Anyone else feel like this?

Discussion in 'Challenges - Weight Loss & Otherwise!' started by help6363, 6 February 2008 Social URL.

  1. help6363

    help6363 Member

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    Hello

    I reached my goal weight and I look at myself and think, 'is this really as good as I am ever going to get?'

    Then I get really depressed because I expected to look better.

    People still comment on my weight (in a negative way) and tell me I could stand to lose an additional 5 kgs or so.

    Do you think I should take their advice and go below a healthy BMI? I mean it may make me happy!

    Worse of all, people still call me chubby.

    I was just wondering if anyone else feels like this too?

    Thanks

    Michelle
     
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  3. Eclipse

    Eclipse Gold Member

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    It can be difficult to know exactly when to stop. The only person who can really decide this is YOU. You know how you feel, don't take any notice of what other people say, its YOU that really matters. If you REALLY WANT to take the weight loss a bit further, then that's what you should do. If YOU feel happy where you are now, then now is the time to stop. Not very helpful I know, sorry xxxx
     
  4. Deb G

    Deb G Silver Member

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    Why on earth go BELOW a healthy BMI? Those people don't seem to know what they're on about! I would ignore them and see how YOU feel! At the end of the day, you've got to live in that body, so you need to work out a good balance between how you look, and how healthy you are. If you are happy and within the healthy BMI, then stay there. If you are unhappy, and want to lose another 5kg AND will still be within the healthy BMI, then do that. Don't leet others dictate. How RUDE of them!!!!!
     
  5. Kate

    Kate CDC/PT/PITA

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    These people don't sound very nice. :( Why do you care what anyone that rude thinks?
     
  6. Kitteh

    Kitteh Resident geek

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    do you think it could be because you're getting negative comments that its making YOU feel as though you should lose more weight? To be honest, i wouldnt listen to these people, and stick with what you feel most comfortable.. like Cheryl says.. The only person who knows how you feel is YOU.. But make sure before attempting to lose more weight, its cos YOU want to, and its not just that little voice in your head saying.. "well.. i guess if this is what they say.." because they dont have a clue..!

    Hope you're ok..

    Loadsa love and hugs

    Cat x x x
     
  7. Sweetpea

    Sweetpea Full Member

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    I totally agree with what other posters have said about how rude people are to comment this way.

    But then your post is actually saying that you are unhappy with your weight too. You are saying you expected to look better and are depressed about it so it doesn't really sound as if you are happy at your current weight.

    Maybe you just need to exercise a bit? or maybe you expected your life to be totally transformed by losing weight and are disappointed if it hasn't?

    Sounds like you just need to get your head around what you really do want (I know, easier said than done). Also have you considered that if you are depressed you might be feeling particularly negative yourself? Could it be that you are taking comments meant in a helpful way to be negative as a result of how you feel about yourself?

    You don't say what your BMI is but maybe if you aim for the middle of the healthy range you will feel good.

    Very best wishes to you and I hope you soon start to feel a lot better about yourself. You've done great to get there.
     
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  8. help6363

    help6363 Member

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    Hey!

    Thanks for the replies.....my weight is 55kgs and I am 5'5.

    I was reflecting on all the advice that has been been given to me (I really appericate it!)

    I know that I was so happy when I reached 55 kgs because I went (and still go) to the gym 6 times a week. That has been a challenge for me because my time management skills needed work! I do RPM 4 nights a week and weight training twice a week.

    I honestly cannot recall if the people's comments made me feel this way or I felt this way.

    My boyfriend and his friend (Sally....they have been friends for a long time) are the main people saying it. I am not sure how to approach the issue with him because his female friend and women in his family are seriously small. Maybe he just thinks that because he grew up around small women.

    Anyway, thanks for all your comments.......it has given me insight into the matter!:)

    Cheers

    Michelle
     
  9. minilady

    minilady Gold Member

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    Hi Michelle

    How awful for you to feel this way.

    We take for granted that once we reach goal weight are worries are over and we will be happy ever after, sadly this isn't the case.

    Lot's of headwork has to be done:( I had to look at why I was overweight in the first place, this wasn't easy, I binge eat and to accept why I do this is difficult and stopping it even harder.

    It's easy to say don't listen to others etc. but if we have a low self esteem we don't like ourselves very much, so when people make negative comments we do tend to listen as the sub conscious part of our minds likes the affirmation that what we feel about ourselves is what others see.

    I hope this makes a bit of sense and hasn't offended.

    I read another thread and saw your weight and height. You are at a low bmi already and I am sure that you look lovely and slim. I know you mentioned negative people around, but are there people around you who are more positive? Perhaps you could talk to them about how you're feeling.

    I had trouble seeing me as I really was, and was helped by a friend and introduced to meditation techniques which have helped with my self esteem etc. If you're interested I could pm some ideas to you.

    Wishing you all the best, take care

    Tracey
    x
     
  10. help6363

    help6363 Member

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    Thanks for your reply! :)

    Hmm...I think I do need to work on my self esteem. Work has free counselling so I will look into it.

    Your response did not offend me.....IT HELPED ME...thank you!

    That is such a kind offer to PM me about meditation. I would love that....thank you!
     
  11. minilady

    minilady Gold Member

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    Really glad I didn't offend, I read it back and wondered if I'd gone too far:sigh:

    I will gladly pm you, I can't yet though as you are new and have to make a few more posts yet til you can use the pm priviledge.

    So keep on posting:D

    Tracey
    x
     
  12. help6363

    help6363 Member

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    Thanks Tracey!

    You are a star!:)
     
  13. Kate

    Kate CDC/PT/PITA

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    Now that I know it's your boyfriend and his friend, I'm sorry I said they weren't very nice - but they are certainly rude. Your boyfriend shouldn't be putting pressure on you (he may not mean to, but by telling you that you are chubby and need to lose another 5kg, that's what he's doing) and however well meaning Sally may be, it's really none of her business at all.

    I agree with Tracey - find some positive people to reinforce you. In your circle of friends I'm sure there will be a few people who will tell you they're proud of you and that you look terrific :) - you have to listen to them and tune out the negative stuff. We always hear criticism louder than compliments, don't we?
     
  14. help6363

    help6363 Member

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    Kate, beautiful Kate,

    NEVER feel you have to say sorry for your opinion when it is expressed to me. I asked for opinions and that what I got......I wanted outside opinions and I think you are fantastic! I thank you for being honest with me!

    Have a great day!

    Cheers

    Michelle
     
  15. rowanx2

    rowanx2 Losing the baby fat

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    well from reading your other post about getting your hair dyed, it sounds like your confidence is maybe soaring, now I dont want to assume anything, but it sounds like theres a bit of the green eyed monster in the comments form your Oh and his friend to me.
    Could be wrong! But it isnt uncommon you know.

    Some people hate others to change, and when they see they are they dont like it, so they (maybe unitentionally) start picking fault when there is none to be picked at.

    I'd ask them what their problem exactly is??
     
  16. help6363

    help6363 Member

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    Thanks for the reply......You are sweet!

    I did ask him last night what his problem is and I go more than I bargained for. I AGREE with you ...... I needed to ask this question!

    Thanks for your help.......you are lovely! :)
     
  17. Flabbyfay

    Flabbyfay Silver Member

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    55 Kilos = 8st 7lb and someones calling you chubby :eek: I'm also 5ft 5ins and before my children i was between 50 and 51 kilos and i looked ill i was on of them people you loved to hate as i could eat and eat and not put on a lb but if i missed a meal i would lose weight :eek: Being under weight is just as damaging to your health as being over weight! i bet you look fab hun!
     
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  19. minilady

    minilady Gold Member

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    I did ask him last night what his problem is and I go more than I bargained for. I AGREE with you ...... I needed to ask this question!


    I hope you're ok Michelle!

    Tracey
    x
     
  20. help6363

    help6363 Member

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    Hey Tracey

    I am fine! :)

    I asked him about and he basically said he wanted a 'naturally slim woman' and he had found one. I left and asked him to get out ..... he has gone and a note was left on the table. I guess all the signs were there that he was cheating but for some reason I was in denial.

    He telephoned me twice at work today but I did not return the calls. Really, I don't want to talk to him!

    Oh, for the first time in two years I have started smoking cigarettes again...UGH!

    Oh well, live and learn, huh? Nothing I can do about it...... I refuse to get angry at him but rather just accept that life is treating me some sort of lesson. Maybe I need to just look after me or stand up for myself.

    I am glad it happened sooner rather than at a later date. I think it was going to happen anyway.


    Oh, Flabbyfay thanks for the reply. You are a sweetie!:)
     
  21. BIG BIRDY

    BIG BIRDY Silver Member

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    Your BMI NOW is just over 20, and to lose 5kg more would put you seriously underweight ta just over 18, especially if you are fit.
     
  22. help6363

    help6363 Member

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    Thanks!:)
     
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