. Let's see what the scales say!! I definitely feel like I've lost but not sure what to hope for. I've never been a big numbers girl so every pound is a win. Would love to lose enough to help me to get under 200lbs next week

    Today was a busy day, we had our wee nephew for the day so he kept us busy out at the park - was a lovely day but I was really wishing I had jeans that fitted me better - can't wait till I can fit into a decent pair of jeans that don't fall down (not because they are too big but because I am too fat lol!)

    I measured myself and tried on two pairs of jeans to use as a goal - one can do up but sit too low because my bum is too big and another I can get on but they are too tight and don't close - I have smaller jeans in my wardrobe that I'm ultimately aiming for but these will be a good start!

    Had another pretty low carb day - not deliberate really but find myself often having a red day even although I'm doing extra easy - need to plan better maybe as I'm not getting the 2nd healthy extra.

    Syns today were 10 - 8 for an ice cream cone and 2 (?) for 2 wee willie winkie sausages nicked off my nephews plate lol!!

    I have an interview tomorrow to get on a course related to my work so should be swotting instead of on here - will go just now and post tomorrow night after my weigh in. I have my 'light trousers' looked out!!

    Night all x
  10. burstingattheseams

    burstingattheseams Well-Known Member

    PS -the chocolate buttons are still in the fridge - miracle!
  11. burstingattheseams

    burstingattheseams Well-Known Member

    Yay!!!! I am 3.5 lbs lighter!

    I'm happy with that given 'mega treat Fridaygate'.

    Today was a pretty dire day. I was supposed to be on AL but ended up havingto go into work for an interview and to finish somethings off - I didn't get the outcome I was looking for and was knackered by the time I left work due to not sleeping much last night. Anyway boohoohoo I hear you say - but guess what??!!! I didn't 'medicate' / comfort or pep myself up with chocolate or rubbish. I left work, went to SW and then picked up my husband and we went for tea. I didn't comfort eat then either - I made the best choice I could - (chilli and rice for 8.5 syns)and then went home to watch Agents of Shield and Game of Thrones.

    I think this week coming could be quite a challenge. I am off for the rest of the week and away to Aberdeen for the weekend to stay with my cousins. These are the times in the past where I've become derailed and really struggled to get back 'on it'. I think my strategy this week is never to 'be off it' and to be consciously making the best choices that I can.

    I'm going to say it (type it) so that I've committed to it - I'm aiming for 3.5 again this week to make 1/2 a stone! 4lbs would get me under 200lbs which would be even better but not sure if that's possible for me!!

    Night night xx
  12. burstingattheseams

    burstingattheseams Well-Known Member

    Not sure what happened to my ticker! Will try and sort it tomorrow x
  13. tangerine12

    tangerine12 Well-Known Member

    Wooooohoooooo go you. What a fantastic start to your first week. Marvellous result. Good to see SW is working well for you. This weekend is likely to be tough but u said it yourself its making the best choice you can. So instead if having loads of wine...have wine maybe dilute it with soda water or something or maybe have one proper glass non diluted then drink vodka which is not so full of calories. Good luck and fingers crossed ur next weigh in is just as good x
  14. burstingattheseams

    burstingattheseams Well-Known Member

    WEEK 2:

    Thanks for the good advice Tangerine. I'm not a big wine drinker but I will def be drinking vodka & diet coke :)

    Was a bit worried about how today would go. As I said yesterday breaks from the norm don't tend to end well for me food wise!! Well...I can report all went well. I was through in Glasgow today with my mum and my gran. As usual we went for lunch but I made a good choice (baked potato & chilli) and thoroughly enjoyed it. It was a beautiful day, later on they both got an ice cream cone - I opted for a can of diet coke as I wasn't sure how I was going to syn my lunch and I would rather have something sweet later at night (i did).

    Stopped at M&S on the way home to get tea. Got a pizza for husband and some skinless chicken thighs for me. Made a marinade (from 1 teaspoon ketchup, honey, soy sauce, & mustard) and baked them. Had wih salad and new potatoes. Will look forward to the rest for lunch tomorrow!

    M&S is definitely a hot spot for me - i'm always drawn to their lovely treats. I picked up a box of chocolate millionaire crispies which would appear to be marketed as a lower cal option. Thank goodness I checked the syns - 6 for each individual square. In the knowledge of what it was 'costing me' I decided to exchange 12 of my precious syns for 2. They were really nice but I could easily have had another one if I hadn't appreciated the syn value beforehand. I would buy them again but only occasionally as not a lot of value in them.

    Speaking of syns.....I used them all today (15). My plan for Wed &Thurs is to not use any at all to help me out if I need extra at
    the weekend!!

    Reminder - I had no a or b choice today - poor planning. By the time I realised it was late and I was full. Not good - I especially think the a choice is important to ensure calcium intake and prevent osteoporosis. Need to stock back up on babybel light for times like this...not a milk drinker.

    Anyway, night chums xx
  15. burstingattheseams

    burstingattheseams Well-Known Member

    Good evening,

    So much for not having any syns today - hubby and I went for a big walk today so when i got home tonight I was STARVING and just wanted to shove chocolate in my mouth!! I ended up having a few squares of dark chocolate (4.5 syns), and then a 2 finger kitkat (5.5syns). Those together with the mexican rice (4syns) came to a grand total of 13 syns. That's fine but doesn't leave me anything to play with at the weekend. Will need to try harder to keep some tomorrow.

    So on the whole a good day. We were both off, and the sun was shining. We went away out for a walk which was about four miles, but a lot of steep hills so it felt like longer. We're planning to do another tomorrow (about 5 miles) so all good body magic, and great just to be out in the fresh air. We both have indoor jobs so it's lovely to make the most of being off and the dry weather.

    Apart from my wee chocolate craving tonight all is well on the food front. The dark chocolate i referred to is dark belgian chocolate sweetened with stevia instead of sugar. I saw it in tesco. It comes in a 40g bar for 80p and is very rich. I've not yet been able to eat a whole bar which is both amazing, and a good thing!! Half a bar (three sections) is 4.5 syns - i have found that it is usually enough to take the edge off a chocolate craving. From someone that could easily put away a very large bar of galaxy on an almost daily basis this is an amazing thing! I found my kitkat a bit rubbish in comparison.

    For lunch i had left over chicken with cucumber batons and a new potato salad made with chopped new potatoes and spring onion and pepper philly light (a choice) - it was yummy.

    Normally I type my diary entry using my phone or my notebook, however on the PC tonight and lovely to have the luxury of a keyboard!! For that reason I thought it might be helpful to reflect a bit on the reasons that I want to lose weight. I'm hoping that this will be a helpful thing for me to look back on at times when i'm finding it difficult to keep going. At the moment I feel wonderful - really positive, in control, and optimistic about my weight loss. However I know from experience that these feelings don't always last, and that there will be difficult times where I feel like giving up or that i am losing control. It is these times that I have not been successful in the past, and I need to plan for these times now - so that i'm not typing this again in six months time doing ANOTHER restart!!

    Sooooo, here we go, my many reasons for working hard to lose weight (i've deliberately not used the 'trying' as i've been 'trying' for many years without any great deal of success or commitment) -

    * I want to feel like ME again - i feel like as i've got heavier i've lost my identity and my confidence
    * I wast to feel young again - i'm in my 30's and not enjoying life the way i should be because of my weight and things that it stops me from doing
    * I want to feel sexy again - i don't just now
    * I want to be normal - while i get that everyone has different hang ups/issues (a lot more serious than their weight) I want to have days that go by where I'm not inhibited by my weight
    * I want to fit into ALL the clothes in my wardrobe - I have a wardrobe and chest of drawers full of beautiful clothes in a size 12 that i can not longer even nearly fit into (currently size 16/18)
    * I want to have a waist and not have a stomach that sticks out to just about the same place as my boobs!
    * I want to be proud of myself and accomplish something - not give up when it gets hard.
    * I want to be fit and healthy - or at least fit into my gym clothes so I can start working on that part!
    * I want to be a healthy weight to try to have a baby.
    * And if I get pregnant I want to be able to enjoy my pregnancy and actually look like i'm pregnant and not just fat.
    * I want to lie in bed at night on my back without the fat around my boobs being pushed up into my neck
    * I want to be able to bend over to tie my laces/put my boots on etc without feeling that i can't breath because of all the fat in my stomach pushing on my organs.
    * I want to feel petite again (i'm only 5ft 3") and not always like the biggest girl in the room
    * I want to wear skirts and dresses without my thighs rubbing together and getting sore.

    That will do for now! I'm sure i'll add to it as i think of more! That was quite theraputic lol!

    Night xx
    Last edited: 23 May 2014
  16. believer77

    believer77 Well-Known Member

    you are doing so well! Keep up the good work. I know you aren't too pleased you ended up using your syns, but they are there to be used so its not all bad :)

    I think finding a list of motivations makes a massive difference in keeping on track.

    good luck :)
  17. Aymz

    Aymz Well-Known Member

    Hello! Just subscribing to your diary. Sounds like you've been doing pretty well at resisting temptation on most days so that's great. I like the list of reasons to work hard..and so many are the same for me (I was actually reading it last night, lying in bed, with boob fat suffocating my neck..made me laugh out loud when I read that one!)

    Good luck with your journey!
  18. denise42

    denise42 Well-Known Member

    I have just said the same to my mum whats in your first paragraph, my jeans are falling down because i'm too fat not cos ive lost some to subscribe and follow your journey x
  19. denise42

    denise42 Well-Known Member

    most of them reasons for slimming are the same as mine...your doing reallly well keep going x
  20. burstingattheseams

    burstingattheseams Well-Known Member

    Hi Denise and Aymz, we will do this!! No longer will our boob fat suffocate us or our belly push our jeans down!!! It feels such a long journey though doesn't it. Really helps to know that there's other people out there feeling the same xx

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