Artyjoe...and again!

[Artyjoe]

I posted this on WW to realise it doesn't belong there anymore - oops!

Isn't it so depressing to find posts that you wrote a year ago to find you are even heavier than then? :sigh:

I am desperately searching for inspiration...the 2kg tin of Quality Street that I've got 5 sweeties left in hasn't actually worked unfortunately so I've decided this may be a better place to look. :wave_cry:

I am incredibly fed up with my now 3 stone gain but am on a speeding train towards sabotage but feel I'll be likely to put on the brakes come the new year...in the mean time every day I try a bit of damage limitation but that seems to be backfiring...if I have CD for breakfast I'll eat twice as much for lunch!

I am trying to conceive and I'm using this as an excuse not to go on a proper diet as I'll only have to find the strength to do it again after I've given birth...of course I realise I could gain another 3 stones before I even fall pregnant with that attitude, but unfortunately it's hard to shake. If there was such a thing as plastic surgery for the mind I'd remortgage my house for it.

Anyway...I'm planning to CD for lunch and breakfast from January, or before if I can, and hope to start to shift some of this weight...when I look back at some of my posts from 2006 (2008 in only a few weeks - eek) I realise I've wasted a lot of time without realising it...without whining and whingeing I could have lost my weight four times over by now if I'd knuckled down. :cry:

So that's the plan. I'm going to whitter on here for a while if that's okay as somehow writing it down does seem to cement it more in my head, once I get over the embarassment of whingeing on a public forum...but I do find even whingeing an emotion that if not got out then it is eaten.

Am going to sit in bed tonight and watch a DVD and leave the rest of the chocs (unfortunately I stupidly bought all the Christmas chocolate last week) downstairs where they can't do me harm!

Joe x Again x

 

[Starlight]

Good luck with CD Joe

 

[botozi]

Hope you do well on CD but why not go on SS totally? I think that would be "easier" than replacing two meals and the results will be much better. The "only" thing you need is a lot of power, you won't be hungry.

Succes!

Hugs
botozi

 

[polishrose]

Good Luck!!

 

[Artyjoe]

Hi Botozi, I can't do SS as I'm trying to conceive and ketosis is not good for a foetus...otherwise I'd sooo be doing that as it's much easier to SS than try to minimise portion sizes.

Writing this last night has already made me feel more resolve. I had a vision last night of running a 10k, and I felt wonderful, so that's now my aim. Of course if I fall pregnant beforehand then scrap that, but otherwise, that's the plan!

Am going to try packs for breakfast and lunch (lunch is definitely my huge disaster area) and then eat an evening meal. It would be good to undo some of the damage before Chrsitmas actually gets here. I will weigh myself in Boots today so I know where I'm at...fingers crossed it's not more than I'm expecting!

Thanks again - Joe

 

[Artyjoe]

Wow Starlight, just noticed your stats, fantastic! x

 

[Artyjoe]

Well, that didn't take long to go wrong did it?

I work from home, working like a dog at the moment, and hubby bought me up a huge mug of tea (wonderful man) and 3 cookies (pig). To be honest, I actually didn't even notice the cookies, or the fact I'd eaten them until about 5 mins ago and realised what I'd done...goes to show how automatic it is doesn't it?

So I'm now considering them as my breakfast, albeit far more calories than I'd wanted, but nothing I can do about it now...I'm sure they won't show on the scales in Boots

Joe

 

[Artyjoe]

After lengthy conversations with hubby over the last few days we've decided to not 'actively' try to conceive for a few months to allow me time to get rid of the Christmas weight...I am hoping this will turn into a five month stint of SS which will take us up to our holiday, which could get me back to where I was before I came off CD in 2006.

The more I think about being this weight and having another pregnancy the more I'm thinking I'm pushing my luck..instances of problems with the baby are far great now I'm 37 and the risks to the baby and myself are greater than they were first time around. I was in the hospital every Tuesday night with my first and was in absolute agony with my joints and SPD, which is something I really don't want to entertain again. So, if I can manage it (I know I don't sound exactly brimming with commitment but really 'want' to do it) then SS here I come for five months.

First time around I really had my head around it and managed fantastically, but regaining 3 stones (probably more after Chrsitmas but i've decided not to weigh myself) has dented my confidence in myself. I came off the diet suddenly due to my mum being hospitalised, then I ended up joining her 5 months later in the same hospital, so the weight slowly crept on with the help of hormone tablets, but I do now need to get a grip. I started the diet on 4th July 2005, my independence day, and am really hoping that I'll finish by 4th July 2008, my 'real' independence day...two days before I run the London 10k. That's my hope and wish and if wishing it will happen is enough, then I'll manage it

I think I've actually decided to put a second baby on hold at least until after the July race, so we'll see what happens...I'll probably be pregnant in 2 weeks now!!!

I hope it's okay to put my thoughts down here, I don't expect anyone to respond, but I do find it helpful to put it down in writing for some reason - Joe x

 

[Artyjoe]

Okay, I now have my start weight of:

16 stones 12 pounds as of 27th December 2007.

My first goal is 3 stones 10 pounds away, so maybe by May I'll have cracked that...fingers crossed.

I am doing CD for breakfast and dinner at the moment to try and ease myself into the diet on 2nd January. I still have a few things in my head to sort out before then, not sure if my trainer will dump me as she doesn't agree with SS on CD so may lose her, but if I do, hey ho, diet comes first...I'll just walk every day on the treadmill until I get stronger. I also want to take some additional supplements so need to check that out too before starting. All in all, I'm getting ready for a restart, threw more chocs away today, only a few left in the house with a bottle of champers for new year...am not feeling strong, but definitely hopeful! xx

 

[Artyjoe]

Only got one 'naughty' in the house now, everythign else has been cleared from fridge and cupboards and am going to start tomorrow.

I am going to aim for 16.2 as my first goal as my current jeans should stop digging into me by then! I am tempted to go and buy a bigger pair of jeans today but am thinking I might only need them for a few weeks so maybe won't do that and will chuck on some joggers for a few weeks instead, can't decide...I'll see how awful the shops are today when I go in. My 2.5 year old has asked that I buy her a black top to go with the leggins her granny got her for Chrsitmas as no other tops 'match'...she's only 2 for petes sake

Joe

 

[Artyjoe]

Wow, I love looking back at my posts on days like today when i think I'm rubbish and sabotaging and why bother...to realise I HAVE lost weight, 2 stones since Christmas, so need to remember that.

I have been hovering over 14.8 and 14.11 for months (one month on purpose as I wanted to prove to myself that I could maintain), but now I keep wanting to carry on and get to my target of 13.2, but am just not getting there. I'm wondering if it is becuase my holiday is coming up and I know whatever I do now I'll undo with wine alone! This is our only holiday of the year and we are going with friends for the first time in I don't know how long, so I am definitely going to partake...although I am taking CD bars to try to have as a lunch and a shake for breakfast...but I've been warned the couple we are sharing a cottage with have full fry ups every single morning - eek.

I have SCOFFED tonight, really badly, and after such a good breakfast and lunch too. I didn't feel down until I ate the choccie, and now I really do feel down, hence posting here again after such a long time...although I've been lurking!

I think the seasons changing has affected me, sounds strange but our sleep patterns are all over the place and I can't settle until it gets dark for some reason. I am currently trying for a change in career and am waiting for the college to call me for an interview (37 and going back to bloomin college) so I'm also apprehensive. I wish I could hire a counsellor to come over to my house and have a chat for a few hours and get me back on the straight and narrow.

I'm in the mood for pouring my guts out so I'll stop here or there will be an essay.

I hope no one minds if I come in here and top up on my thread, it does make me feel better to realise I'm not alone - Joe

 

[KD]

Wow, I love looking back at my posts on days like today when i think I'm rubbish and sabotaging and why bother...to realise I HAVE lost weight, 2 stones since Christmas, so need to remember that.

That's fab!!!!:talk017:

I keep wanting to carry on and get to my target of 13.2, but am just not getting there. I'm wondering if it is becuase my holiday is coming up and I know whatever I do now I'll undo with wine alone!

Ahhh, but what about damage limitation. Doing your very best until the holiday so that you don't make a dent in the 2 stone you've already lost.

but I've been warned the couple we are sharing a cottage with have full fry ups every single morning - eek.

Ack, but you'll remember how good you are at this. If they want to to thicken their arteries each morning then that's their problem You on the other hand know better, and you'll eat something yummy that will make you feel that you're worth caring for

Iwish I could hire a counsellor to come over to my house and have a chat for a few hours and get me back on the straight and narrow.

You know, I really think we all have a counsellor in us. Like the charactors from the wizard of oz, looking for the answers that were with them all the time.

You've already proved you know what to do. Take a step back and see what you did after christmas that made it work for you...then create a new plan and be successful again :clap:

Great work with the maintaining though, but now it's time to knock another bit off

 

[Artyjoe]

Thanks KD, really good advice. I am definitely in sabotage mode (was?). I have now managed to regain 6 pounds (gained 4 last night after a heavy chinese)...but am drawing a line under it and have been much better today.

With regards to what I did at Christmas which got me on track...I hated myself. I try not to have that mindset now and don't feel as bad as I did back then but if I stuck at it for just 8 weeks I'd never have to diet again. Lets hope I'm back on track now. I have 9 days until the holiday so it would be great to get rid of at least what I gained last night by then.

Today hasn't helped as my husband had to take some photos of me for my college application and god I looked so ugly that once i saw the first one I just couldn't smile for the rest so have had to use an older photo as all the ones taken today are just dire, really awful, and the pics don't have anything to do with my weight - eek.

Hey ho, tomorrow is another day! Joe

 

[Artyjoe]

Having a 'slightly' better day today, didn't pig out but had more than I'd intended for dinner, along with a glass of wine and a handful of my daughters chocolate that she shoudln't have even had (Daddy took her to the shops, say no more!).

I am trying to console myself by believing I may be coming on four days early, my tummy has bloated (which I'm hoping isn't to the weight gain!) and I'm a little bit snappy...sure signs of an early period.

The good news is I have my interview date for college which is only 20 days away so I'll know then if I can go on the course or not, if I can then I'll be moving towards a more fulfilling life which I'm sure will have an impact on what I put in my body and will end this state of limbo.

I have decided that after tomorrow night (preplanned dinner at a friends house) I am going to do SS+ until the holiday to give me at least a week of undoing some damage, and then I'm hoping by having done that I won't be so quick to undo it all and will stick to my plan of 2 CD a day.

I'm finding an obstacle is that I am doing a 10k run in July and I haven't began training for it due to dieting since January and on SS I can't train, so I'm feeling under a bit of pressure. I have 2 friends coming with me but they will run it which may leave me walking, which will be some long haul. Still, what can I do? Hubby can't join me as we have no one to look after our daughter so something that I originally signed up to for a challenge to encourage me has started to feel like a lead around my feet. Not sure what I'm going to do about it apart from diet like a mad woman and have a month to at least get jogging beforehand.

Anyway, whinge over, tomorrow is another day - Joe

 

[Artyjoe]

Today is going well.

1 shake, 1 bar,1 litre, 2 teas!

Feeling good considering I have regained 8 pounds and was 15 something or other today on the scales, but at least I won't need to see that figure again. I am due on any minute though which isn't helpful but I'm sure I'll be okay, although I've done a lot of shouting to my 3 year old today...nothing to do with the diet, just her trying the boundaries out.

Right, off to ballet with the angel

 

[Jools]

Hi Hun

Sounds like you are getting yourself in the CD zone.

Good luck and best wishes to you

xx

 

[Artyjoe]

Thanks Jools, I've actually already fallen off the wagon. I am under a ridiculous amount of stress at the moment that not eating is just helping me at all, so i have decided on damage limitation and then after I've run race for life when I come back from holiday then I will do CD head on, continuously, until I reach my goal.

I'm due on as well which never helps.

Sigh, one day I will be slim and will have other things to whinge about such as how much money I'm spending on clothes - Joe

 

[Artyjoe]

Okay, did Race for Life, am still sore, and have returned from holiday and now weight 15.3...and that's enough now.

I'm on 790 (although a chicken breast rather than 20z so may be more) and intend to stick to that until July 19th which is 8 weeks away and our family party. I see no reason why I can't lose 2 stones or thereabouts by then. Of course I hate to write things like that as I tend to read them months later and think oops...but I'm trying to be positive and really really want to do it. I am starting a college course in September so have to be properly maintaining by then as the hours are absolutely horrendous so will need to have food to get by.

18 months ago I weighed the same and i've done nothing but diet since then, so enough is enough, got to get out of this cycle and get a grip and ditch the weight for good.

Am off to bed as haven't slept for about 10 days, so lets hope more sleep brings better resolve!

Joe

 

[Artyjoe]

Day 3, 5 pounds down, 14 12....doing okay!

Am running out of diet though and haven't enough to be me through the weekend, my counsellor appears to have actually closed the business so am trying to track another who is open...what a pain!

Joe

 

[Artyjoe]

14.9 doing okay but moved to 810 and am doing 1000 today as a one off.

My new councellor is great, really lovely woman and I'm sure she'll help me nail the last few stones so I can move on with my life. I have exactly 7 weeks to where I want to have lost at least a stone, preferably 13.4, but we'll see how that goes!

Joe