Age difference in relationships - does it matter?

[dudette2001uk]

Hi all,

Well I guess this is a bit embarrassing for me to talk about, but as I don't have to face any of you in person it's not so bad, lol!

I'm just a bit confused about things, and don't really have anyone to talk to about it.

Right, here goes. I'm 26 years old and I really like someone who's 19 years older than me. I've known him for about a year as he's a doorman in my local pub and we get on really well. We have a similar sense of humour, and have always been able to talk about anything and everything together.

We've both flirted with each other pretty much since the beginning, which I never see him do with anybody else (doesn't mean he doesn't I suppose!). He knows I like him as I'm about as subtle as a sledgehammer - can't be doing with playing games, lol - and I know he likes me. I think he's worrying about the age difference to be honest

I've been away from Pembroke Dock for 6 weeks until this weekend, and he asked if I'd missed him, and told me he'd missed me. This Saturday night he was very flirtatious - almost everything we talked about had an underlying aspect of sexual innuendo (sorry, TMI!!), so I know there's definitely an attraction there.

Am I just being a fool here? I don't have a huge amount of experience with relationships to be honest the age difference wouldn't bother me in the slightest as I enjoy his company, and I miss him when I don't see him. The pub is closing down, however, so I may not see him for a while

I don't know what to do really, and was just hoping for some advice from you lovely guys and gals

xx

 

[Bunnylush]

Hi, I don't mean to generalise men so I'll say just be careful,most doormen I've known in my 44 years have an eye for the ladies,as they are out in the scene every week.and he's not going to be very available to wine and dine you in that job! Wouldn't like you to get hurt x

 

[Shirleen]

The age difference is nothing it's only numbers.

I kinda agree with Bunnylush about doormen, not all of them are like it but be wary.
One way around it is not to set out the full picnic too early IYSWIM?

Oh and enjoy!

 

[chun-ky]

Age is just a number xx

 

[Mrs.S.]

Anything to lose?

If not go for it! Be cautious obviously (which I think you would in any new relationship), but go for it! x

 

[dudette2001uk]

Hi, I don't mean to generalise men so I'll say just be careful,most doormen I've known in my 44 years have an eye for the ladies,as they are out in the scene every week.and he's not going to be very available to wine and dine you in that job! Wouldn't like you to get hurt x

Thanks hun Yeah, I've come across a lot of doormen too, and I know it sounds cliched (sp?) but I really don't think Pete is like that. I'm naturally a bit wary of people anyway, lol!

The age difference is nothing it's only numbers.

I kinda agree with Bunnylush about doormen, not all of them are like it but be wary.
One way around it is not to set out the full picnic too early IYSWIM?

Oh and enjoy!

Don't worry, I've been biding my time for nearly a year...I wouldn't be rushing anything With the pub closing I probably won't see him for a while. It depends whether someone takes it over and whether he gets work elsewhere

Age is just a number xx

Thanks hun

Anything to lose?

If not go for it! Be cautious obviously (which I think you would in any new relationship), but go for it! x

I've got nothing to lose (well a friendship perhaps if things went Pete Tong, but other than that, nothing!) but I think he may be a bit wary as he had a hell of a time with his ex wife (refusing him access to the kids for ages just to be spiteful etc). And maybe with the kids he doesn't want to get into anything anyway. Oh well! who knows, lol!

 

[big bear]

I think if you were 18 or 19 might be a bit much but you are an adult & I'm sure you know better than anyone else can tell you.

As long as you're sensible & don't get hurt you'll be fine. Go for it & enjoy yourself!!!

 

[GemmaMarshall1983]

You're a adult go for it, but from personal experience if you don't have kids and are going to a relationship with children is can be difficult. This is only my experience I'm sure there ar load of people out there which will think differently but it's just something to consider.

 

[Glasgow girl62]

There's a lot of baggage there but by the sounds of it you are not being kept in the dark.
As long as you go in with your eyes wide open , your brain switched on and your heart thumping
You go for it.

 

[fillymum]

Right pin your lugs back and listen to granny Sue lol.

As you know Paul and I have been married for 26 fabulous, loving years.
He is 17 years younger than me. I don't feel the difference ,I do not see the difference. It is all down to the individuals. We have never once regretted our marriage.

When I found out how much younger than me Paul was I tried hard not to see him as I thought it was way to big an age difference.

He was distraught and pursued me. I thought " to hell with it, what have I got to lose"

My advice to you would be go carefully.........I took my time with Paul .

When he proposed to me I was still a bit unsure but look at us now 26 year down the line.

I am not suggesting marriage is on the books here, or that you should even be thinking that way, just trying to show you that age differences can and do work.

Ask him would he like to have a drink with you and take it from there. You will know if you both want to move on from there.

You are a really nice person Sian and I have never met you. He must see in you what we do here .

Go for it,but go with caution.

 

[dudette2001uk]

I think if you were 18 or 19 might be a bit much but you are an adult & I'm sure you know better than anyone else can tell you.

As long as you're sensible & don't get hurt you'll be fine. Go for it & enjoy yourself!!!

Thanks hun I think if I was any younger than I am I wouldn't consider it, but as I'm a bit older it somehow seems different. Silly really, lol!

You're a adult go for it, but from personal experience if you don't have kids and are going to a relationship with children is can be difficult. This is only my experience I'm sure there ar load of people out there which will think differently but it's just something to consider.

Thanks hun. It is definitely something I'd have to consider. Well, we'd both have to consider I guess!

There's a lot of baggage there but by the sounds of it you are not being kept in the dark.
As long as you go in with your eyes wide open , your brain switched on and your heart thumping
You go for it.

He's always been completely honest about the situation with his ex wife and children, so I can't fault him for that She's messed him around a lot, especially with the kids, so I can understand he'd be a bit hesitant to get involved with anybody

Right pin your lugs back and listen to granny Sue lol.

As you know Paul and I have been married for 26 fabulous, loving years.
He is 17 years younger than me. I don't feel the difference ,I do not see the difference. It is all down to the individuals. We have never once regretted our marriage.

When I found out how much younger than me Paul was I tried hard not to see him as I thought it was way to big an age difference.

He was distraught and pursued me. I thought " to hell with it, what have I got to lose"

My advice to you would be go carefully.........I took my time with Paul .

When he proposed to me I was still a bit unsure but look at us now 26 year down the line.

I am not suggesting marriage is on the books here, or that you should even be thinking that way, just trying to show you that age differences can and do work.

Ask him would he like to have a drink with you and take it from there. You will know if you both want to move on from there.

You are a really nice person Sian and I have never met you. He must see in you what we do here .

Go for it,but go with caution.

Awww thank you Sue His face lit up when he saw me on saturday, which I think was a good sign, lol! At least he didn't run away to drown his sorrows that I was back in Pembroke Dock, lol! Apparently he's had a right miserable face on him for 6 weeks (a friend of mine's been watching him, lol!). I'm sure that's nothing to do with me however, but it made me feel good to see that he was pleased to see me

I'm a very cautious person by nature, but I am also persistent. If by some stroke of luck we ever end up in a relationship I think we'd be really good together. And you and Paul are fantastic proof that age really is just a number!

 

[Annya]

My husband is 12 years older than me - we met eight years ago and got married four years ago.

I can honestly day the age difference has never even crossed my mind. He is who he is and I am who I am and we accept each other for what and who we are.

I think he worries sometimes that he's not "man" enough for me (which is ridiculous) but we are happy as two pigs in a poke and that is all that matters.

Everyone said it would never last, but we have proved them all wrong and we are happier every day. I reckon it all boils down to acceptance and having lots in common.

When I look at Al I don't see a man who is 12 years older than me, I simply see the man I love and the man who loves me

 

[dudette2001uk]

My husband is 12 years older than me - we met eight years ago and got married four years ago.

I can honestly day the age difference has never even crossed my mind. He is who he is and I am who I am and we accept each other for what and who we are.

I think he worries sometimes that he's not "man" enough for me (which is ridiculous) but we are happy as two pigs in a poke and that is all that matters.

Everyone said it would never last, but we have proved them all wrong and we are happier every day. I reckon it all boils down to acceptance and having lots in common.

When I look at Al I don't see a man who is 12 years older than me, I simply see the man I love and the man who loves me

Awww! You sound really happy Both you and Sue have given me proof that it is possible for relationships to work where there is an age difference.

At the end of the day, why should age matter if two people like each other!

 

[fillymum]

At the end of the day, why should age matter if two people like each other!

Actually you have hit the nail on the head Sian. One of the secrets is to like each other. I love Paul so much I can not explain it but I also like and respect him.

 

[kingleds]

My mother was married to a man half her age, and it didn't go well. It didn't go well because he was a t"at. He would have been a t"at no matter how old he was.

I am married to a man who is exactly the same age as me - in that we were born on the same day (don't worry - in different places - we aren't from texas or anything strange like that). He is mostly wonderful, and he would still be mostly wonderful if he was 20 years old than me, or 10 years younger

Basically his age isn't the important thing, his personality is.

 

[Mrs.S.]

My mother was married to a man half her age, and it didn't go well. It didn't go well because he was a t"at. He would have been a t"at no matter how old he was.

I am married to a man who is exactly the same age as me - in that we were born on the same day (don't worry - in different places - we aren't from texas or anything strange like that). He is mostly wonderful, and he would still be mostly wonderful if he was 20 years old than me, or 10 years younger

Basically his age isn't the important thing, his personality is.

Oh kingleds that made me LOL sooo much!! x

 

[Val123]

My husband is almost 9 years younger than me - doesn't seem that outlandish now, but when we met 24 years ago it seemed to be a really big deal for everyone but us.

I had a young daughter who my husband adopted when we got married and after 16 years of trying we now have a beautiful daughter together who is almost 17 months old.

Age is totally irrelevant - I'm so glad I didn't give into the pressure from family and friends not to go ahead with our relationship because "i was cradle snatching" "i would be a laughing stock" etc. etc. and the classic from my own mum would you believe "why would someone his age be interested in YOU - he's only after you're money"!!! Granted I did own a house and have a car but apart from that I was skinto lol. I was really pissed off at her for that, because she should have thought her own daughter was the best thing since sliced bread and that anyone would be lucky to have her and want to be with her.

Needless to say she had to eat her words and thinks the sun shines out hubby's backside now lol!

Now I'm having the last laugh, because everyone thinks that hubby's older than me so - boo-ya lol

Val x

 

[dudette2001uk]

My mother was married to a man half her age, and it didn't go well. It didn't go well because he was a t"at. He would have been a t"at no matter how old he was.

I am married to a man who is exactly the same age as me - in that we were born on the same day (don't worry - in different places - we aren't from texas or anything strange like that). He is mostly wonderful, and he would still be mostly wonderful if he was 20 years old than me, or 10 years younger

Basically his age isn't the important thing, his personality is.

Thankyou kingleds You made me laugh - you do have such a way with words, lol! :8855:

My husband is almost 9 years younger than me - doesn't seem that outlandish now, but when we met 24 years ago it seemed to be a really big deal for everyone but us.

I had a young daughter who my husband adopted when we got married and after 16 years of trying we now have a beautiful daughter together who is almost 17 months old.

Age is totally irrelevant - I'm so glad I didn't give into the pressure from family and friends not to go ahead with our relationship because "i was cradle snatching" "i would be a laughing stock" etc. etc. and the classic from my own mum would you believe "why would someone his age be interested in YOU - he's only after you're money"!!! Granted I did own a house and have a car but apart from that I was skinto lol. I was really pissed off at her for that, because she should have thought her own daughter was the best thing since sliced bread and that anyone would be lucky to have her and want to be with her.

Needless to say she had to eat her words and thinks the sun shines out hubby's backside now lol!

Now I'm having the last laugh, because everyone thinks that hubby's older than me so - boo-ya lol

Val x

Thank you hun I'm sorry your mum wasn't very nice when the relationship first started out, but glad that she came round to your way of thinking! I think I'd have the same problem to be honest...don't think my parents would accept me seeing someone 19 years older than me, but I'm an adult so what they think would be the least of my concerns!

 

[JackieN]

Actually you have hit the nail on the head Sian. One of the secrets is to like each other. I love Paul so much I can not explain it but I also like and respect him.






I lost your quote that was above this Sian and couldn't find it but your quote that Sue picked up and her reply above to me sums the whole thing up.

So what are you waiting for huni, go find him and be happy xxxxxx

 

[Pommette]

My long time friend met her husband at age 23. He was almost 37 and her tutor whilst on a scholarship in Hong Kong. Her mother was horrified and distraught. That was in 1977. Now aged 57 they have been together for 34 years and married for 33 of them with 3 fantastic kids.

What brought them together was a respect for each other and a love of the same things - as well as the obvious attraction to each other physically.

So take care but go for it. Age is just a number. It's the mind that matters