Hi ladies! I was last here in march (I think) and had just hit my 5 stone! I was so happy - not to mention that my life was finally in control. I had energy, I felt good - it was the best i'd felt in my whole life.
On mothers day, I found out I was pregnant - one of the side effects of losing so much weight I think
In may, we went for our 12 week scan and our baby was very poorly. We faced an agonising 2 week wait and testing that, as a needlephobic, was very traumatic to go through. By this point i'd regained a stone.
We found out our daughter had a rare chromosomal disorder called Edwards Syndrome/T18 (the odds were quoted at 1 in 26,000) and was 'incompatible with life'. I'll never forget those words. When we were next scanned, our daughter had lost her fight - my waters broke at home and I gave birth on 23.05 to a tiny but perfect little girl.
Since then, I have eaten without any care. I don't know why I do it, there's no trigger point I can think of from my past - but I emotionally eat and put up a wall. When I am eating, I do not care. When I try to fit in to my trousers or have to be naked, I care very much. I do not look in the mirror.
I have regained all of the 5 stone - maybe even more.
The worst thing, is achieving 5 stone weight loss - and remembering looking back at pictures of me at my fattest and feeling disgusted with the state I was in. Now I AM that person again, but I realise that I am disgusting.
I don't feel sorry for myself or want sympathy - I know that the only person who did this and can do this is me. I made a promise to my daughter as I held her in my arms, that I would not waste the life she never got to live. I don't intend to break that promise.
So.. that's my life story!
How is everyone getting on?
xx
On mothers day, I found out I was pregnant - one of the side effects of losing so much weight I think
In may, we went for our 12 week scan and our baby was very poorly. We faced an agonising 2 week wait and testing that, as a needlephobic, was very traumatic to go through. By this point i'd regained a stone.
We found out our daughter had a rare chromosomal disorder called Edwards Syndrome/T18 (the odds were quoted at 1 in 26,000) and was 'incompatible with life'. I'll never forget those words. When we were next scanned, our daughter had lost her fight - my waters broke at home and I gave birth on 23.05 to a tiny but perfect little girl.
Since then, I have eaten without any care. I don't know why I do it, there's no trigger point I can think of from my past - but I emotionally eat and put up a wall. When I am eating, I do not care. When I try to fit in to my trousers or have to be naked, I care very much. I do not look in the mirror.
I have regained all of the 5 stone - maybe even more.
The worst thing, is achieving 5 stone weight loss - and remembering looking back at pictures of me at my fattest and feeling disgusted with the state I was in. Now I AM that person again, but I realise that I am disgusting.
I don't feel sorry for myself or want sympathy - I know that the only person who did this and can do this is me. I made a promise to my daughter as I held her in my arms, that I would not waste the life she never got to live. I don't intend to break that promise.
So.. that's my life story!
How is everyone getting on?
xx