Am I kidding myself???

Discussion in 'Lighter Life Forum' started by LaydeeBug, 1 October 2009 Social URL.

  1. LaydeeBug

    LaydeeBug Full Member

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    I have abstained 100% for 4 weeks now, and am doing well. I haven't told many people about my diet as I don't want to be "checked" to see if i am losing....I want to do it for myself.

    I started a size 22ish, and asked not to know my weight in stones, just the pounds lost. I have lost 19.5lbs.

    I don't want to take this comment too seriously, I know it was meant in jest, but a member of my family has just made me feel pretty rubbish. My brother in fact.

    He lives in Scotland, so only see him every 3 or 4 mnths...but I was just on the phone and told him how much I lost this week and the total to date. I am very close with my brother so we have a laugh, but this comment has stuck in my head as I knew it would.

    When I told him my loss, he said, " But is a stone or 3 going to be noticeable? I mean, it's a bit like clearing an earthquake with a dustpan and brush!"

    Obviously I laughed and took it as a joke...he isn't a malicious person...but is that what others think too? Am I really just kidding myself when I lose some weight...do I still look just as repulsive as I thought I did at the start of the diet?

    I was feeling very proud at the loss of my first stone, but I have just realised, I don't look any different. :(
     
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  3. Blonde Logic

    Blonde Logic Yes. You can.

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    Oh hon. Ouch. That stings. ANd that resonates right down to my soul.

    I have a LOT of issues about comments my brothers have made about me. All my life, they teased me and called me fat. Even when I wasn;t. I believe at some level, I believed them, and that started the birth of low self esteem.

    My eldest bro who I am quite close with made a joking comment once about my weight, when we were all adults - it stung to my core - and I still reel back when I think of it. :( I couldn't believe it. It was in front of my best friend and her hubby which made it more excrutiating. And - I thought "STILL? NOW?? AS ADULTS???? WHEN WILL THAT EVER END???" It was horrible, I wanted to dissappear into vapour.

    What I suggest, and I know this will be difficult - but really, I really truly think you should do this NOW- as I will from now on - Call your brother back, and gently tell him "I know you didn't mean to - but I MUST tell you, that comment really did hurt me."

    It does not have to be a fight - but you need to learn NOW to no longer laugh that kind of comment off, to no longer be the one to laugh at yourself first before others do. Now is the time to tell people it is NOT OK to say things in jest, when they chip away at your soul. You MUST let them know how hurtful it is.

    Sorry if I am gushing, but I just feel so strongly about it.

    It is NOT ok for him to say that, and of course he probably meant it as a familial joke - but he needs to know the impact those words can have on someone.

    And don;t you let that get you down, not for one minute - its his lack of understanding - not you, or your body shape/.size that spurred the comment.

    Please don;t let it get you down, and please tell him that is not OK.

    No one, not one person here on MMs should EVER have to be the butt of someones joke ever again, and the only way that will happen is if you start being open and honest with people.

    Im sorry that happened. I really hope you will stand up for yourself and speak to him. I think worlds of good will come of it, for both of you.

    Will you? Please? :)

    xxx
     
  4. LaydeeBug

    LaydeeBug Full Member

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    Thanks BL....reading your post made me cry, so it probably has upset me a lot. I suppose I feel it's justifiable as I AM fat.

    I will take your advice, butI can't do it tonight as I will probably cry, and I don't want to sound a complete wuss....I will call him at the weekend.

    It's odd because he has never said hurtful things to me before I started the diet...but now I am losing weight, he must think it's ok to joke about me. I can't help feeling he must have thought this for a while.
    And then I started thinking, what a fool I am...I have been telling my fiance how I can feel my face/neck whatever losing weight...so is my fiance thinking, " Really love??? Cos I can't notice a bloody thing you fat beast!" :cry:
     
  5. Blonde Logic

    Blonde Logic Yes. You can.

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    <<<<<<hug>>>>>>> I do understand. i really REALLY do.

    Now stop that chatter - you ARE losing, and you WILL notice and feel it, and your finace loves YOU, obviuously, so of course he is not thinking those things.

    And I am pretty certain your brother has absoilutely NO idea how hurtful his words were. Siblings joke and push boundaries all the time - but this is a dangerous territory - it can cause harm, hearing those things from those we love and trust the most.

    I am so pleased you will confront him. He will probably thank you for it, and I can guarantee, the strength and empowerment you will feel from it will be so helpful for you - just one more stone in the road to success, in all walks of life.

    You are beautiful - and I have never even seen you. You are a person, and you have a heart, and you do not deserve it....meant intentionally or accidentily in poor humour - no matter waht the cause - you do not deserve it.

    So, chin up lovely little laydeebug - put those negative thoughts away - and focus on the beautiful lady that is emerging. OK? Those days of bad thoughts and bad self image - those days are gone - you are moving forward.

    <<<<<big silly goofy hugs>>>>>> :D :D

    COme one now lovey - put that smile back on! ANd know you are the winner in the end.

    xxxx
     
  6. LaydeeBug

    LaydeeBug Full Member

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    Thanks BL. xx
    It's better to share things. It only made me wish i hadn't told him, then maybe at Christmas he would have just seen me and thought, "Is she a bit slimmer?" ( Please let me be slimmer.)
    Thanks for the support though...really appreciate it. xx
     
  7. Morticia

    Morticia Happy in my own skin

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    Laydeebug, BL talks much sense. I can't say anything to add to what she has.

    After reading this thread I've decided to give my sister a call, when out to dinner last night I felt my husband made a comment to her about her weight. He thinks he is being funny but I cringed as he should know better with being with me for the last 20 years. So I'm going to call and apologise on his behalf, or at least let he know I don't condone it. So your thread has good outcomes not just fr you. Thank you.
     
  8. yoyo-ohno

    yoyo-ohno Full Member

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    Hi Lady,

    Aawww hun please don't feel sad :hug99:
    You have been such a positive & enthusiastic September starter buddy for me & lots of others and you have lost nearly a stone & a half - no matter what size anyone is, a weight loss of that much is definitely noticeable.
    Maybe you are also feeling a bit glum after feeling so rotten the last few days too?

    My brother is a man of few words & I don't think he'd notice if i grew another head let another lost 3 stone ;)

    Don't let it get you down - we know how fab you are doing, sticking to this for 4 weeks & like the rest of us, you yourself can tell the little differences already.

    You will do this & you will have a slimmer Xmas :girlpower:

    lots of love

    yoyo
    xx

     
  9. Foxtrot

    Foxtrot Is back in the saddle!

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    What BL said AND all the hugs too!!!

    And don't be despondent about seeing it yet either! Other people seem to notice it all of a sudden, usually just when your fed up of them not noticing! And from then on...... well. Brace yourself with all those 'thank you' s you will give out when they comment because you have to accept all the positive strokes in a positive way.

    Your Christmas when you see your brother is going to be sooooooooo amazing 'coz you are going to make his jaw hit the floor!!!!
     
  10. Gemma79

    Gemma79 I will do this!

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    oh my poor dear friend... there's nothing i can add to what BL said really, I do believe telling people that they upset you is a powerful experience and like you say, your brother wouldn't have even meant to hurt you but he needs to know he has.

    Like BL, I have never seen you, I don't need to to know you are a beautiful lady and that's because I see it in the words you type on here. You have given me so much support and encouragement and I really would like to meet up with you one day as we don't seem to live far from each other I think..

    big HUGS and I know you are starting to look different! xx
     
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  11. LaydeeBug

    LaydeeBug Full Member

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    I have to say that you lovely people have a way of rallying round and helping others when they feel at a low ebb.

    Thanks so much to all of you, for everything you have all said.

    I'm blubbing at all your lovely comments!

    I did actually call my OH and ( not wanting to make a fuss and tell him, or ask him if I look any different) said, "I wonder where that lost weight has gone from because I can't see a difference."

    He said, "Well that's because you see yourself more than everyone else. You have lost a lot in your face and, I told you before, your shoulders...I can see it! Keep it up!"

    Made me feel a bit better, without having to make a song and dance about my brother's (probably innocent) comment.

    Morticia, I'm sure it was the same with your husband...just joking. I hope your sister doesn't dwell like I seem to have.

    Thank you again everyone. It means such a lot. xx :)
     
  12. daisydoll

    daisydoll Gold Member

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    hi there
    just ignore him - you will have the last laugh!!!
    daisy x
     
  13. jenpen

    jenpen Full Member

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    Ladyeebug,
    I don't know you know you either, but i have been following the thread of all you september LL ers with awe and admiration.
    I know that you will be sucesseful in your journey and that this knock back is likely down to you fragile emotional state because of taking on the hugh battle of abstinence. (A task i am too cowardly to take myself currently).
    Do not understimate yourself or what you are acheiving.
    You are a strong determined lady and will win.

    I have total respect for you and wish you all the best.

    You are making changes to your future. Thats incredible.

    Keep your spirits up.

    Bless you. Jenny. xxx
     
  14. Jezebella

    Jezebella Playing the Angel

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    Laydee darling

    BL has summed it up best!! But a big hug from me across the miles to you anyway :) Hope all the words have helped ease your heart a little tonight. Trust me when I say a stone and a half is noticable, and absolutely believe by Xmas his jaw will drop when he sees you. You are a winner babe!! I have absolute faith you will get to your goal.

    Jez
    xx
     
  15. randomgurl

    randomgurl Full Member

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    Asside from your brothers comments... your not kidding yourself!

    Have you seen the fat-blobs... kinda gross so I wont post it here... but http://http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_yCy8mDN5GL0/SiUDSZAAWhI/AAAAAAAAASo/XuLxFUgV1fE/s400/1lbfat.jpg
    (Its a replica of 1lb of fat... if you've lost 20 of those thats gotta be coming off somewhere - right?)

    For me personally.... When I started last year I had around 7 stone to lose, and honestly noone noticed at all until around 2+ stone down (well they might of... I think sometimes people feel rude mentioning it until it becomes obvious)... and seeing people I hadn't seen for a couple of months was amazing - I didn't think it was that obvious, but it was the first thing they said. (Exept my brother who made snidey comments about 'just cuz you've lost a couple of lbs')

    It *will* happen.

    But more importantly, how do you feel about it? You've said *you* can feel a difference in your face - thats awesome! Like others have said the rest will follow, but 19.5lbs is something to be proud of. :)
     
  16. kenshin112

    kenshin112 Gotta Make A Change

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    Hiya I ain't had that myself
    only thing I've noticed since losing weight is people talking to me who I never thought would
    but don't let comments bring you down
    let it pass
    and just show him and others what your all about
    hugs
     
  17. Looby Lew

    Looby Lew Full Member

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    Oh Laydeebug family have a way of really getting under your skin.
    BL has given you great advice as always so keep your ( smaller:D ) chin up and listen to your OH - of course you have made a tremendous start on your weight loss journey and it IS noticeable. Yes we Sept starters may have a ways to go yet but we are most definately making a huge difference to our lives and should be rightly proud of ourselves.
    Look after yourself today
     
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  19. LaydeeBug

    LaydeeBug Full Member

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    Hi again, and thank you all.

    Randum, I can't see the blob... I think the link page has expired, or is it me? Probably me. :p

    Jez, thank you for making me put Xmas back in my mind as a goal when I will notice some difference. I am really hoping there will be a noticeable change as it will spur me on over the festive period.

    And thank you all again for being so supportive.

    I paintedmy nails last night and smeared on the false tan ( the bottles should last longer when I lose a couple more stones! :p) and I'm still on track.
    Now my brother said that, I have to prove to him that it's not a joke. And neither am I. xx :)
     
  20. Beeswax

    Beeswax Tiny dancer

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    Laydee! What a horrid thing to happen. Many hugs for you.

    But remember, if YOU (your biggest critic) can see even a small difference in your appearance, the rest of the world will see a big one!

    I think sometimes we laugh along with "fat jokes" made at our expense because secretly we think we "deserve" it - that being fat (and we even call it the derogatory "fat" rather than "overweight"!) is a character flaw and we *should* be mocked.

    But we shouldn't. It's not fair. And it's cruel for someone you love to say that, no matter what their motivation.

    Laydee, you're doing AMAZINGLY. Don't give up now - we're all behind you and we and your fiancé *know* you're gorgeous!

    Not only are you gorgeous but you're doing an incredibly brave and positive thing - embarking on a big adventure to improve your quality of life because you deserve to be happy.

    Can your brother claim to have undertaken such a courageous thing? I'm not criticising your brother - it's just that you're doing something extraordinary, and some people find that difficult to deal with, and blurt out the wrong thing.

    Hang in there Laydee! :) xxx
     
    Last edited: 3 October 2009
  21. LaydeeBug

    LaydeeBug Full Member

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    Thanks so much Bea. :)

    I have been away for the weekend, but stuck 100% to my diet....I still haven't had a chance to call my brother...I will do though ~ I'm pretty sure he will feel terrible about upsetting me, but at least I know I can still carry on, even with the odd jokes! xx
     
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